When did you know you were over your ex?

[Theonlywayisup1]

Exactly that really. At what point, or how did you feel when you knew you were either over them or didn’t want to get back with them?

it’s been nearly 5 months for me after a 10 year relationship. I’m in a very casual situation with someone else, which suits me perfectly, but I’m wondering if the excitement and distraction of this is masking my sadness for my relationship, or if I’m truly starting to get over him?

When I was bored of talking about it. I knew then.

I was with someone for five years. We lived together. One weekend we went to a wedding where he was a total dick to me throughout the day. In the car driving home the following morning I couldn't think of a single thing to say to him. I pretended to be asleep the whole of the four hour drive. When we got to our city, I asked if he could drop me at my parents instead of going back to our flat. We pulled up outside and somehow we both knew that was it. We sat in the car, said "this isn't working any more is it?" and that was it. I hadn't woken up that morning intending by the end of the day to be single or when we RSVP'd to the wedding expected it to be the straw that broke the camel's back, but we both knew as we sat in the car outside my parents that it was over. The following day I messaged my best friend to tell her and she called me straight away. She had to cut the call short as she was at work but told me she'd ring me at later on when she was free and just wanted to check I was OK. I told her not to worry, and that I was fine, and she said to me (and I've never forgotten it.) "I think you've done most of your grieving for the relationship during the last year." She was right, and I had.

I moved on with astonishing speed because sometimes relationships are so awful you do grieve what you thought you were going to have with the person. What's been harder for me is the emotionally scaring from how he treated me over the time we were together, but I've never wanted him back.

Take good care of yourself OP and let yourself heal.

Oh and don't worry about the casual relationship. How you truly feel about that relationship will reveal itself to you eventually. Within a month of my relationship ending I'd started a FWB situation with someone and it distracted me enough that it gave me time to figure out what I wanted. You can miss the comforts of being in a relationship - having someone to do things with, sex, cuddles etc without actually missing the person you used to do them with.

With mine, for the preferred ex, it's been about 14 year's since we split, I must admit bottom line, some feelings are there, as she was a lovely lady, not sure what her personality is like now, I guess it took a few years to achieve completeness and except it's wrapped. Looking forward, from what I know if their relationship the cracks are there, but it appears to be going well, in one way I wish I had put more effort into the relationship, but that said, I've achieved an unplanned mini relationship.
Overall if she ever split, then I'd leave it up to her. But if I'm honest, that craft sailed long ago.

Yeah I’ve heard that, my life’s actually easier now he’s not here.

The only thing that annoys me is that he started seeing my friend who also lived next door! It was so embarrassing having to live next door until she moved and our 16 year old understandably has disowned him.

When he spent far too long with an 18 year old when he was 30, and not with me or his newborn.
When he would also joke with the 18 year old about inviting her over for supper and kicking me (and the newborn) out of the house whilst he entertained her.
When he let the 18 year old and her brother ride my ponies without my permission.
When he would give the 18 year old lifts to work, and not come home from her house until 10/11pm when I had the newborn all day, and was BF so was no help at night.

Wow! You’re definitely well rid!

God yes, I so identify with @AngelaChasesBestLife. I was with someone for 4 years. When I broke up with him I barely felt anything and haven't since and I think it is because the last year was so awful. I was never really in love with him and he was abusive and controlling. Any feelings I had disappeared a long time before the end and I was moved on instantly tbh.

On the other hand, I married my XH very young and divorced after a few months and 3 years together. He cheated on me and it took me about 7/8 years to truly get over that.