Should I press charges?

[Lillylight]

Last night my husband got drunk and ended up being sick during the night. He had passed out leaving all the doors open downstairsand had spilt alcohol on the carpet. This isn’t an isolated incident but it is not every week.
Having had little sleep and waking up to the chaos in the house I was extremely pissed off with him. His point of view is that getting pissed isn’t a crime so what’s my problem. He was not remorseful for the sick all in the bathroom, the stained carpet etc and my lack of sleep. He’s in his 40s. The argument escalated and resulted in him pushing me backwards, I felt chancing my top on a broken door handle which ripped my clothing. He then repeatedly put his hands on me when I made it clear I did not want him to. I begged him to leave the house but he refused so I called the police. The officer confirmed his actions are assault and I could press charges. I don’t know what to do for the best. My husband does t think he has done anything wrong and is not apologetic in the slightest.

In general, as a woman I think you should "press charges" in order for his behaviour to be recorded in case of any future partner.

Men get away with stuff like this and women have no warnings about it because their behaviour is not reported/recorded.

The argument escalated and resulted in him pushing me backwards

Also people, particularly men, misjudge their own strength - especially when drunk - and you could get injure worse if you stay and he does this again. You could hit your head, be knof back off somethimg and get really hurt or worse.

He's not worth it.

I was just about to say this.

What outcome do you want? It’s hard to gauge what actually happened and if it was the first time but it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

If a stranger came up to you on the street, pushed you down and tore your clothing then repeatedly puts his hands on you of course you would call the Police and hope they would press charges because you have been assaulted.

Don't let someone who is supposed to love you get away with assaulting you because he WILL do it again, they always do.

Your husband's actions qualify as assault.

You have a choice as to whether you make a witness statement.

if you do make a statement, your husband will be interviewed under caution, at a police station, probably under arrest, to get his account.

The police will refer the case to the Crown Prosecution Service, who will decide whether to charge him.

Your husband might plead guilty and be sentenced without a trial. If he pleads not guilty, there will be a trial in a Magistrates' Court and you will be called to give evidence. It is possible that you will be compelled to give evidence, even if by the time the trial takes place you do not feel that you want to.

A trial would not take place for some time, possibly many months. In the meantime you can start divorce proceedings if that is what you want. You do not have to wait until the criminal proceedings are concluded.

If you do not think you are safe with your husband, you can apply to the Family Court for a non-molestation order. The order could include a prohibition on his contacting you or coming to the house.

Only you can make a decision about whether the marriage is salvageable, but your husband's complete denial that he has done anything wrong is a bad sign.

You onow you qre describing a psychopath right?

I think leaving him as fast and safely as possible would be my first move.

But yes, I would hope I would also find the strength to press charges. So that his next victim can run a claires law on him amd see what an abusive piece of shit he is.

*you know you are

“"No children and our marriage is extreme high and lows. If everything is going well he is completely fine but when he doesn’t get his own way it’s a different story. Main issue is the lack of empathy or remorse"

Do not stay within such a marriage. What you're describing here is an abusive marriage.”

This. You would almost certainly be better off out of this marriage. Your H sounds dangerous and this is not normal behaviour. You don’t want children with a man who behaves like this.

The police question was kind of a short-hand. They can decide to charge him even if you don’t want them to do so but they’re unlikely to do so if you don’t want him charged. So that’s why they were asking what you want to do with regard to charges.

Please read @MiauzenKatzenjammer advice carefully. It contains all you need to know.
Think carefully if you want to stay married to this man and risk the same — or worse— again as this won’t be a one off, I’m sure.

Thanks everyone for all your helpful posts. I do feel very alone with this. I don’t know how to face going to work tomorrow after the chaos of having police around the house etc. Why did none want me!

He has no respect for you this behaviour was to belittle and patronise you. Leave him, you don't deserve this.

