He doesn't respect others religions

[RLEOM]

Partner of 8 months has always been upfront that he hates religions, for many reasons. I'm not religious at all and follow no faith, but I'm respectful of others and have no qualms about religions. It just is what it is. However, he doesn't like Easter or Christmas, scoffs at anything to do with religion, and even refused to attend Religious Education classes as a teenager.

I saw it as a red flag at first but pushed it to one side because he's not an extremist or anything along those lines. No harm done for not believing in religion.

We spoke about my young daughter and I asked him how he would feel if she got married into a faith - would he still attend the wedding etc. (I was trying to suss out how far it stems.) He said of course he'd attend and join in etc.

Last weekend, we attended a family members first birthday. They're from Nigeria and are very religious. During the party, which was big due to the 1st birthday being highly celebrated in Nigeria, we had to all stand to pray. Granted, my immediate family (not religious) didn't pray but we did all stand up out of respect. He point blank refused to stand up, just sat there until the prayer was done. It's bugged me ever since.

I know it's not too bad in the grand scheme of things, he has every right to not pray or join in, but I saw it as very disrespectful and embarrassing to not at least stand like everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to have a word with him about it? It's really put me off him.

Here's the thing, it IS extremist. You can be an extremist atheist the same way you can be an extremist in a religion. Infact looking back, I've had far more atheists try to 'convert' me and sneer at the idea that I believe in something more than people with different religious beliefs.

This guy can't even be respectful of others who believe in anything. He's a dick. And it is a huge red flag.

I'm an atheist and have my own issues with organised religion, but not with the individuals who follow that faith. If I were to be invited to a religious ceremony then of course out of respect for all of the individuals there I would take part. Awful of your partner to act so rudely. I would be furious and so embarrassed on his behalf.

we had to all stand to pray

No-one HAS TO stand and pray. Not in the UK at any rate.

I would tend to stand respectfully, perhaps looking down gently, if not joining in with any praying or reflection that was being done standing but wasn't commensurate my own belief.

But he hasn't done anything wrong.

Double standards. 'we had to all stand to pray' is not remotely respectful of his beliefs. He should have simply been allowed to sit with no comment from anyone else. How did it harm anyone else?
This was a 'a family members first birthday', not a 'religious ceremony '.

If he was talking or rolling his eyes through the prayer then that would be disrespectful, just sitting quietly isn't.

It doesn't sound as though his broad views on religion and yours align, and given that there is the upbringing of your child to consider as well, I wouldn't continue with the relationship because of that.

He's an idiot.
As you are realising.

Just a side thought but, if you genuinely believe in your religion then I don't understand why you would date someone who doesn't even believe in the possibility of it. Because well, - he isn't going to get into heaven right, if he doesn't believe? So surely at some point you would be driving yourself nuts thinking about that. Worried about the immortal soul of the person you are supposed to love. Or, driving him nuts trying to bring him over to your beliefs.

Unless religion is just cultural to you as opposed to genuine belief in the god/s behind it. In which case I'd be on his side - as its just all pomp and circumstances! And, hypocritical af. Lies and lip service to your maker with no substance or truth in it. That would make you worse than him. At least he knows who he is and what he is all about.

Don't get me wrong, I still think he is a twat. But it's just something to think on. Whether your beliefs are genuine or just lip service. And if they are thr former then, if there's any point continuing the relationship.

It’s just a way of showing how “cool” you are. Its tedious and I’d dump him before he disappears up his own arse!

Why should he stand? He’s being consistent with his beliefs. I’d respect him for that.

He is an immature twat. He thinks that saying he has such strong views makes him interesting.

I'm in the, I don't see a problem, camp. Assuming he sat quietly. I don't think anyone should be pressured into partaking in any sort of religious acts in any way, if they do not want to.

Had he been sniggering/talking/loudly showing his annoyance, that would be a different matter.

I think a lot of people like this are being rather dick-ish to be frank, but it might depend where he comes from. FWIW I think just sitting down during prayers was OK, it wasn't like he stormed out or kicked up a fuss.

I am a 'religious person' in that I am Jewish and observant to some degree and while I have barely ever experience antisemitism, I do come across a lot of anti-religion sentiment from my peers because we're all lefty types and there is an unfortunate tendency of people to think it's smart to blanket diss religion without actually considering how it might fit into other's people lives. A lot of people are surprised when I explain what my religion is to me as it's not what they expect. TBH I don't really think one has to respect 'religion', but one should respect people's expression of religion as long as it isn't harming other people (but they can fuck off if it is!)

There's probably nothing you can do about how your husband feels about it at the end of the day though.

I go to our local cathedral every Christmas Eve for the carol service. One year I asked my partner, now my ex, to come with me. He agreed but made it clear he hated being there, didn't sing, stood with folded arms like a bouncer and pulled faces. He didn't stay for the whole time - it was an hour and a quarter - marched out with a face like a fiddle. I was so upset and found it disrespectful and so childish. Only an hour and a quarter.

Why would he stand, what would be the purpose. Was he being loud and talking/laughing through the prayer or just sitting quietly

I dont stand for the national anthem, I wouldnt stand for a political speech etc

Religious beliefs dont have to be any more respected than any other belief

If he was openly rude to the birthday party goers, thats one thing but not standing up while others stand and pray is not disrespectful

He doesnt have to scoff and laugh at every mention of religious festivities or parties or celebrations, you can tell him he doesnt have to 'perform' his dislike, its tedious as someone said, but that is very different to the main thing you are complaining about

As someone else said, why would you enforce his observation of the prayer by expecting that he stand?

I think people of faith or even ambivalent pp don’t understand how offensive prayer is to agnostics.
I got utterly torn apart on here for posting a prayer to soften the hearts of those who want to believe but can’t on a thread about envying faith. It gave me a real insight.
@RLEOM you’re best placed to know what was going on at the party, how it was received and whether this action is symptomatic of a wider refusal to flex and be accommodating.

@Etinoxaurus this pretty hardcore atheist thought that was actually a pretty great thing to do. Really kind to those who are seeking.

Aww thanks @pointythings
I remember on the thread the op didn’t respond specifically to the prayer and some defended me but overall it gave me an insight to tread more gently.
Sorry for the derail @RLEOM

Maybe everyone else was being impolite to him!

He should have been told in advance and given the opportunity to (or been asked to) step out of the room whilst the fairies danced or whatever happened.

What if he was religious and his religious beliefs were different and that everyone who didn’t share his beliefs would burn in hell? I bet there were plenty in the room that thought that (even if only privately) of you and him.

He was polite enough to not laugh at them all.

I'm clearly an odd one out here because I think you partner is not only right to not stand up, considering his views on religion he would be a hypocrite if he had done it. I wouldn't have stood up either. I'm an atheist and forcing people to stand to hear a prayer at a birthday-party is just not done. That's disrespectful to us, the atheists. If I go to your church, your temple, your mosque and refuse to follow your tradition, then yes, then I'm clearly disrespectful, but I absolutely refuse to be disrespected by religious people forcing religion on me everywhere else.

It's a bit like taking the knee when the national anthem is being played. I think there is room for quiet dissent to religion.

If he was attention seeking I wouldn't like it, but if he thought he was doing the right thing I would accept it.