I’m regretting it

[Jordy229]

I split up with my partner of a year after a period of intense pressure from her (I’m a lesbian) that really triggered me. I’d mentioned it more than once in the past and things just wasn’t getting better. They would for a week then back to normal. I felt suffocated and when I ended it I felt relief. That’s now changed to me constantly thinking about her, missing her, worrying about her and if she’s ok, feeling awful that I ended it and broke her heart.
i haven’t gotten in touch as I’d hate to ruin her getting over it, I just don’t know what to do?
at the time it felt like the only option but now the stress and pressure is gone, that’s lifted, arghh help

If you got back together the problems would still be there and the pressure would return. She's a grown woman and will be fine.

What do you do in your spare time? Is it that you're feeling lonely with time to spare? If so, keep yourself busy. You did the right thing and now you are questioning yourself because she has not gotten in touch with you (I'm guessing).

I am pretty busy so I do not think it is that. I just feel really confused, think it all just got too much and after a traumatic time in the relationship before I completely panicked had to get out. But I don’t want to make contact if it will upset her etc. We have had a few txts, but both have kept it brief and I know that’s he is the type to shut down and not contact me. I just don’t know what to think and I don’t want to say anything if I’m not 100%. Arghhh

You sound lovely, but your exes feelings aren't your responsibility.

The only thing that has changed is you are no longer under pressure because you are no longer in contact. Do you not think the pressure would go back on if you asked her back?

She might be absolutely fine now. Unless you have blocked her, she is able to contact you and would if she wanted to. I know I might sound harsh and I genuinely do not mean to be, but perhaps after some thought she agrees you are incompatible?

You feeling 'relief' tells you that you did the right thing. It's so hard when you really care about someone but from what you've written, it seems it was for the best.

A year is a short time in the grand scheme of things and should have been the honeymoon period, not all the stress you experienced.

What is it you want to get in touch for? Friendship? Reconciliation? Just to check in and make sure she's ok?

If it's the latter then you've exchanged brief messages and that's that, she's likely fine - licking her wounds (maybe!) but getting on with things.

Friendship, probably too soon.

Reconciliation? That's a whole other thing

I think it's easy to be lonely without even realising it, and this informs some very poor decisions with partners (I'm speaking purely from my own experience; take it or leave it, this might not apply to you).

Morrissey sand "I am human and I need to be loved, just like anyone else does" ... and I think this longing can dictate our actions more than we realise at the time.

There is also the rose-tinted spectacles phenomenon, plus the self-doubt. We tend to forget the things that led us to past decisions, and wonder if we just went bonkers.

I'm pretty sure if you had a time machine and could plop yourself back in time, you'd soon remember why you experienced this:

I felt suffocated and when I ended it I felt relief.

We don't just make up this suffering for the sake of it.

Better luck next time OP

sang not sand 🙄