Inheritance

[Pascalle]

My mother passed away last year and I have just inherited a five figure sum.
I have been married for 49 years and over 30 years ago, my husband suggested I open a bank account in my name, which I did. Pension money and gifts goes into that account. Upon receiving my inheritance which went into our joint account I said “I would like that money to go into my personal account”, as I had envisaged sharing some of the money with my two adults children, and also next year is our 50th anniversary, which I had intended to use some of the money for both of us to go somewhere special. Now my husband is really upset, he has transferred the money into my personal account ( I did not asked him to do that). He keeps making comments about when we go out “ am I going to pay half” etc. he will not talk to me properly. I have apologised for not thinking it through. I do not know how to get passed this, it’s like a barrier between us.
any ideas, suggestions would be a great help.

Imagine a poster came on here saying her DH of almost 50 years said his inheritance was his alone to invest and she had no access to that money as he’d moved it out of a joint account into his personal one with no discussion of what that money might’ve spent on…

My inheritance is mine to do with as I please.

That makes no sense to me, the fact you don’t even know how much shows a lack of financial cooperation between you. This should be something you both discuss and agree not it’s my money so stay out of it.

I inherited about £30k from my Mum. I put it into my personal account. Gave £1k to each of my 3 children, took DH out for posh meal and invested the rest into deposit for btl house. Almost 9 years later house now has less than 57k left on mortgage, has given me small income of about £150 per month, and house now holds approximately £123k equity. In time my Dh will inherit from his Mum and he can do whatever he likes with it. We both pay equal amounts into joint account each month to pay for bills. We earn roughly similar amounts too. You should do what you want with YOUR inheritance.

Out of interest, for the married posters that don’t share, did you omit the part of the vows that says “everything I have I share with you”?

Did you ever work? If he has supported you over the years, even if he hasn’t, I can understand him being upset that you seem to have taken the money without apparently wanting to share.

You can’t undo what’s been done.

Sit down with your DH and explain whilst your Mum died last year you are still grieving for her. The money is her legacy to you and you would give it back just to have more time with your Mum.

Explain you intended to put it in your account but it ended up in the joint acct which is why you asked him to transfer it. You want time to think through what to do with your inheritance and didn’t want it in the current acct where it could be spent without any thought.

Then tell him you initial thoughts and ask him what he thinks you both should do with the inheritance.

Good luck

I don't think OP said it had to be him that transferred it out.

Sounds like she said she'd prefer it in her own account but hadn't actually taken steps to do so. He was (IMO quite rightly) pissed off and transferred the money in a "well if that's how you feel just take it" way.....
OP actually said she hadn't wanted to do it herself so I think she expressed the idea but hadn't gone ahead as she was having doubts so he did it himself

There seems to be a lot of people jumping to the conclusion of financial abuse

After the number of years they've been together and sharing finances I'd be upset too

I don’t think I made that vow 🤷‍♀️

You said you were planning on giving some of the money to "my" adult children? Surely you mean "our" children?

It wasn’t an uncommon thing though.

In the 50s and 60s, yes. And maybe in the 70s, although rarer. In the 80s? No, it was not the norm not to have your own bank account.

And I haven't assumed financial abuse. I have assumed that the OP has likely never worked and earned her own money, instead being supported by her DH.

Another inheritance thread

the correct answer on mumsnet is that the man should share it but the woman should keep it to herself.

on that basis, I’d advise that it’s your money and you can do what you want with it

There was pretty much this exact one recently and she was told that he was selfish to spend it in himself, it should be shared and she should leave him.

Just mentioned this thread to DH, and said I have a good idea, why don't we stick £1,000 on a Revolut card for you that way it is not part of the joint account, we have a joint account and I have a seperate account that just ticks over, but my mother told us when we were first married to always make sure you have more than one line of credit, even if you never use it.

He replied the only time he really thinks a solo account would be useful is if he wanted to slope off for a crafty Maccie D's, and even then he is not that bothered, so we won't bother.

This one

www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_money_matters/4629708-inheritance-and-possible-divorce?page=1

Oops sorry this one

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4617370-husbands-inheritance?page=14&reply=119752709

the 2 make an interesting contrast though

Op you only talk of pension and gifts going into you own account not earnings, is this because your husband has been the sole earner keeping the house and you these years? But now the inheritance is yours to keep and spend? That would take the piss.

Bit mean. I assume he's shared his money with you if he was working. Why on earth wouldn't you share your money with him? If I ever got an inheritance, I would spend it on the mortgage and home improvements, making both of our lives easier. It would never occur to me to hide it away. That's what marriage is. I think you're out of order.

It depends how your finances have been over the years
has he paid for the majority of things and feels his money is ours but your money is yours

Are we talking 10,000 or 99,000?
surely after all this time, money is shared, assuming it is a happy marriage?
Do you/ did you work?

It’s irrelevant of whether you said it, once you’re married everything becomes a joint asset, cash in the bank included.

Not in my world.

If you’re married and you do something together, yes of course, you should ‘pay half’ or whatever is reasonable given both your incomes. I certainly wouldn’t expect Dh to pay for me. I have my own money and can contribute to our joint spending.

As for the inheritance, in a happy egalitarian marriage, yes, I think it should be shared. I got a large inheritance (in the 6 figures). It all went into a house deposit (along with dh’s own sizeable savings). We’re a team and I wanted to use that to create a secure future for us. But we are happily married. Both work. I have my own money and independence. If I was unhappy or thinking of leaving, I’m sure I’d feel different.