Hi all
I need some advice that I feel isn't favoured towards me (family and friends are in favour of me). I have been with my wife since 2011, married since 2017. We have a little one who is 3 years old. My wife has always suffered with anxiety and mental health so have been there for her as much as I can. When she was on maternity her school were pestering her a few months before she was due to go back to attend this, that and the other with regards to the direction the school was going. This lead to numerous break downs and I told her to forget about it, hand her notice and we will get by on just the one wage. On top of anxiety and her mental health she suffered with Post Natal Depression so I done everything when the little one was small until I had to go back to work, ever since then though she has a very short fuse and bites my head off for things that I feel are out of my control, her outbursts are usually in front of the little one and I don't want her being brought up around this behaviour but at the same time I don't want her growing up in a broken home. The latest issue was her auntie was coming around to watch the little one and she kept pestering me to help (bear in mind every evening all I do is tidy up her mess, dinner plates left on the table, chocolate/crisp wrappers on the settee, toys everywhere) but I never get a thanks, anyway I was logged on for work and told her I can't help as I'm working to which her response was "Useless c*nt, you just sit on your fat ar$e" (when little one present). I've had numerous conversations where I tell her I don't appreciate being called names, and have even bit back where we end up getting into a bit of a ding dong, she told me she was stressed, her mental health takes over and she doesn't mean anything that comes out her mouth so I need to not take it to heart and not react as it only angers her further. My wife has said a few times she doesn't feel supported emotionally to which I've told her I'm struggling due to working full time, looking after the little one when I come home/aren't at work, her flying off the handle when she's triggered to which she said that she doesn't need me and would move in with her folks until she found a place of her own, she would take the little one and dog and would make it hard for me to see them both. I have spoke with her folks who have agreed she sounds very unwell with this behaviour, she is taking medication which clearly isn't working, I've suggested therapy to my wife but her response is always "tried it, it doesn't work on me". I don't know how much more I can take, when I get asked how we're doing from outsiders I always put on a brave face and say we're fine when we clearly aren't, on an evening I'm even taking the dog for longer walks as I don't really want to spend too much time with her, but with her being very controlling she's started telling me he only needs 10 mins and when I'm not back within 10 mins have missed calls and texts asking where I am. This is regular behaviour for her, I went to my mams fiancé (now husband) stag do, only into town and I was told I had to be back by 9.30pm, for the first time in ages I enjoyed myself with the lads, I ended up getting on the 9.20pm bus and got home about 9.55pm to which she asked where I had been or who I'd been talking to, what was I talking about, was I talking about her, etc. Another red flag I recently found is I was in the shower and the little one was watching my phone, I came back into the room where the little one was asking what mammy was doing, to which she responded "I didn't realising you had been speaking to your mam about a new phone, when were you going to tell me this" so now she is checking through my phone but only checking my mams messaging to check I'm not talking about her. Apologies for the war and peace but felt like I should give a bit of background rather than just jumping in with a question with no context. I love my little one to bits and we both need each other at the moment, when I've been to work and come back she always says she misses me which breaks my heart, up to now I've been putting her happiness before mine but my question is how do I move forward from here? I don't want to be away from my little one but don't really want to be around my controlling, verbally abusive wife (also threatened to punch my head in a few times). Any help, guidance or suggestions will be much appreciated.