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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living apart in the same house with baby on the way

8 replies

AintNoSunshine8 · 13/09/2022 04:28

Last night my boyfriend of 8 years told me he wanted time apart while living in the same house as we have not been getting on and that it's wearing him down. I'm in my third trimester with our first baby.
Is this going to work?
I think he wants to leave me but I really don't want that to happen. I love him so much.
The problems all started when he changed his attitude towards me in July.. I asked him what was bothering him but he wouldn't tell me. As time went on and I was still asking if he was ok, things got worse. He wouldn't speak to me spend time with me or even look at me. I got fed up of asking and I went into a similar mood. Apparently that's his main problem, that I went like that. But he had been in a mood for several weeks by then and not telling me what was wrong.
Eventually when drunk everything came out at the end of August. It made sense the way he had been. So since then I've been trying to work things out but don't feel like he's putting any effort in. I think he's just given up on us.
I just want the best for this baby but I don't think I could be my best without him. It's been a stressful time as it is and this is making everything worse. Has anyone got any tips on how I can work on this and win him round? Thanks

OP posts:
stayinghometoday · 13/09/2022 04:55

It will only get worse when you're both sleep deprived tbh. Maybe you could get some counselling for yourself to figure out how to go forward?

And he might have had his head turned...

Starlightstarbright1 · 13/09/2022 04:58

Sounds like there is someone else tbh.

felulageller · 13/09/2022 06:05

He's moved on so needs to move out.

Don't co register the birth!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/09/2022 07:16

I hate to say this
but it sounds like this twat has either found someone else or has cold feet

you can’t sadly turn this around

better to put your energies into planning and having a brave conversation about what’s going to happen practically after the birth

trust me of this is how he rolls
you don’t want a life with him

he ignores you
then gets upset when you ignore him back ?
nah

im sorry as facing this when heavily Pregnant is brutal xxx
but you have a very long life ahead of you

Dery · 13/09/2022 07:27

It’s rotten of your BF to pull away like this when you’re pregnant with his child. And to lay the blame on you for the relationship breakdown. This is when he should be at his most protective of you, not sulking and giving you a hard time. That is not how a decent man behaves. He sounds like a selfish, self-centred man-child who will make a bad father, not worth hanging on to.

Pegsonstrings · 13/09/2022 14:31

A classic case of a man who has found someone else and is attempting to blame you for it by reflecting his behaviour he showed you in July. The only reason he is asking to stay together in the same place is so he has time to find out if the new flame is right, and potentially safe enough money to move out disregarding you and the baby.

the only thing you can do is stay super calm, ask hun to leave and stay focused on the new arrival. Also, gather all your self worth up and dignity as he will try everything to sway you or the script of how things are going in his favour, no man wants to be the culprit in a relationship breakdown. They always need the woman to be the fault.

WaveyHair · 13/09/2022 14:37

He wouldn't speak to me spend time with me or even look at me.

He has something to hide. Not taking any responsibility or effort to get things back on track just adds to this.

What happened end of August when he got drunk? Just that it is all your fault?

Nah. Seriously kick him out whilst he sorts himself out. he can come back if he is prepared to actually put something into this relationship. Whilst he does this, make a backup plan.

theremustonlybeone · 13/09/2022 14:42

You can’t be your best with out him? Are you being serious? Your in a highly stressful situation and pregnant to boot. Your OH doesn’t speak or look at you and wants to live in the house as if your ghosts. I think you might find you would be living your best life by chucking his ass out and getting family over to support you. Sadly it sounds like his head has turned and he is starting to re write history and the reason he is staying in the house is so outsiders don’t think he is a shitbag for deserting his pregnant DP. It’s all a front

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