Think I have feelings for my male best friend

[aghostinthethroat]

I've been close friends with him for about 10 years now. When we were younger, other friends were convinced he liked me (and I kind of thought so too, but not certain) but I wasn't interested. A few years later, I started to think about him differently, and then he got a girlfriend. And that's what it's been like really - if one of us is single, the other is with someone, until more recently, when we're both single.

Recently the feelings are just on my mind constantly, and I don't know what to do. I came out of a bad marriage a few years ago, and I worry that my view of things has been coloured by that (that it's just nice to spend time with a decent man). He's moving to a new city soon to start a new job, so I don't want to confuse things for him when he should be focused on building things there.

But he's just on my mind all the time! I wish I hadn't been so young and stupid all those years ago, and seen what was in front of me. Every time I see him I feel like I'm on the verge of saying something, but I don't know whether to or not. What should I do?

Does he have a partner at the moment? When you have had other partners have you preferred to spend time with them or with him?

You didn't fancy him years ago so forget about the past. My experience of telling a friend how you feel is that it goes badly as it's awkward and sudden. I would instead just try and meet up with him more (e.g. go and visit him in his new city) and see how things go. I do expect that your relationship experience is causing you to fixate a bit. But you will be able to tell, deep down, if he is interested in you or not.

Life is too short to wonder what if.
There is a reason the two of you stayed friends, there must be a connection.
Now both of you are single - so timing is finally right.
You don’t want to reach end of life and still wonder and regret not trying.

It is scary to make that step and open up. But he is your friend - if you can’t be open and vulnerable with him - who else, really.
I’d do in with something light and jokey…
Something to do with - should we give it a go, now we are both available, and more mature ……
As to the move - unless it’s overseas - it’s not an issue, really.

Go for it

Get drink together, say "I've always wondered what snogging you would be like, just saying"

See what happens.

But only snog at first you can get a friendship back after a snog it gets more complicated the further up the bases you go!

@OnTheBrinkOfChange we're both single at the moment. We spent a lot of time together when we were in the same place (lived in different places at times, so didn't see much of each other then) and kept in contact regularly. We worked together for a while, so saw him nearly every day. So, it's hard to say? I always wanted to spend time with him, sometimes with our partners. I always want to tell him about things that happen and to know what he thinks about things - even when i was married, I would be more eager to tell him some things than I would be to tell my husband.

Forget the past. You’re both single now. Why not say something? As a PP said, do you really want to live with what ifs?

You don’t have to lay it on thick. Just something to the effect that you have feelings for him and wonder how he would feel about exploring that. If he isn’t feeling the same, then it’s as well to know sooner rather than later - then you can start working on getting over him. But if the feelings are mutual (and they may well be), then this could be the start of something amazing.

Imagine yourself a year from now looking back at this moment - do you think you would rather have said something, whatever the outcome, or said nothing and let another opportunity to be with this man slip through your fingers? I’m guessing the former.

@aghostinthethroat

Going through a similar thing except my male friend is married and I am too.

I wasn't at all interested in him but now I have feelings.

Well I just want to talk to him all the time. Everyday he is on my mind.

Like you feel like I missed the boat. Should have dated him but was into different guy then and the time I went back to talk to him he was getting married.

I did the what are we talk and said I felt closer to him.. didn't say I felt something but put it on him does he still want to sleep with me. He would say comments to me though. He like I do flirt but we are friends.

Ask him out for a drink and it depends on how he sees you now. Tread carefully as you might lose him especially if he got past them feelings. Maybe tell him if he seems like he does still want you. Life so short and if he gets with someone how will you feel.

@aghostinthethroat
I said I felt closer to him while we had that talk. Instead of saying how I felt I said does he still want to sleep with me
He not joking when we talk like before.

You’ll spend the rest of your life thinking what if. Go for it!!

@aghostinthethroat

The last part of this is me now even when I have a partner. I want to tell him stuff because sometimes my DP doesn't get it.

When I thought let me leave this man be he sends a message asking what my story about. I said don't worry and he asked if I was okay otherwise.

Really wanted to say no I am not really but thought just leave him. I have relied on him too much.

Go for it. But no need to make it a huge big declaration. Go out, have a fun night, have some drinks, and go for the ⬆️‘I wonder what it would be like if we snogged’ way in…