Would you let it go?

[Dtwart]

So, I was in a relationship with a man for just over 3 months so not long. But it got full on really quick and I said to slow it down and he said that he needed a break completely. Which I obviously agreed to. A week went by and we started talking again (after I initiated it) and everything's been fine. I asked him, stupidly, if he did anything with someone else in that week and he admitted he had sex with someone else a couple days after we split up. Would you just let it go? I know, technically, he didn't cheat or do anything wrong but I still feel like so whilst I was giving you the space you wanted you were having sex with someone else?

In 3 months you broke up and he slept with someone else? Come on I would be letting the “relationship” go! All too much in 12 weeks!

To quote friends: you were on a break.

That made me laugh. You're right but I'm still pissed about it hahaha.

Nope, I'd get shot of him. Don't think he's serious about you I'm afraid.

Yeah that's what I said. And he replied with the fact he could've easily lied and that it was his own insecurities of me saying he needed to chill out a little. Either way it still makes me feel meh.

Urgh that wouldn't feel nice to hear. I know it wasn't cheating etc. When you say it got full on do you mean in terms of strong feelings or just that you were spending every day together and had no space? A lot happens in 3 months at the start of a relationship and I would be pretty hurt to think that someone had been happy to move on so quickly.

If you both needed out for a week, and then he was happy to sleep with someone else after a couple of days I wouldn't expect this relationship to have particular potential long term. It all sounds a bit angsty rather than fun and exciting.

I wouldn't waste my time with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I think he should've been mourning the end of your 3 month relationship, HOWEVER, you got back in touch with him. And he seemed to be able to move on PDQ. I'd chalk it up to experience and move on.

Er he seems to have missed the point. Which is that he could easily not have slept with someone else if he wanted to continue with you.

Full on with strong feelings. And I just said it needed to back up a couple steps. Not stop or that I was unhappy just that it was a bit much so quick.

That's entirely it. That it was so quick. It wasn't like we'd stop talking for months. It was literally a week after he'd said he'd needed space. And I was super respectful of that. I said that I completely understood if he wanted more than I could give in that moment and of course I'd give him space. I messaged a week after just saying that I'd missed him and I hoped he was okay. And he replied super sweet and everything's been fine but it was only because I asked if something had happened in the week apart.

Thank you, that's beautifully put. Like I don't think he's done anything technically wrong but also you can't have cared that much if you were doing that 2 days later.

And yet he chose to tell you. I can’t help but feel that he wanted to let you know he has options.

Get rid of him. He just wants sex.

Give him the elbow. Just how exactly did he get to have sex with someone else so quick? Back on the apps or a fwb? He's a git.

Waaaay too much drama for what should be the honeymoon period of a relationship. I’d write this whole thing off.

I was with someone for nearly 4 years and after a nice holiday away she announced it wasn't 'working' for her. I sadly accepted what she said and the following weekend which we had booked to go away again she took off with a bloke from work. Yes I get the it's not cheating thing but it still leaves you feeling pretty shit about it. That was after a lot more investment, I think if he's shagging someone else almost the next day after a break, at 3 months in call it a day.

No way I'd ditch him.

This would kill it for me.

First, you asked to step back because it was going a bit fast & it sounds like he threw his dolly & declared it should be a total break. So that would be annoying that he can't just respect your boundaries.

Then, within days, despite it all moving fast and big feelings, he was shagging some else.
I mean, where did this person come from? I'd assume he kept her on the back burner. Yuck.

As PP said, nothing good starts with this much drama 3 months in. I'd call it a day.

Same. This is dead in the water.

Maybe he asked you a break because he wanted to sleep with someone else? Meaning that he may already have known that person, liked but didn't want to cheat exactly?

I agree too much drama so soon into the relationship.

Yuk

Put him in the bin

I think if I was having to post on a forum for advice after 3 months, I'd just end the relationship anyway, regardless. People who make you question and query and wonder aren't compatible with you. Why you're with someone you're compatible with, you don't have this sort of confusion/lack of clarity. Compatibility can be defined as 'This person makes complete sense to me'. A relationship means 'relating to each other'. If you're having to 'ask the audience' already, you're not feeling sure, so you won't be able to feel secure.

Thanks so much all! I fully agree with all the comments but weren't sure if I was overreacting. Apparently he met her at a house party type thing and it was a "drunken" one night stand like it would make me feel better. And I know it's not cheating but it felt like that? Like so quickly after whilst I was respecting what he'd asked for. Bla.

There's no way of measuring if you are 'over' or 'under' reacting, because there's no 'correct' level. The way you respond to things is what defines your character, personality, morals, ideals etc. The 'correct' response for you might be 'over' or 'under' for someone else, so you have to set your own rules for yourself. We can't tell you what's too much or too little, because it has to be based on the level of your feelings.

You're responsible, you're in charge. There's no external assessor, and no guidance.

Girl, you’re too quick with it. I would never let a man do that to me unless he got on 1 knee.