Seeing ex with new wife...why does it hurt?

[curtaintales]

We split up over 2 years ago and since then he has married and I'm in long term relationship.
Seeing pics and videos of him with her kills me.
He treated me awful,not just bad but sadistic.
Doing things to deliberately hurt me,put me through so much,caused me so much upset and now it's like he is someone I don't recognise.
How can he change from the nasty person he was to this.
I've got so many questions
Why couldn't he treat me nice
Why didn't I deserve the same respect he shows her
I was good enough too.
It makes me really upset even tho I've moved on

I muted new wife on social media, saved mental health. I was completely over him and we socialise as a blended family - we share a child and both have additional children who all get on well with each other, which I value immensely. But, I don't need to see the minutiae of their perfect life. Also, as other posters have said, they are posting their 'best life not reality.

I'll tell you a secret OP. My ex treated me like dirt. I was a skivvy and paid for our lifestyle. Only looking back do I see how bad.
During the relationship I knew I was being taken for granted. I wasn't appreciated like I saw other couples love, admire and respect each other.

I smiled for pictures, I paid for hotel rooms at weddings, I would give him money on couples nights out so he could pretend he was the stereo typical man taking his partner out and looking after her. I paid for his car, I paid for our holidays, I paid for his clothes, I paid for our home and I never told a soul. I'm ashamed to admit it but there it is.

I pretended, I pretended so much it became the norm.

He's not treating her differently to how he treated you, she's pretending. That I can promise,

Must be really hard for you to see this.

1. Stop finding occasions to see this. Unfollow/block
2. you don't know what their relationship is like outside of photos
3. get therapy, it sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem (I mean who doesn't! But therapy helps and will probably help you get over him/this feeling)

Dr Ramani on you tube is your best friend here. They don’t change.

I don’t think people change if they have that nasty side to them

yes people can evolve and learn
but once a sadist ….

he might be nice for a year
two years
even five

but life will happen and the mask will split
mark my words x

he behaves like that because of HIM

not you , you didn’t make him nasty

Well you need to clear out some of these people off social media

Just because you aren't on their social media doesn't mean you can't be friends

Take control of the situation and as others have said they are still in the honeymoon period he probably hasn't shown his true colours yet!

Serious deja vu. I swear this is a PBP with the same old story.

Instead of you guys feeding OPs hopeful fantasies that he might begin treating his new wife as awful as OP was (shows the mentality on this site btw, schadenfreude at the thought of another woman going through hell, no wonder every other post is LTB)

Instead of giving OP bad advice how about someone point out the obvious fact that she claims she has no problema with the couple, yet seeing them together causes so much distress and yet she juat continues to punish herself.

LoekMa

agree that op should definitely delete and remove all traces , and proactively stop torturing herself

that said , I’d say given what ive
learnt id say people repeating abusive behaviour patterns is a tad more likely than a hopeful fantasy !
male female abusive behaviour is a long engrained issue and comes from gender , upbringing and some deeply sat beliefs that some men have - and how they give them self permission to behave with a woman versus other people in their life

it’s not because one woman is right for him and another is wrong for him

as when the troubles start , his behaviour will morph again

the statistical chance of him changing (unless he’s really worked on himself ) are low

It's not schadenfreude to recognise that he will likely do this to any partner. It's not about enjoyment about someone else's suffering. It's about recognising that his behaviour is his, regardless of his circumstances/company, and therefore allows OP to see that she is not in any way responsible for what he did.

It's all about OP, and not about anybody else.

And on twitter you can select <Mute> so that you still show as following them but don't see any posts.