Advice needed, what to do

[Lonestar22]

Me and my wife have been together since 2001, we married in 2010. We moved away to start a new life in 2020. In March of this year my wife decided to leave me, she said that the reasons for this was because I didn't show her any affection or love. She also said that she felt she didn't have any independence.
I was a destroyed human being when this happened. In June I started dating another woman and we are still together now, however my ex has now come back on the scene asking if we can try and save our marriage. We decided to meet up yesterday and as soon as we saw each other (after the initial nerves left) it felt so right and natural being with each other again. Don't get me wrong I love my wife, she was my world, however I am now at a fork in the road of life. I do have strong feelings for my new woman, however because I was with my wife for over 20 years that love is obviously very strong.
We have 2 older children together who have now gotten over the shock of the split and are moving on with their lives.
I really don't know what to do, do I end my relationship with my new woman and save my marriage or do I cut ties with my wife and move on?
I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol

Wow I can imagine this must be really difficult. Does it seem a bit strange that your wife has come out of the woodwork suddenly though? Has something maybe not worked out for her and she's come back because of that? I'm not trying to be cynical - just thinking of different reasons.

Unfortunately only you can make this choice and I think your gut instinct will come in to play here. What is it telling you? If it's telling you to stay with your wife and try to make it work then do it. You did only split up in March this year so it hasn't been very long.

Perhaps have a conversation with your wife and ask why she has suddenly come back in to your life to try and make things work. The last thing you want is your heart broken again while you're trying to repair it.

Good luck!

It appears to me a very difficult situation, but has anything changed in terms of you not being affectionate or loving enough? I mean you could give things another go but what's to say that, in a few months or years, that she won't leave again? In terms of your new relationship, it's early days but it could blossom into something fulfilling. I think you have the answer and know in your heart how you feel. Best of luck deciding OP

Never go back (especially so soon after splitting up). It almost certainly fails 2nd time round.

Does your wife know about the new woman? Maybe that's her motivation to get back together - jealous of seeing you move on?

Should you decide to give it another go, have you and your wife discussed how you would both like things to be different in the future and how to achieve these changes? If not, this could be a good start, maybe with a thought to counselling, as at least one of you weren't happy with the status quo 6 months ago and it would be a pity to smooth over the cracks and fall back into old habits.
However, I would be a little concerned that you were not only ready to move on after 3 months but to also develop 'strong' feelings so quickly after being devastated after the loss of such a long marriage. So, if you decide to stick with your new relationship, for everybody's sake, make sure it's not just a rebound thing.
Whatever decision you make, I hope everything works out as you hope

@Lonestar22

so seemed to have moved on within 6 months ..

far too soon.

spens Time alone to know you

Your wife of 20 years left you ‘destroyed’ but 3 months later you met a new woman? You weren’t destroyed for very long then. Does that strike you as just a bit strange?

Did you show your wife you loved her? We’re you physically affectionate? We’re you emotionally available? Did her happiness matter to you, and how did she know? Ask yourself some questions.

If you don't have any particular feelings one way or another, do the wife a favour. She loved you for 20
YEARS. Surely you feel something for the woman! If not, there's your answer.

I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol

Well it doesn't sound as though you're taking it too seriously, lol

I would just do eenie meenie miney mo.

Are either of your women aware of your dilemma? Lol

Some people just have to be in a relationship and don’t do well alone. My brother was devastated when his wife left him, but within 4 months he was in a relationship with his now 2nd wife. I don’t think that means he wasn’t genuinely devastated when his 1st wife ended things, but he just knew he had to move on with his life and when he realised his now 2nd wife was interested (they worked together and were good friends prior to the marriage ending) he decided to give it a go.

Worked out well for everyone, he is much happier than he ever was with his 1st wife and she’s also remarried (the man she left my brother for) and I now have a new nephew. Life goes on, and I don’t think it means you’re any the less devastated just because you haven’t stayed on your own for years

Destroyed in March but dating 3 months later? You are not ready for a new relationship and you are dragging an innocent party into your unfinished chaos. That is deeply unfair. Grow up and stand on your own feet for a while before dating again.

Have you decided what to do OP?