what should I do???

[yaz2]

i am not sure where to start but really need someone to talk to so here goes.... I have been married for 8 years and have 2 beautiful kids but the problem is not them its the relationship between me and dh. well safe to say we never had a fantastic sex life to begin with but thought we were in love (atleast I did) we dont really talk just everyday stuff or stuff to do with the kids. we have virtually no sex life (I want it but he seem so distant and uninterested) if be spend any amount of time together we have nothing to say or else argue.
I know that I will get torn apart here for saying this but I have a comfortable life I have no qualifications and don't work and he earns good money. He loves the kids with all his heart. I just don't think he loves me. I care for him very much but am not sure if I am 'in love' with him. I am virtually in tears just typing this as it makes it hit home even more but I feel so empty and don't know what to do my kids need there dad and they have a good life here and so do I but it seems life something is missing...
Sorry for the long post just needed to get this out of my system.

I felt like this with my exh & it is sad we tried relate etc. Have you tried relate? But for us it didnt work out & I took the decision to leave & that was 3 years ago. It is an awful feeling when you feel empty & unloved. But the only good thing that came out of our divorce is that he spends quality time with our 2 ds. Sorry not very good at giving advice but other on here are. But just wanted to post as it made me remember how I felt when I was going through the same. I am sending you a big hug. xx

I do sympathise with how you feel. It's very easy for couples to get into this kind of rut when you're looking after the kids and house etc.

The obvious question - have you actually tried to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling about your relationship? He may be wanting to talk to you but doesn't know how. It sounds as though communication is a problem. There are many things you can do to improve this.

What about arranging a babysitter and going out for a meal - just the two of you. You can then talk without getting into a row. Try and make some time just for yourselves and be a couple. Blimey, I sound like a Relate Counsellor!

Sometimes, we lose sight of how we feel and taking steps to really communicate and look at how you both feel may make things clearer for you.

Sorry to hear that your feeling so . Maybe a way to reignite some spark into your relationship is to start spending some special time again. Go out for dates again? If an argument arrises to try defuse it with some witty banter or change the subject, try to not get caught up in the argument. This may sound hard but after a little practice it will come easily!.(this works with my dp a treat and has stopped many an argument) I'm not really sure what else to add... hopefully someone else will come along soon.

And maybe just typing a pros and cons list may remind you of reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place. And what needs work on.

You say that you don't think he loves you. Do you tell him you love him?

Maybe he's just stopped expressing his love to you but he may still feel love towards you? You should maybe discuss this with him, it may awake emotions in him you haven't seen for a long time. If you really aren't in love with him is it worth being in an unhappy realationship and keep living a lifestyle you enjoy?

I've read this back and its all a bit of a mishmash but hopefully just reading a reply will help. (and maybe just one point may be useful out of the lot)

oh people have posted now. Please don't read mine.

oh people have posted now. Please don't read mine.