Is shouting abuse?

[applesandoranges6]

He shouts 90% of the time, in fact there is never a day without shouting.

I am scared to do simple things because he storms down the stairs and shouts. He has a particular issue with anything that causes mess and needs to be cleaned up. For example, he shouts and gets cross if I want to boil pasta because it means the saucepan will need washing. He doesn't let me do things like pasta sauce etc because he says I do it wrong, so he will insist he does it. The only things I'm allowed to make in the kitchen are simple meals that involve minimal washing up after. I am not allowed to bake cakes or do anything like that, he would have a meltdown.

I am also not allowed to clean - he would shout and say I'm doing it wrong. He gets cross and starts screaming at me if I get up before 8:30 on a weekday (we sleep separately) because he says I make noise around the house and he wants to sleep until 8:50.

Yes it is abuse.
Hes shouting to intimidate you.
He’s making the most ridiculous rules —- you can’t cook pasta, can’t get up before a time he says.
If your best friend was treated like this by a man what would you tell her to do?

he shouts and gets cross if I want to boil pasta because it means the saucepan will need washing

Oh Jesus - fuck this OP!! This is just beyond. You're not 'allowed' to make a cake either???

It is also YOUR kitchen but he's totally dominating it. His way is the only right way.

I don't think shouting is necessarily abuse. People do raise voices when they're emotional but there's nuance to this issue. Some people have learnt in their life that if they shout, they totally overwhelm and scare the other person, and they get their own way. It's their go-to method and he sounds like a real bully. It's not a normal or healthy relationship. I feel sorry for you.

This is so far from normal op.

You need to get away from him to experience normality again.
He is very abusive and will get worse.

Shouting is abuse and the level of control he is exerting over you is very worrying.

Absolutely ridiculous he feels he can act like this. Shamefully I have been in a similar
situation and joined in with the madness/ started shouting louder (you can’t teach an old dog new tricks) It is not worth it, and ends up with you posting on mumsnet for answers. You need to find your peace.

This sounds absolutely awful OP. Are you able to leave him? I hope you are taking precautions not to have kids with him. Have you someone to talk to in real life?

Fuck me this is absolutely abuse. Controlling behaviour, intimidation and coercive control. You're not allowed to cook or clean, you're not a 6 year old child making cakes and then flooding the place.

It’s controlling and abusive behaviour

LEAVE the sooner the better!

This absolutely is abusive and will likely escalate. How long have you been with him? Thank god there are no children involved

“I drive him to shout”

No you don’t. This is his problem. He has a temper and doesn’t sound very nice. Do you love him?

Who owns the property you live in. Definitely leave, don't you think it would be better without him.

What you have described is abuse. You deserve peace.

He's not letting you live in your own home - even if he was saying the 'rules' which prevent you having any form of freedom in your home, as opposed to shouting them, it would be controlling and abusive mentally

Of course it is and you know that which is why you wrote all those sentences about it seeking validation for your perfectly correct assessment. He's an idiotic thug who thinks he's in charge. Please make plans to leave him.