Mum and Mil reaction to ds A level grades

[IncessantNameChanger]

My ds got his A level results and smashed it. A,A Distiction, B

My mum said "who does he get that from? It must be your sister?" Sister has a degree

Mil the same "He must get that from his uncle" who has a masters.

Spoiler alert - I also have a degree.

Why do parents do this? Oh just like my ( insert favorite child - Mil, anyone who's not me -mum)

Both parents conveniently ignoring the fact that neither aunt or uncle have played very active roles in the kids lives.

When our son was school refusing we actually got agro from family. I begged my sister to have him for one night once as I was at breaking point she said no as she work in the morning. We was desperate and ds was hysterical that night. Real nervous breakdown teritory but we had to scrape ourselves back togetherand crack on as there was no one to help. Ds screaming, his siblings crying as they was scared. I didn't talk to family, but samaritans when ds was suicidal. They don't even know about that. So am I overthrowing this but a few weeks have passed and neither congratulated us or asked if we was proud. It felt like it's implied he beat the odds dispite his parenting.

Ds is taking a year out now but sis said he should go to clearing and go to uni up north ( why? Implying he needs to get as far away from home as possible).

Not sure if I'm over thinking but my mum most definitely said it to hurt. Not once could she say the normal things a normal mum would

They are brilliant results, a massive Congratulations to your son. Rightly so, you should be so proud of him.

My Mum said the same hurtful things to me. I'm a middle child and I remember going to my sisters (No1 child) parents evening with my mother as a child and my mother saying to the teacher 'No1 child is bright and smart not like this one (pointing at me) she's dumb and thick she is'. I was only about 8 at the time and so hurt by her comments, but I still to this day remember sitting there in the classroom and trying hard not to burst out in tears.

I was the only child who went to University and got a masters degree plus an independent job outside of the family business. I guess her comments just made me a stronger person and more independent.

I choose to ignore her comments and put it down to her being jealous and uneducated, thinking she's more intelligent than she actually is. I think you should do the same.

fuck them !
I have a school refuser

your son is a super star to have done this
and you are great parents

Such a shame that they can’t celebrate and instead belittle

fuck them

^This is what I would say too.

No one inherits AA*B from their relatives. To get grades that good there’s an awful lot of hard work and commitment from your DS. And given he had a full mental health crisis as well, he’s done amazing and should be very proud of himself.

I had one of these. My daughter is showing many signs of being very bright.
MIL likes to go on about how she must get it from grandad, he has all the brains apparently.

He normally gets a pretty decent score on Pop Masters but is a retired builder who left school at 14 and reads Dan Brown for mental stimulation. He does not come across as particularly bright, though he does love to mansplain as though he were.

I however had a 1st and a PhD in Physics from a top university. But oh no, it's FIL who must have provided the brains. DH is doing well at work but more from being a nice, hardworking and above average white male rather than any particular academic brilliance.

This is why I don't tell mine. They are the DC grades and it's up to them if they want to tell them. I can't cope any more with the stupid comments.

I would have answered, ‘from me, I expect-I do have a degree remember!’

It is very well proven that kids take their intelligence from their Mum
Haha, not in my case. My kids are much brighter than me (and a world apart to their dad). They can only have inherited it from my mum, but then again, my kids are scientific minded whereas my mum isn't. Who knows, who cares.

Congratulations on your son's performance.

I never understand why people insist on being around family like this.

It really isn't normal behaviour.

Of course these people are rude and uncouth.

It is normal to congratulate parents who must be so thrilled and proud.

Well decent people do it.

As for giving accreditation to other family members, batshit.

Stop telling them ANYTHING.

Let them hear it second hand.

Congratulations to you.
You must be so proud and pleased for him.

Congratulations to your DS, what a great result after so much worry and upset.

Unfortunately some people are just mean and twisted, just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to have them in your life. They won’t change. I would distance myself and spend time with people who are kind and make you laugh.

Learn to be more direct:

“He got his intellect from me. I have a fantastic degree. I supported him through all the ups and downs and his hard work, and mine, has paid off.”

Do not take shit from people anymore.

billy is right.
Drop the rope, no point, they are not worth getting upset over
There is nothing positive to be gained from informing them of your personal family news.