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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Making friends

4 replies

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/09/2022 15:45

So I'm 51 and I've found that a few friends I used to have just weren't for me... which is fine, I think in your 40s/50s you can cut people out of your life who just aren't adding value or aren't your type. A few have also moved away from where I live or there seemed to be a Covid type where everyone was really friendly and supportive and then after it I got from one woman in particular a totally strange message (we were not close friends) so ignored her. Another friend was furloed throughout Covid, we met up during one lockdown but since she started back at work she's very active and out and about. I might text her again.

I'd just like someone to meet up for coffee with, do exercise with, maybe see a film or drinks.

I do have some newish friends from school but one drinks really heavily which isn't for me. I also have other friends but one of them works a lot (at weekends sometimes) and others have family commitments or live far away. I do see these friends fairly frequently though.

The last meetup group I joined and went on a couple of events with, they seemed nice enough but were much younger (30ish?) and I look (not a brag!) early to mid 30s. I just didn't feel we had much in common there. Maybe I should try meet up again.

This might sound stupid, there's a woman who owns a local clothes shop who's very friendly and chatty (we discovered we shared the same star sign today, not that that makes any difference!) would it be really weird to suggest a drink with her? We seem to 'click' that way.

OP posts:
Mary46 · 13/09/2022 19:48

Hi op yes go for it. I had a lot of friends cut from my list. They either make zero effort or it fizzled out once kids moved on. Its hard at our age too I think. I joined a walking thing gets me out

Darbs76 · 13/09/2022 19:54

I don’t see why you shouldn’t just say in chat something like if you ever fancy a coffee / drink & chat would be good to get to know you a bit more as we seem to have a lot in common.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 14/09/2022 09:22

@Darbs76 - actually yes. I think I will say that to this woman. We always chat (and I almost always buy something!) but we were talking about her employees and have touched on other issues in the past. It seems so hard sometimes suggesting a drink/coffee but she asked me for a new hairdresser advice yesterday and I gave her mine. I suppose it's finding things in common!

@Mary46 - yes it is harder at our age.

This one woman I know. She originally set up a friendship group and had nights in every month where you'd come and meet other likeminded women (of a similar age), you'd bring snacks/food/drink and watch DVDs/TV. Not all of it was my cup of tea but I went because it was fun. I made 3 really good friends from there. Of course as friendship groups go (it was big) and women of a certain age (mostly without kids), some of them would fall out. I decided to host a thank you meal for this woman (the organiser) and she was really rude and ungrateful to me. Then, not sure what happened but we 'fell out', can't recall in what way but then her mum died suddenly. I personally wasn't that bothered about re-establishing a friendship with her but another woman in the group who is my friend organised an impromptu meetup in town which I couldn't get out of, the organiser was there but I hadn't known she'd be. Then I was in contact with her over lockdown, all very friendly but couldn't really meet up due to distance and rules. But I mentioned to her there were 2 friends I knew who lived very near her whom she'd have something in common with and could meet with them if she liked. I got a very nasty lengthy text having a go at me, saying she never was my friend, I'd tried to be hers etc and really having a go. I was seeing someone seriously then and she mentioned that too, she's had relationship issues in the past. I replied to this one text and then thought, I can't deal with this toxicity so left it and blocked her on everything. But there are 3 friends of mine (1 moved back home abroad) who are friends with her and I haven't said anything, what could I say?

I've also found in my 30s/40s lots of women get the 'don't give a shit' mode about a lot of things including friendships.

Anyway, thanks both of you!

OP posts:
Mary46 · 14/09/2022 11:45

Yes not easy. I knew one through our boys ages so I meet her the odd week away from the walking group. Then the usual yeh we must meet up. Vague. I stopped chasing those people. Find people got flaky in past while...

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