Helping children through separation

[Pennywalks]

I am 9 days in from separating from my partner of 12 years, we have 1 child together aged 10 and I have my dd who is 15.
He had/has a drinking problem and it was a horrible atmosphere in the home, he was always angry or shouting, never knowing when he would be home or what state he would be in when he did get home, laying on the sofa all day as too hungover to get up.
Ive been trying to talk to the children to see how they are feeling, neither have seen him yet, I doubt my oldest will want to after things she has seen and heard from him when drunk. Youngest d is going to see him for the first time this weekend for a couple of hours.
I keep trying to start conversations with how they are feeling, oldest says she is happy now that he is gone and she’d been having a really hard time while he was at home. Youngest D says she likes it just us now and hasn’t missed him as he was always at work, also that she doesn’t want to talk about.
im not at the stage where I want to tell people so not a lot of people know.
Am I overthinking their feelings or can they really be fine with it?
Should I wait until they come to me to talk when they feel ready?
I don’t feel fine at all, I feel constantly sick, just getting us ready to leave the house in the morning to go to work and school seems like a mammoth effort and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day at the moment.

I think you’ve done really well with your dc by the sounds of it. As long as they know they can talk to you at any time they’ll be fine.
Where will your younger dc see her father? When married to an alcoholic I found I had to be on top of the practicalities —- I was there to drive for example so there was no risk of him driving them drunk.
Treat yourself well, be kind to yourself. Living with an alcoholic is hell, your life will get so much better without him.

Hello, well done. This is a useful thread to me as ive had conversations this weekend with DH, who also has alcohol issues, on separating. I imagine my kids will be similar to yours. They will talk to me when they need to. Just be ready to discuss things if they ask? I think youve done the right thing up to now and dont force it. They are probably still processing it all

You really should let at least your younger dds school know so they can keep an eye on her and support as needed.

I will be driving my dd to see her dad and pick her up, he is staying with his family so I know that other people will be around if needed.
I am worried about letting the school know as it’s a very small village school and dd’s teacher is a great teacher but is the biggest gossip and it wouldn’t stay private for very long.
My girls currently seem happy, I will just make sure they know they can talk to me when they feel ready to.