Honest opinions

[MrsLT92]

Hi so I've been married for 6 years together for 13. I feel like we were happy on the whole although few things did happen in arguments with name calling from him but pushed it to one side as it wasn't regular. We now have a nearly 3 and 1 year old and it seems to of gotten worse. Half the time I don't even know how the argument has started or even what it is about but I'm just getting verbal abuse. It's not all the time, we seem to go through phases every few months but it's starting to wear me down now. The last 2 I feel have been the worst. I was in a bikini with the hot weather over the summer and in front of both children told me to take my saggy tits and fuck off. Then my nearly 3 year old repeated it telling my husband to fuck off. I was horrified. He then storms off upstairs and says you can deal with the kids and sits watching TV refusing to speak to me like a child. About a month ago he started again just after we put the kids in bed saying i smother him, suffocate him, he wants to get away from me.
He only gets 1 hour to himself when he gets home from work when I've gone to bed.
Saying he can't handle our eldest and he wants to change his shift so he spends less time with us all. I think i just sat there and took it all. After we have a chat and he says he didn't mean it etc etc. So why does he do it?
He does have great qualities otherwise I wouldn't of married him but since children it's escalated and I'm so unsure and scared of what to do. Almost feel like am I over reacting? Is this normal in an argument? We've been together since I was 17 and never really had a serious relationship with anyone else.
I'm also so upset at the thought of having 2 children and not having their parents together 😔
Please be kind. If you've got this far thank you for reading xx

My honest opinion is that your husband is abusing you and your children. The things you describe - verbal abuse and silent treatment - are not normal and are not loving.

This won't get better. It will escalate further. Only you can end it. I'm sorry.

Better to have parents that live apart .. than to be living in an abusive household.

You aren’t doing your children any favours by keeping this current situation going.

What are these “great qualities” you talk about ?

Men with “great qualities” don’t tell their partner they have “saggy tits” and to “fuck off” in front of their kids.

Set your standards higher

You’re not wrong, OP. That’s not okay behaviour regardless of any conceivable excuse about being over worked, stressed or anything else. Nobody should be talked to like that either with or without children. If it’s escalating, you’re right to be concerned. Other posters will come along with better advice on next steps. I’ve been where you are and left the relationship. I’m much happier and so is my daughter. You can be happy too. Big hugs.

You are not overeacting! He is abusing you and your children! This wont get better i’m sorry to say. You’d all be happier if he left.

Yet another man who's had kids and gotten buyers regret;seems to happen all the time on here;the kids are nearly always toddlers/babies.

They say a man's true colours show when the children arrive.

He has children and has basically decided he doesn't want to parent anymore and after 10 year of devoting yourself just to him he's got to share your attention with the children.

He's vile and you and your children deserve better than this cowardly man.

There's nothing normal or acceptable about this. I've been married 25+ years, and my husband has never once spoken to be like that. I wouldn't tolerate it if he did. Your children have already modeled his abuse. How much more are you willing to subject these poor kids to?

He wants to get away from you? Pack his bag and call him a taxi. You know this isn't right and is not fair on your kids to witness this. Divorce is not a disaster in comparison to this.

Give him what he wants and let him get away from you. As far away as possible. He is a terrible role model for your children. Do not put up with this shit.

Thanks everyone for your comments.
Do you have any advice on what I need to do in terms of financial support etc. I've just gone back as self employed but not earning a great deal still at the minute as not doing many hours with youngest only just turning 1. We are both on the mortgage, would we have to sell or would I be able to keep till children are of an age where it wouldn't disrupt their lives as much?

You, and in turn your children here, are being abused by your H. Neither child here can afford to further copy their dads words.

My guess too is that he was “happy” with you before the children arrived and now he’s annoyed that his position as Number 1 Man has been usurped. Abusers often ramp up the abuse further when children arrive too, it’s a flashpoint for such men. Make no mistake, such men hate women and all of them.

You need legal advice on these points you raised and asap. Do not remain married to such an individual. I would also suggest you contact Women Aid too as they can help also.

Really sorry this is happening I agree with everyone this is clearly abuse.

I would say you don't have to decide right now how you will leave, you can get ducks in a row before separation. Get support if you can talk to anyone.

Can you start saying yes to the things he suggests, like changing his hours, just to get him away from you while you have time to think?

Erring in the side of 'benefit if the doubt'... while I can't condone his behaviour, it really is inexcusable... to me it sounds like the overarching reason behind all this is him being exhausted. Long days at work, not much time alone with some peace and quiet, stressful kids... I know you're in it too but maybe it's hitting him harder?

Babysitter, holiday away together? Have a day out with the kids to let him recuperate. Many guys really need a period of not doing ANYTHING. It sounds so simple but please just try that first before doing anything serious.

You think you're over reacting, I think you're under reacting, he's a vile man and not a good husband or role model and father to his dc

He isn't happy with his lot on life and clearly doesn't like it respect you. He will only get worse, you and your children deserve better than this OP.