I am in my mid-30s. My parents got divorced when I was 18. I had always known that my mother hated my real father, beacuse she used to tell us all the time (I have 2 older siblings). My mother married my stepfather about 16 years ago. I have always disliked him because of his crass, downright rude "sense of humour", his rascist comments (he is English, we are not), his drinking, his irresponsible attitude to money (he has got my mum into serious debt on several occassions), etc... He is now in his mid-70's and has become worse over the years. My mother has left him twice, each time for nearly a year, but has gone back to him. She filed for divorce last January (she asked for my help as I am a lawyer), but never finalised it because he has been round to see her and keeps calling her to say he is sorry and how he loves her...bla...bla...I have tried not to interfer, yet she accuses me of interfering even though she has specifically asked for my help with the divorce and the debts he has left her with. I feel I just can't win. I don't care about him any more and refuse to visit because I don't want to see him, but the problem is I love my mother and he has managed to put a huge amount of distance between my mother and I with his constant "brainwashing", saying things like your kids shouldn't come sound so often they are grown up and married, etc..In fact I live in another city and hardly ever she my mother. The last 16 yeras have been extremely difficult and I feel very alone now. The problem is I loved my own father - he did everything for me although he lived 1000 of miles away in another country and adored me and encouraged me with my education throughout my life. Sadly he died in 1995 and I have never managed to cope with that loss. I had severe depression and went on antidepressants for a whole year because of his death. My stepfather on the other hand has a chip and constantly "takes the p" because I am a lawyer. My mother's father was a self-made millionaire and that has always caused a problem as well, he obviously feels inadequate beacuse we are from well off background and he has never had a penny to his name. Sorry for the rant, but my mum rang me from abroad last week and gave me the shock of my life - depite the divorce proceedings she has got back togther with my stepfather and they are going to stay abroad for a month. I don't know what to do when they get back. I feel I am losing my mother. Luckily I have a wonderful DH and baby DS, otherwise I would go completely mad. My mother now thinks I am enemy no. 1 and thinks I always try to get her to split up from that miserbale hole, when all I have tried to do is tried to get her to see reason. She is the one who initiated the divorce last yaer and asked for my help. I have never tried to forec her into divorcing him. He has destroyed my family. Please give me some advice - how can I get my mother back on my side ? She is 66 and has a serious illness, I am worried I will lose her and it will all be too late.