Getting over an ex-best friend

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Why is it so hard to get over an ex best friend?
I feel in some ways it's almost harder than a break up with a partner.
Any experiences of how to move past it and stop thinking something miraculous will happy that will make it all better?

Have been out to contact with my old friend for more than 10 years now. Recent events made me start thinking about it all again and I still feel so sad and that it's just such a shame and a waste.

i don’t have any advice or even words of wisdom, but just that I know how you feel.

I haven’t seen my best friend for 5 years. It was complicated because she was dating another friend and they split, but she literally disappeared off the face of the earth, and I tried to contact her a few times.

it just sucks and I think of her often. I sometimes hope I will bump into her one day tbh.

How did it end? I think that has a lot to do with closure etc.

There’s no romantic love. That’s why it’s harder.

in a romantic Relationship you have different expectations. I think in some ways they are lower. You allow someone more foibles and faults.

but with friendship it’s a true alignment of your values. There’s no complicated messy sex side. You instead just “get each other”.

then when you part it’s like a fundamental part of you has been rejected. And rejection is very hard to live with.

im with you. Got two best friends who I’ve parted with, through no choice of mine and god it hurts.

I see both sides now though with both so it gives me some closure.

and I don’t stick them on pedestals anymore. That helps.

If you don't mind me asking OP, what is stopping you reaching out to them? That seems like it would be an obvious positive step you could take. What's the back story here?

I totally get this. Friendship break-ups are often just as awful as romantic break ups, sometimes worse.

When I fell out with my best friend recently, it was the most awful time of my life, worse than any relationship break up. I guess with relationship break ups it's often because the spark is gone. Whereas with friendships, it's all based on more concrete compatibility so it hurts more.

You say it's been 10 years now, why not reach out? Even if you fell out at the time, 10 years is a long time and you both would have grown by now.

My best friend suddenly broke contact with me and the rest of our school friends a couple of years after leaving school. I sent her a Christmas card as usual, and then realised I hadn’t had one from her, and never heard from her again. The last time I saw her all was well, but then none of our crowd ever had contact. I tried a few methods (including via her family who I had been close to) but no response. She has no social media presence, but three years ago a mutual friend accidentally discovered her work profile. I desperately wanted to get in touch but decided to respect her decision for a clean break.

It’s exactly half a lifetime since I last saw her and I still miss her.

If recent events have made you start thinking of her again and appreciating the close friendship you once shared, why not just tell her?

10 years should be enough water under the bridge.

If she feels the same way, you can pick things up again. If she doesn't, it's cost you nothing and it's a nice thing to have let her know.

You don’t know what’s going on in her life. She may be embarrassed to get back in touch with you. She may fear you don’t t want to know, or are angry. Just contact her. Life is too short.