If you have been the OW/OM

[SavingsThreads]

Do you owe it to future partners to tell them?

Good question! I’ve never been either of the above, so I can’t speak from direct experience, but I’d probably want to know if a prospective partner had been OW/OM, as it’s generally considered a dick move.

This is absurd. Everyone deserves a fresh start - I know people who “cheated” on their partners in their twenties and then became loyal spouses to their new partners as they matured.

it’s not an “audit” when it comes to relationships. Beware of looking for the unblemished specimen. Sure you might get someone who is morally beyond reproach, but there’s always a first time and you could be it

NC for obvious reasons.

I was OW many years ago and yes, I did tell my next partner and his immediate response was 'you did nothing wrong, you weren't the one who cheated'.

Obviously I would never put myself in that position again and I agree with @SavoirFlair, we're all products of our past and at the risk of sounding trite, life is a journey and we live and learn. Our experiences are what make us the people that we take into our next relationships.

I've never been the OW but I would appreciate it if a future partner told me if he had been the OM in the past, as I feel like that's quite a big part of someone's past, especially if it was a full blown affair. I don't think I would judge though if it was all over and done with.

Part of being in a relationship is being honest and transparent with each other. It also negates the risk of anything coming out in the future.

I was the OW and have been with OM for 14 years.

So no need to tell him

Why specifically only that? If it’s about sharing so the person you are with know what kind of person they are with - and vice versa - I think you need to share/disclose all of your transgressions in life, since you both turned 18. I presume….
Ever lied about anything to close ones? Been rude? Put yourself first? Stole? Not helped when you could? Broken property? Fallen out of love suddenly? Felt irrationally jealous? Hated people and wished them dead? Hit anyone?

Etc.
All of that and more should defiantly be discussed before entering into a relationship….

After being chested on myself by a serial cheat I would want to know if the next person was the same as I wouldn't trust anyone who has done this before, one time or 100 times.
I was sure to let my ex husbands affair partners that they aren't "special" or "different" from the last, he's done this many times before.

No, and not interested if the other person has done it either.

Jesus! Big warning signs! But that's of a person that would want to know my sexual past before being in a relationship. If anyone asked me my sexual or relation ship history before dating etc they'd get told exactly where to get off.

The OW/OM is not the one that cheated. I’d be more far interested in knowing if any new partner had cheated on an ex to be honest. (Never been an OW by the way).

I haven't been the OW/OM but no I don't expect to be told.

As pp said, you don't owe a full audit to new partners. We read on here quite frequently that you don't owe your new partner your relationship history. So whether you've had an affair, had hundreds of partners, been faithful but serially dumped people for no good reason...whatever, you don't have to declare it all.

People can and do change. Many people are unfaithful as young adults, or unfaithful until they find someone they're serious about. You can't judge their current relationship on previous ones.

I was the OW once, never cheated on any of my boyfriends/now DH. I've never told DH because 1. I know it reflects badly on me and 2. My sexual past is none of his business. If he found out and wanted details, I'd tell him, but wouldn't feel I'd done anything wrong by not telling him before.