Yes is the answer

No, don't press charges, nothing but stress would probably come out of it anyway. But do consider leaving him if he doesn't see his behaviour as inappropriate nor willing to change

Asking advice plenty on here state yes press charges, and leave him. In reality it is difficult and I am with the OP on this. If you feel low yourself it is hard to know your real worth, everyone else can see it, but maybe you don’t. Yes the police can arrest the man, give him a slap wrist and back into the home he goes. Love can over come what is right and wrong, and then thinking oh it’s only one incident, but obviously not.

so… my advice try if you can to do any of the following….

1. Don’t bother with the Police waste of space, hit him where it hurts.. so
2. Move out when he least expects it, somewhere where he doesn’t know, ie, friends, family, welfare places for abused ladies
3. Also if you have no savings, start putting a bit away to at least get you into a rented place, or premier Inn move in there, they give good rates for customers, I know a couple that’s lived in one near me for donkeys years, about £25 a night or was.
4. Have a suitcase packed in an emergency to leave, it’s hard, but think of your health, this is not your fault
5. Have contingency’s in place
6. Another way is if you own your home, kick him out, he’s done wrong, change locks and get CCTV…
7. If none of this information helps, if you have been together a long time, perhaps see why you man is like this, ie, upbringing, abuse himself etc, perhaps both see a councillor

whatever you do decide, you are worth much more, abuse can come in any form and it will hit you with a ton of bricks, don’t make excuses for him. You only have one life so be the happiest you can be.

Good luck x

So upside of pressing charges - he did break the law, but won't acknowledge it to anyone, so needs to be forced to see this, otherwise could happily do it again to you or future others.
Downside, criminal record, could equal no job, no income could potentially mean less apportioned to yourself in divorce. Less of a worry as no kids involved, so on balance I'd say press. Easier to remove him, get restraining orders etc I would of thought with a charge against him - I'm no expert.

Press charges and leave him.

You are living with an abusive drunk who has now assaulted you and still does not think that he is doing anything wrong.

Next time (and there will be a next time if you let him get away with it..) he might go even further. Don't give him the chance to hurt you again.

I know divorce is the right thing to do in this case but what I cannot get my head around is why am I being so pathetic! I just can’t seem to get my head down and get on with it. I think part of the issue is outside of these kind of incidents he is really loving and caring but that feels fake now.

Divorce if nothing else once violent they’ll do it again.

You are not the one pathetic, he is.. it takes guts and a lot of determination to leave someone. If he acknowledges his wrong doing then that’s a start, but he doesn’t. Talk to him and state you will not take this anymore and you want a divorce… he won’t expect it, and hopefully realises you are serious, put your best face on. Your heart will ache, you love him, but remember he doesn’t love you, or else no way would he treat you like he does. Good luck x if he has abuse issues from child hood, he needs help and lots of support.

This

Show him the door op. Know your worth.

YOU are not pathetic.

HE is.

Drunken scum is what he is.

Press charges.

Divorce him.

He will only get worse.

Reach out to Women's aid for advice and support.

No I wouldn’t press charges - it’s a hellish experience.
The important thing is to leave. Cut contact and leave.

This sounds just like my ex
hed control me and hit me-then deny he’d done anything wrong
the highs where high and the lows where the worst lows
we went round and round for 3 years until I found the strength to leave him
(i did press charges in the end-he got a fine of £80 and rang me to tell me I was paying it for him-i didn’t even know he’d been to court at that point-nobody thought to tell me)
I found an inner strength and after a long,rocky and sometimes lonely road,I’m with a man who loves and adores me and I love and adore him-but I can put hand on heart and say if it ended tomorrow,I’d be just as happy single
Dig deep and get out-phone womens aid,press charges and do the freedom programme
you deserve so much better than ‘there,there’ and pats on the head-I don’t do that to a dog,let alone a human
i promise that one day you’ll look back and pity the bastard-while your living your best life

Most definitely press charges he assaulted you and isn't even sorry for what he did. I would also be divorcing him.