Phone

[christmascrackers22]

Hi so this happened last night and I have basically cried my self to sleep . I have woke up this morning actually thinking was it all me . I really need another peoples perspective on this please .

Last night i went to go on my partners phone to order a new tumble dryer and as soon as I grabbed it he pulled a face and practically pulled my arm off whilst getting his phone off me straight away.

I said why are you so possessive over your phone all of a sudden and he said he's not he just wants to settle down for the night .i still didn't buy it so said give me your phone and after him probably realising he didn't have a choice he handed it over and surprise surprise the pin that he's had for 11 years has changed 😂

I ask him why and his reply is well I don't know yours 😂! He set mine up years ago to the exact same one as him and I have not changed it . He also goes on my phone too so that's was a huge lie .

I stated all that and he flipped out . He threw the phone flying twice ! Was screaming his head off saying he's going to cancel our mortgage 😂. He's done with us . Now Iv not once raised my voice just said it's odd . There has been history of this happening before and he done it for a reason . He was hiding messages and acted the same way . Also he added two numbers to the pin and exactly the same as this time .

I went to bed and Iv stayed her since . He slept down stairs . I always say an over reaction to something is because they are trying to hide something . He also held his phone tight and was like you want too look at face book , Twitter , Instagram and kept pressing his phone .

Does this seem normal to you ? Also my phone was up stairs on charge that's why I grabbed his

He's clearly cheating and/or speaking to someone inappropriately. Don't let him gaslight you otherwise. There is no other reason someone would become so defensive and aggressive in this situation. Now he'll have had plenty of time to delete the offending messages/contacts/change their display name so don't believe the whole "I'm sorry about last night, here's my phone for you to look through" bollocks that'll inevitably come.

Surly you don’t need us to tell you what you already know.

clearly cheating.

He’s cheating, he screams at you and he threatens to cancel your mortgage. I wouldn’t want him in my life. Sorry this is happening to you, OP.

Before jumping the gun he could have been looking at all sorts of stuff on Google, maybe to do with health etc. however it does seem a bit suspicious and his reaction about the mortgage stuff was pretty dramatic. The sudden change of pin isn’t fantastic but then how do you know if one of his mates isn’t cheating and he’s talking to them about that?

the problem is is whithin a matter of moments he’s ruined a lot of the trust

I would maybe have a chat when he’s calmed down and try to get to the bottom of it

if you can’t then it’s time to think of the next steps for your sanity!

I’ve just seen part of your post which says it’s happened before and it was actual messages?

how did you rebuild the trust after that?

Thankyou all for your replies they mean a lot ❤️. I feel pretty shit today because of it all . Well it took years to rebuild the trust between us . I would say that I have never forgive him but have tried to forget . When it happened last time I went through a lot . I hated myself , wouldn't eat had panic attacks . It basically put me in a dark place . I am on anxiety tablets because of the whole situation. I went down stairs this morning and he was just laying on the sofa . Didn't say anything to me so I said have you calmed down now . Well that started him off again . Saying it's all me . I'm ruining things . I can't even look at him . His look reminds me of the way he looked before . Guilty but evil at the same time

Also it's definitely no friends cheating . He doesn't have any close friends 😢.

So it’s you who’s “ruining things” ??!!!! I can’t believe he’s said that. I’m on anxiety medication from being in a very similar situation 😞, and I understand exactly how it’s makes you feel.

what does your gut say?

I left my relationship as I thought I was going to end up sectioned, I went to such a dark place of constantly questioning everything he did and I became very hyper vigilant to all do his behaviour it was hell.

I think you really need to consider the situation, sometimes you think you love them but it’s anxiety at play which sometimes feels like you love them way more than you do

if you want to pm me please do ❤️

Didn't say anything to me so I said have you calmed down now . Well that started him off again.

Why are you putting up with this crap? Just spilt up and you'll probably find your anxiety gets much better as you won't be on eggshells the whole time.

Time to end it.

Well saying this is not a normal reaction is an understatement. He’s just being very angry so you back down. What happened before?

His behaviour is not ok and you definitely shouldn't put up with that @christmascrackers22 - sounds like you have been together a long time so it must be hard and can understand why you have your reservations about leaving him but if he's done this before and you recognise the behaviour, I would say it's time to call it a day.

I'm so sorry OP but this is almost identical to my STBXH's behaviour at the start of the year. Pin changed, anxious about me using it to make a call (he put the number in then followed me while I made the call), phone always face down, turning it away from he when he was on it in bed.

He was having an emotional affair for 6 by the time I found out....we'd been together 21 years.

It's tough but you already know what you need to know 💐.

*for 6 months

Could be cheating, could be apps he doesn't want you to see, could be porn if he doesn't know your views on it (or if he does and you are very against it). If he's defensive then it's clearly something he didn't want you seeing

“Guilty but evil at the same time”

You just stared into the soul of a narcissist.

Leave. Now.

Worry about the other stuff later.

How are you getting on OP? How has the day progressed??

Why do you need to use each other's phones to do stuff on though? I find that a bit weird. Why wouldn't you just use your own phone?

I wish I had left when I first can across the messages, I stayed for 2 years and was getting anonymous phone calls and letters to the house saying my husband was seeing someone else. I went to the darkest place I have ever been, I didn’t know what my reality anymore. My friends would see him put having a drink with the other woman and it he claimed they were seeing things

she turned up one time where I lived and we had a massive row. I’m so embarrassed we were arguing over such an arsehole: he loved it

but omg when I eventually got a boyfriend he went off it, started stalking and kept on messaging me constantly

the day I left ( me and the girls got evicted by his mother) was the best thing that ever happend

we went to court and he brought his mistress/. I went dolled up to the nines and thought fuck you. I think he expected me to still be the same woman crying on the floor crying. Boy did he get a shock. The person I am is a strong woman who takes no shit. He is still hanging on various ways but I don’t even feel angry anymore, I feel indifferent and finally found myself. I’m trying things now I never would have imagined and never ever will I get to that place where I thought about ending my life

So how much more of your life are you willing it waste on this man? He's clearly never going to change.

Pleas of you want to pm me do, I can understand how you are feeling at the moment but also understand the way up if you have children. I remember my 12 year old saying I would rather leave than have an unhappy Mum who is constantly crying. Sending strength and love whatever you decide ❤️❤️

I stated all that and he flipped out . He threw the phone flying twice ! Was screaming his head off saying he's going to cancel our mortgage 😂. He's done with us

Never mind him being done, you should be done. He's clearly cheating and messaging someone else.

He also held his phone tight and was like you want too look at face book , Twitter , Instagram and kept pressing his phone .

That would have been him deleting the messages whilst trying to have an argument with you at the same time.