I need to leave him but I’m fucked

[brokenandlost]

I am done. H has cheated me in the past, and whilst I wasn’t naive enough to think he would never do it again, financially I am far better off with my kids to stay.
surprise surprise he has, I don’t find myself upset, I feel utterly disgusted with what I’ve seen. 🤮

Financially I will be broke to find another place to stay. I can’t do that on my wage and being a single parent I have two jobs, one of which I will no longer be able to do due to childcare. Currently we pay no rent as the house was purchased for us. I don’t even know how I’d get by.

I’ve tolerated years of this bullshit knowing that on the plus side my children and I get everything we need and want, and we don’t struggle.

the con is just the shitty fake relationship I am in.
he will do literally anything and everything for me, to others he seems kind and friends say I’m so lucky. But every now and again it’s like he can compartmentalise and do this to me.

I have nowhere to go, no family, but I know I should stay where I am house wise. He is minimising what went on with the evidence I found but I know in my heart this is the icing on the cake and there’s way more I don’t know.

I am utterly broken. I am barely meeting my kids needs today, I feel like a shit mother but I’m paralysed with the stress and trying to hold back my panic attacks. I am struggling to function and desperate trying to get myself on my feet.

I just need to talk to someone so I can see some light ahead. I’ve honestly checked out emotionally a long time ago and been happy enough to live my life comfortably with my children. But I honestly can’t cope knowing what I know now. I’m by myself and I don’t know how to juggle kids, job and getting out of here, in this climate

Honestly it’s lovely to be able to buy want I want, make sure my kids have everything they need, and not have the financial issues a lot of people face right now. I’ve always said to myself “well , he’s fucked me over but the bright side is good”

But I feel like I’m selling myself out now. After what I’ve seen, I really just feel like a regular piece of meat at home. I’m sorting a STI check tomorrrow.

I have felt sad of late that I haven’t been able to love my partner, tell them that I love them or be proud of them. I don’t even remember what that feels like anymore. It must be mad living like that, so engrossed and living in each others company? Of course this was going to affect our relationship, but nothing makes his actions right.

First things first, spend the next few months preparing to leave and don't make rash decisions. Get independent legal and financial advice and screen shot/copy all financial docs, payslips, assets etc. Everything must be stored securely so maybe give to a trusted family member.

Use money from the joint account to pay for the next size up kids clothes & shoes. If you're responsible for food shopping, withdraw cash and save the change in a separate account. Sell anything you can and save the cash for when you move out.

As you're married you should be entitled to 50% of most assets including the house. However, you'll need to speak to a solicitor about it. Make sure you make copies of his payslips, bank accounts, pensions and any assets. If you can, spend this year upskilling yourself while he either pays and or looks after the kids while you do it.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/getting-a-divorce-or-dissolution/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/sorting-out-money/dividing-up-money-and-belongings-when-you-separate/

Start buying things that you might need for when you eventually leave. This next few months start preparing the groundwork to leave the marriage.

Ive read on here to start buying yourself heavy gold necklaces, and put them away.
All finances will be gone through for the last 12 months.

Broken and lost , you hit everything on the head that I've been threw opposite role , happy to lend an ear and some advice if your still in the shitty side of things
email removed by MNHQ as PM facility will suffice if necessary