Done with relationships. Final nail in the coffin.

[RosaMoline]

I’m not really looking for advice, just need to vent!
to put in context, I have been divorced for four years now, separated for six. I’m 55, been told I look good for my age, am reasonably intelligent, feminine and glamorous and possess a good sense of humour.
I’ve given up on OLD. No luck with that all, so decided I would leave things to fate. If it happens, it happens. If not, fine.
I haven’t been in a relationship for over three years now & have basically been living the life of a nun since then. No touch of a man in all that time.
On Saturday, I went to an open air music event. To cut a long story short, I bumped into someone from my past. My teens/early 20s to be exact. He’s 57 now. We didn’t have a thing back then as dating other people at the time.
Anyway, he’d had a few drinks and so had I. Just a bit tipsy, not off our faces. Anyway, one thing led to another, and we danced. Close close. He was quite handsy (!) and we shared a few very pleasant kisses. Spent hours with each other. Before I leave the venue, I friend request him & he accepts immediately
Today I hear from him on messenger. What a lovely time he had on Saturday. I give him my number so we can continue the conversation outside of Facebook. He texts me more or less straightaway, just normal chit chat.
Then - he drops an absolute zinger and confesses he’s in a relationship & was I? and what did I think…I honestly would not have done any of the above if I had any inkling. There’s nothing on his Facebook profile to suggest he’s in a relationship/seeing someone.
I messaged back saying that I am
100% single, I’m not prepared to be anyone’s side piece, and that he has behaved despicably, and if he’s unhappy with his situation, he should do the decent thing and end it.
He then sent me a message saying that I was right, he’s sorry, and he won’t contact me again.
Just really disappointed to be bloody honest. It’s ages since I had the feels for anyone, and back in the day, he was always thought of as being one of the good guys, not a player.
That’s me done for the foreseeable. I’m destined to end my days Miss Havisham style with my kitties!

What a dickhead. Sorry, OP.

Also, I quite aspire to kitties and a large, crumbling house...

Well done, OP - I know it's disappointing, but you should be proud that you kept your dignity and your standards high. Better single (cats are wonderful, though!) than to be with a cheat. What a slime that guy was!

Men are such dicks. Good on you for sacking him off straightaway OP!

Don't let one experience with one person change your view on life. There are no less good men out there now than there were before this happened.

That said, have a relationship when you want one (which is clearly now, otherwise this wouldn't have bothered you so much) rather than making rash decisions when you're in the middle of a tantrum about how shit men are. What if you meet Mr Perfect tomorrow? Are you really going to tell him to leave you alone because you're upset with someone else snogging you inappropriately?

Gah what an arse.

People are individuals though and all people have some good and some bad and sometimes people have more good than bad and vice versa. You have shown good standards and boundaries for yourself so there is no need to give up on relationships unless you want that but obviously you do have a well working bullshit monitor which quite a lot of people don’t so you are all set to go.

Thanks everyone who’s replied so far. I’m just a bit cross at the moment.

To be fair I'm surprised you didn't ask if he was in a relationship before he started being 'handsy' and before you started kissing.

The whole dissapointment thing could have been avoided by asing him a question.

Harsh but even most young people do this before engaging in tongue sports.

I hope you find someone who is available, good luck.

@PineOrange - in my defence, he did volunteer that he was divorced on Saturday, but didn’t elaborate any further.

Oh what an absolute chancer. And how disappointing. I don’t blame you for being cross. I’ve been single 3 years too and have resigned myself to a life of cats and Netflix. I’m mid-40s. It seems like the worst period in history for dating at the moment.

My friend had a very similar experience last month. Honestly, what idiots these men are!

Well yes he sounds like a chancer then, do you think he was suggesting being his side piece whilst he kept the other relationship going, or was it more of a I would like to see you but I need time to dump the other first.

Only you would know what vibe he sent out.

I’m 50 soon, been single for 10 years!! One awful bout of sex that quite frankly wasn’t worth it, from OLD. I felt he wanted a woman with a house to move his family into so decided not to pursue it any further! Red flags and all that.

I’ve resigned myself to a life of singledom because I just cannot be arsed with most mens utter drama and bollocks.

I’m also overweight with a shite dress sense and don’t really make the best of myself but then again I can’t be arsed 😂😂😂

@PineOrange

I believe the implication was that I was the potential side piece, but that I would be understanding of his ‘situation’
If you saw his Facebook profile, there is absolutely no hint of him being coupled up, none at all. No status, no tagged in anything, no pics. Just stuff with family!

I forgot to say, at least you found out very early what an arsehole he is!

@fortheloveofflowers

yes, thank fuck. At least he confessed before we went on a date or anything!

Must be dissapointing, with knowing him from your youth, memories ruined and all that.

Men do dissapoint.

Take care.

Disappoint

Ah now. How could this possibly be turned to be the OPs fault. It is one of my least favourite things about MN about how the OP could have and should have done a multitude of things to be saved from being mistreated. It is so prolific on MN.

@PineOrange
thank you for your kind words

I suppose he did tell you. A bit late, but he didn't let it progress.

My best friend is 44 she's split up with her partner of 20 years and is absolutely "desperate" (there is no other word for it) to meet "someone new"

She's had 6 months of being online meeting randome losers in loosing track, interest and sympathy when it all goes wrong

It sounds horrible to be honest I know there must be some success stories but she is attracting some total dregs of society off various sites!!!

I personally wouldn't bother I have a partner but if we separated I'm not needy enough to be honest!

@ChaToilLeam

your friend has my sympathies. It’s very disheartening isn’t it?

I’m glad I am where I am today. A couple of years ago I made some very poor decisions due to getting stuck into the vino most evenings. I’ve really worked on myself since then (had 2 terrible relationship experiences at that time)

The positives here are

yoI had chemistry again
you managed to shut it down fast when you learnt the truth

someone said why do men cheat , answer - because they can

but don’t assume this is the end of love and sex
just very disappointing with this one