son wore stbxh's ex-girlfriends tee-shirt.

[malibuvalley]

DS8 came back wearing another tee-shirt because he got it dirty after a day out with his dad. He doesn't stay over and sometimes comes back with his dad's tee-shirts. I've got a couple and want to return . Then I notice one of the tee-shirts is a ZARA tee-shirt, size 10. She split with him one month after the kids came back into his lives (his choosing ). He had wanted to settle down with her. She knew he had kids and whilst he was with her, he forgot about his kids for 3 years.

Do I give back the ZARA tee -shirt or dump it ? Will he realize that it actually belongs to her ?? Am I right to be pissed he gave it to my kid to wear or just honest mistake ? Do I say I don't want my kids wearing her stuff and he should get rid of it or is that going to stir the pot ? What would you do?

I don’t think it matters at all as long as DS was ok to wear a woman’s tshirt.
Send it back to your ex, washed, so that he can pass it onto the ex gf.

wash it and return it with the other t shirts

i get that you’re angry, but your anger is misplaced. Don’t escalate this.

He's a shit for "forgetting" about his kids for 3 years (if you mean he stopped seeing the children while with her) - I suspect that's what this is about.

The t-shirt doesn't matter and was probably just there and a better fit on an 8 year old child physically than an adult man's t-shirt, so a practical emergency spare, unless your ex is tiny himself! If its a plain t-shirt probably nobody would know its a woman's (I know my 11 year old son sometimes wears my fully adult size older teen dd's plain or sports t-shirts by accident, and indeed she borrowed a t-shirt from him on holiday, but couldn't wear his dad's without noticing as they'd be down to his knees!)

This is probably not actually about the t-shirt is it?

Send him with spare clothes in future. I think your issue rightly so, is that he wasn't in his child's life for 3 years.

Yes, I have a whole load of spare clothes at his dad's.

And yes, I will send it back. It was just a trigger for me.

DS's dad is now trying his best to spend as much time as possible with him, and providing generously.

You shouldn't have to send him with spare clothes! His dad should make sure the kids have stuff at his place.

(agree with PP that the zara t-shirt /her t-shirt is a reasonable solution for his dirty one)

I dont think he realised-its just a son sized t shirt and probably just got put away with sons clothes. Not worth getting in tizz about

My guess is that a woman size 10 t shirts fits your child better than an adult man's. Just give it back like you normally would.

Massive, massive overreaction. Your ex found a T-shirt that fit your son and put him in it. That’s it.

I know ...I know...massive overreaction and I thought it myself too. Actually that zara tee shirt is the same size as my son's other tee shirts so I think it was an honest mistake.

I bet you your ex thought it was kids t-shirt; size 10 (years old). He had no idea it was
from his ex.
I think you are misplacing your anger at your ex onto his gf. In the end if the day - HE chose not to see his kids. It may have been for her, but still was HIS choice.

This is less to do with the tshirt and more to do with your understandable anger at him sidelining his kids for three years in favour of a girlfriend, whom this tshirt represents to you.

It's really difficult to hold it together when your children's father doesn't do the right thing, you're hurt on your kids behalf, it's understandable. When it feels like it's because he's choosing a woman over them, it's even worse.

Send it back with the other tshirts. Or take it in the garden and perform a new moon burning ritual, whatever works.

Its not her size that is triggering you this badly is it?