My sister is having her first baby next year, the whole family is very excited. I put her together a little gift bag the last time I saw her, nothing special just little bits and bobs for the baby and pamper bits for her. This was before she even announced the pregnancy. 2 weeks later she text me to say I’d taken no interest in her, if I want a relationship with her baby I must meet her as she will not interact on a virtual basis only. Has also said, and I quote, she ‘will not expose a child to this level of toxicity’. This mystified me. It was two weeks since we’d seen one another, I’d text her every few days fleetingly. Is that not normal for working people?
She has form for being manipulative and is very clever about how she does things. I never feel good in her company at all.
My parents see no fault in her behaviour and whenever I’ve pointed it out to them they say it’s her MH to blame and if I knew her better I’d know that, when it’s not that excuse it’s the fact I ‘read into things’ and have always been sensitive.. Her own DH is lovely but sits back while she behaves as she pleases. She believes her DH’s immediate family dislike her, not sure how true this is as only met the people a couple of times. Continues to say things like ‘I am the one to have the first grandchild’. Before this they had a wonderful wedding but it was the only thing the family were allowed to talk about, woe betide bringing anything else up - at best you’d be ignored. I tried to go along with this at first but I can’t ignore the negative effects it has on me at gatherings, it forces me and OH, who are slightly younger than them but not that far behind in life stage, right into the shadows. We are humble anyway and don’t like to show off, OH is relaxed and happy to talk with them about their things but I personally think it’s wrong that they are all the family talk about. To the point we can’t even talk about our jobs or what we did at the weekend as something she has to say needs to be heard.
I do want a relationship with DN and I would be absolutely gutted to not have one, I never pictured family life going this way. Short of me crawling to her though, what can I do? I don’t think it’s hormones as like I say, she has form for being like this. She demanded I stepped up before her wedding and threatened I’d lose my position there because I couldn’t make one dress fitting appointment on a day I was working, she had only told me 48 hours before. Never apologised for this, I felt too crappy to go to the next one she’d scheduled which has fed her narrative that I don’t care about her!
Damned if I do and damned if I don’t, or that is the way it feels.