How to stay optimistic when single?

[isometro]

I went through a breakup earlier this year that has just left me not feeling like myself.

I know deep down that there has to be someone out there for me. I have no hard feelings for my ex, I think he's a great guy, but rationally I know it's very very unlikely that he is the "one" for me and nobody else will ever come close. My ex is now dating someone new and while that really hurts me, it also makes me kind of optimistic - if he can find someone and be happy, surely I can do the same?

It's just difficult on a day to day basis when I feel lonely. It's small things like meeting friends for dinner and then feeling like crap afterwards as I know they're heading back to loving partners and I'm going back to an empty house. It's hard to go to events like weddings when everyone else is there with a partner and I'm the only single one.

I hate that I've become like this, I've never been the person to get so hung up on a man. I'm trying to regain my sense of independence and fulfilment outside of relationships, but I know that I ultimately want to find someone to be happy with and I don't want to try to force that feeling out.

Any advice for staying hopeful when you're single?

Thank you in advance x

Firstly, don't idealise being part of a couple. It isn't better or worse to be together with someone or to be alone. There are pros and cons to each.

Secondly, take responsibility for your own happiness. Get out and about doing things that make you happy whether that is joining a running club or singing in a choir or having a dog or paddle boarding or cooking or sky diving or knitting or whatever. Actively seek out a group who like doing the same thing.

Actively build and cultivate other kinds of friendships and relationships. Being single doesn't have to mean being alone, even if you live alone.

Be open to the possibility of a partner but also know that it is perfectly acceptable and ok to be single and that it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

Make your own life content and fun, fill it with what you want to do, where you want to go and what you want to achieve.

Don't place being in a relationship the one thing that will make you happy, you need to be responsible for your own happiness.

Staying hopeful shouldn’t be focused on finding a relationship, be hopeful for your happiness in general, and if a relationship happens it does, but it shouldn’t be your goal in life.

It must have not worked out with your ex for a reason. Happy people, attract people generally. Find out what motivates you. Carry out regular exercise, eat fairly healthily. Book things to look forward to. Listen to positive podcasts. Be grateful for your things you have already, sometimes feel find lists to be helpful. We are all a work in progress x

*people

I wasted from 25 to 32 being single and depressed aside idealised being in a couple but x 100 ie convinced myself life wasn't worth living otherwise.

I did eventually find someone and we are married with kids but it did not live up to my idealised fantasy ( it was the fantasy that was wrong, rather than him).

Really easy to fixate on one thing and say 'ill be happy when....' but I've come to realise that's nor how it works.

I wasted my 20s being unhappy because I was single please don't be like I was

Thank you all, I really appreciate the responses.

I definitely agree that finding contentment in life on my own is crucial. I don't want to place all my happiness and self-worth on being in a relationship, but I also want to be honest with myself in that I would like to experience a happy relationship and to have that add to my life. Maybe it won't be as amazing as I have imagined in my head and I don't expect it to fix everything else, but I would like to love and be loved again.

I guess I just need to find a balance between being happy and independent, but also open and optimistic for future me to find love.

This is an excellent response x

Thank you@Maybeone24
It is born out of decades of singleness!

Google 'single celebrities'. You'll feel a lot better in the company of Emma Watson, Drew Barrymore and Halle Berry.