Agreed to sell the house

[EmmaMarie18]

After 13 days of the silent treatment, living separtely in the house I lost my s*%t

Told him he bas to go and he refused (joint mortgage so not a lot I can do there)

I've told him I've had the house valued and got two more booked next week he wants the house up for sale asap!

He's asked that if I'm intending on staying in the area as I mentioned starting the ball rolling with my childrens schools..he basically wants me to stay local to where we are now as it'll be convenient for him!!!! He's clearly staying in the area close to his eldest from a previous and wants me to do the same so he can be close to our little one 🤯🤯

My family and friends all live an hour away I havent got anyone to help with childcare/school/work and my mother doesnt drive! Am I being selfish re-locating??

One minute I'm bursting into tears with it all and the next I'm saying to myself its 100% the right thing to be doing 😔 xx

I would relocate tbh. It's what's best for you and your child if it means you can work and have appropriate support.

You are being selfish relocating. He can't as he has another child locally. You've been coping without family help thus far. Isn't it best in the longrun that your child has their father nearby?

@Blsp but he doesnt help with school runs/child care i do it all myself and struggle with it all on my own to be honest

I also have a daughter from a previous and she is really unhappy being here and away from what she calls home and her family/friends 😔

He hasnt always lived close to his eldest it was around a 30 minute drive away before and thats how it was for years

so you moved your elder DD to be with this man and upset her, disregarding her feelings, but now it suits you you want to move back, and by moving you all back you potentially upset your younger child. It never fails to amaze me what people justify in pursuit of a relationship at the expense of their children.

If he goes to court he could get a prohibited steps order stopping you from moving away. If my ex was going to take my DD out of the area I'd absolutely do that. Only you know whether he is likely to or not. But if he does prepared for a long slog. I'd also not willingly sell a house with you right now, I'd force you to get me out through court so our child would be at school, which would make it harder to move away with them.

I would move closer to family with support.

We moved here 4 years ago when our relationship was in a totally different place and things were great

This year its rapidly gone down hill, him going on benders not coming home, hiding money, not contributing to food, clothes, nursery fees believe me the list goes on and on

He and my daughter have always had a great relationship like i said til this year where we've put up a lot of shit from him

@ZeroFucksGivenToday he wouldnt go to court the mans tighter than a ducks arse and this someone who refused to pay £34 towards nursery fees unless i said please (i paid every penny all year and he still hasnt paid the £34)

The bloke is a narcissit!

Move closer to your friends and family. Even if he took it to court they wouldn't stop you moving there.

Do what’s best for you, my ex is so tight but still took his other ex to court for access to their child.

That is my plan..I need the support from family and friends like i said we've only lived here for 4 years and if we stay my daughter would never forgive me..she hates him and how he's been this past year 😔

I'm sure my little boy will adapt and take it all in his stride doubt he'll know whats going on cos he's only small

My ex drove 30 mins each way for 8 years to see his eldest before we moved here thats why he wants me to stay closer cos he'll be faced with a drive and openly said it would cost him a fortune in petrol 😳 my childrens well being and happiness comes before his wants surely!

if you move, you would be expected to do the travelling. That said, I understand why you'd want to move home

How old are the children? What child arrangement do you think he will want? Assuming it isn't shared care or close to then an hour is likely to be considered reasonable distance so I don't think a PSO would prevent the move due to distance. Other factors such as schools, friends, family, health would carry more weight.

What changed in the last year? Often once you are commited their behaviour will change

@MiltonRoad 100% he'd expect me to do that 🙈🙈

@Fireflygal we've got a 3 year old together..child arrangements I'm not difficult with, he's his father as much as I'm his mother and I want him in his life just want me and my kids to be happy 😔

Where do I start..threatening to leave me after my dad passed away..no birthday card or gifts this year because I didn't deserve it..going out for 3 days not coming home..went out on a works do didn't come home..wishing me dead his life apparently would be easier if I was..excessive drinking hiding empty cans and bottles in the coffee table..hiding money..hasn't done a family food shop...doesn't contribute to the kids birthdays/Christmas/nursery fees and it's progressively getting worse this year has been horrendous and I think I've reached breaking point 😔

Then based on that, start hiding money yourself, get all your important documents out of the house.
can you stay with family in the interim or do you need to sell the house to be able to move?

Do what suits you best. He sounds like the type of bloke who won’t be arsed after a while anyway. 60 mins isn’t that far.

I stayed local, so my children could have a good relationship with their dad. It would have been a 4-5hr journey though if I went back home and I didn’t want my kids doing that regularly but 1hr isn’t as bad

@ZeroFucksGivenToday that's exactly what I'm doing passports birth certificates all the important things are now at my mothers

I'm hoping the house won't be up for sale long they don't seem to hang around where we are 🤞🏻

I could go to my mothers but that would be an hour commute back and fore school for the kids and plus my Aunty (mams sister) passed away not even two weeks ago so she's in a bit of a state and her house is crammed with all my aunty's belongings as we had to empty her place within 2 weeks...it's been horrendous I don't want to put anymore pressure on her at the moment. She did say after the funeral she's going to start sorting my Aunty's belongings I can start moving my things to hers and storage then..that's the plan

Just gotta tolerate being in the same house as tha idiot in the time being 😳 xx

This and I don't think it's a choice you'd get to make if he did take you to court, which he might to spite you. Not paying for nursery fees is a way of controlling you, and you think he won't keep doing that?

If he does take you to court, they'll expect you to travel I believe because you moved away. Can you afford that?

Move to where your family & friends are, if he wants to see DS an hour isn't far. Yes 5 minutes would be more convenient for him but it's not all about him! You and both your kids will benefit from you being near family & friends.

@ILikeHotWaterBottles he won't pay to go to court he's wayyyyyyyyy too tight I've never known anything like it...won't pay for his other sons school shoes but bought himself a £6,000 watch 😳 he won't part with money for things like court I know tha much lol

I found a letter in my little girls room too and she's put in there now she feels about him and hopes that I'm going to do something..that's how he's affected the kids

Move to where you have support —- that will be worth far more in emotional and practical support. If he wants to see his child he travels. I doubt he will bother.

You also thought 4 years ago that he was a great guy and you were both in a great place. And for 3 more years after that, he was fine too. You said in the past year he's gotten awful so realistically how well do you actually know this guy? It wouldn't be the first time someone who is narcissistic does things to piss off another person deliberately.

Why did you decide to move with someone like him anyway? He showed you for years before you moved that he was greedy with money, why stay with a man like that?

@ILikeHotWaterBottles believe me there's plenty of times I get p*^%#d off with myself for being so easy going and a walk over if anything!

He always paints an awful picture of his ex, a lot of people do I know, but she is actually really nice and we get on which he hates but reading between the lines it's history repeating itself and he was a t7#t to her too stories I've heard from mutual friends..how can two people be wrong?!?

This is what I'm living with...all what's going on..I popped to the shops earlier and he text me to ask if I wanted food wtaf?!?! Jekyl and Hyde I swear

Move if your support structure is there and you're the primary carer.

He could try to take you to court to stop this, but it's unlikely he'll be successful if you're moving to get support and it's not detrimental to the dc (my friend did this and her dh tried to stop it via courts, she moved).

You also won't be expected to do all the travelling either, again if he take it to court a judge will likely state it'll be 50/50.