It’s the sex!

[MommaDuck]

Apologies in advance for the long post!

Background: been with partner around 6 months now. On the whole a good relationship, my first in a couple of years. He is a big guy, over 6ft4, around a size 38-40 waist but does have a belly on him. I’m very attracted to him, and actually prefer a well built guy. The reason I mention his belly, is I’m not sure if it gets in the way during sex or whether it is just the size of his penis. I think it’s maybe around 5.5-6 inches. Could be slightly smaller- obviously I haven’t got out the measuring tape!
I have never had an issue with any other sexual partners, but I think he may be the smallest- the girth is about average.
He is actually the first guy I have orgasmed with through PIV (and it feels amazing!!) However, I can’t really feel him if he is on top and he generally can’t build up good ‘thrusting’ as it sometimes falls out.
I have never had this problem with any other man. I love being on top, but I find it’s what we do every time and sometimes I just love a man being on top. Especially a man as well built as him, it really is something that turns me on.
However, I’m sat here typing this after we have just had sex and he was on top and then had my legs up etc and I just don’t really feel anything at all. In the end I end up jumping on top and we both finish. Doggy is a little better, but doesn’t feel as intimate for me as us being face-to-face.

I guess what I’m essentially asking is - does anyone have any experience of this and did it get better if they lost weight?
He had a messy break up last year and gained quite a lot of weight- he usually sits around a 34 inch waist. I don’t care about his weight in respect of what he looks like, but he is actively on his weight loss journey which is what he wants to do.
I’m wondering if this might change when he gets to where he wants to be. I love him a lot. But in all honesty, I’m really not as sexually fulfilled as I would like to be and I’m not sure I can spend the rest of my life like it. I have a high sex drive and it’s important to me. I’m wondering if we would
get closer body contact if his tummy wasn’t in the way as much and therefore I might feel it inside me deeper/more?
It doesn’t help that the sex with my ex was incredible in all positions and sadly I do compare in my head. I don’t want to do this, and try not too, but it does pop into my head.

Weight loss won't make his penis bigger or effect how deeply you'll feel him... but have you tried those condoms that can have all sorts of different silicone attachments ... you can get them in sex shops... I remember my ex getting one that had this large flower on the head lol was fun deffo added an inch or so ... my point is there's definitely ways around it to add some girth or length if you want ... you sound like a lovely couple and since you've said you have a high sex drive it might not surprise him if you sugest a cheeky afternoon stroll round your local sex shop, or have a scroll online and pick something together to try 😉

I agree.

Not gonna lie - tummies do get in the way and can certainly make a difference re: depth and angle.

A big belly will affect the depth if he’s on top.

I agree.

That's why I try to stay fit and prefer my husband to be slim enough and athletic.

Also, not flat enough stomach means men produce more estrogen hormone which reduces the higher sex drive hormone testosterone.

Weight loss won't make his penis bigger or effect how deeply you'll feel him..

Yes it does, due to the thicker later of flab around the base of the penis. Every two stone overweight costs about 1/2" length. Similar for women too - the more overweight, the thicker the layer of fat around the vulva, effectively recessing the vagina deeper into the body.

Really?? I honestly never thought it would make a difference, I'm very petite and dp is trim so I suppose I shouldn't have spoken without experience... I still think she should look into those silicon condoms though in the meantime as weight loss might take some time

Does he need to raise himself further up your body so his hips are higher (by which I mean shifting up along you towards the head board). You could also try a pillow under your bum or grinding rather than always thrusting. Sounds like a good excuse to try some new stuff out. Sex is always a learning process.

anyway, that’s not that big a tummy he’s hardly obese and if he’s 5.5-6 inches then that’s perfectly normal too.

The problem with him moving up my body is I am 5ft and he is over 6ft 4, so I think it’s harder for us to ‘sync’ if that makes sense. I like the pillow idea… I will try that.
He actually does have a really big tummy. I’m not even sure his waist size reflects that… but everywhere on his body is in proportion for his height… killer legs, arms and shoulders (swoon!)…. But he does have a very round tummy. It really doesn’t bother me to look at all… I really fancy him (I do worry about his health- adipose tissue around the abdomen is not good- but he is doing something about if for his health). But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t larger and I could almost feel it in the way, he actually can’t lay on top of me, is far too heavy, over 21stone, so I think he almost can’t get low enough on me to get in properly, if that makes sense. He tried to before and it felt like he was crushing me! I’ll defo try the pillow.
We’ve had great sex the past two nights… me on top again… but some great foreplay etc. I don’t think all is doomed, I just want to feel him on top of me! Im aware 5.5 inches is average. I’m just noting it’s on the smaller side than I’m used to and coupled you with his weight I wasn’t sure if these were both reasons why I might not be feeling it on top.
I know a sex life is very multifaceted and I’m willing to do all I can here to try and be fulfilled because I love him dearly!

I’m wondering if we would
get closer body contact if his tummy wasn’t in the way as much and therefore I might feel it inside me deeper/more?

yes you definitely will. I've seen lots of willies IRL and pics and fat men have a dick shelf. Kind of a pad of fat that the penis protrudes from which obviously makes it shorter in terms of what they can use. The belly will also get in the way. Same applies to women; a big belly can make it harder to apply a to b. Has he tried a cock ring? That can make the penis feel bigger and harder.

Instead of him kind of leaning over you when he’s on too, have you tried it so that he’s straight?

im not talking Will in betweeners style, imagine your lying down but your bum is hanging of the edge of the bed and your legs and feet are on the floor so you’re tilted almost. He then kneels in between your legs but his back is straight rather than leaning forwards? Does that makes sense?

The angle makes it feel deeper and you still have the face to face?

Yes he does have like a little fat pouch! I don’t have a little belly… I’m not huge either… but I’ve had two children and it’s certainly not without its excess skin and fat. Im not surfboard, let’s put it that way. I’m also actively losing weight.
I feel so awful typing this, almost like I’m slating him and it’s just not my intention, I really just want some ideas. I just think if he knew I was writing this it would really Knox his self esteem. He knows his penis is on the smaller side, especially for the size of him if that makes sense, as he has made comments before about it. I know for an average man it’s not small, but he is honestly massive… even his hands are like shovels!
I just asked if he thinks we have a good sex life and he said ‘yeah I think we do, I really enjoy it’ - and I think he really does.

@YoSofi oh my gosh… you’ve just reminded me of a time when we did this… expect he pulled me to the edge of the bed and had my legs up, but he was angled straight… it was the only other time I’ve ever nearly cum PIV… except he did first 🤣
I think this might be good, so he is more angled straight up.
I’m really dreading having this conversation with him, but I feel like I need to express it

You could just word it as different positions work better for you, you don’t have to give him a reason?

Get him to kneel, with a cushion/pillow under you with your legs on his shoulders.
You're welcome 😊

Or bend you over the sofa/table?

This is an exciting conversation ‘do you remember when we did X I’d love to do that again’ ‘I was thinking can we try Y’

Having chub definitely does shorten penis length.
I feel a bit gross describing this, so please forgive me, but I’ve got a fairly decent sized penis and I still don’t feel like we’re getting our money’s worth in standard missionary position, I need to get my DW’s knees hooked up on the inside of my elbows to get the entire length in. Perhaps a bit like pps suggestion of (I think?) having your bum on the edge of the bed/sofa and him kneeling in front.
Neither of us are skinny minnies btw.

Weight loss won't make his penis bigger or effect how deeply you'll feel him

It would- it can improve the working and visible length of the penis as less fat hides it and gets in the way. manvfat.com/what-being-fat-does-to-your-penis/