To speak up about best friends affair?

[Unsurefriend1983]

My friend works in a school. (Not teaching staff) a year ago she developed a crush on a member of staff there who is in a relationship and has a little boy. They quickly started messaging. That worried me. I was concerned when she told me that she had met him for a few liaisons outside of school in the summer holidays. From what I can see these liaisons involved her giving him oral sex.
My massive concern is that when they started back to school (high school) they met in the gym changing rooms to do naughty things. I don't know what this involved but I know that they have never had full intercourse.
I think she got the idea I didn't want to hear anymore so therefore has kept quiet.
However she recently revealed that she met him in the summer holidays just gone. (So this has been going on now over a year)
I'm worried as her state of mind is not good. She lacks confidence to find a job she likes, feels used by this man but yet keeps going back for more. A few weeks ago she lost her cat. As she lives alone and not in a relationship her cat was her best friend. She is devastated and getting more depressed.
She seems obsessed with this man! To the point as well that she thinks a female member of staff is sneaking around him and keeps slagging her off saying she's after him too. It's getting really obsessive behaviour. I don't know what to do and feel like it's all going to come to a head.
My major worry is that they did things within school and I don't know if this has happened since.

I'm not sure who you would tell?

Tell her to stop behaving inappropriately in school and leave her to do what she likes otherwise?

Don’t get involved

Like another poster who do you intend to tell? The school? For me that would be absolutely not. I have 3 very close old school friends, known for 40yrs. I’d give them my advice but ultimately I wouldn’t get involved if they decided to have an affair, not unless any of their children were being put in any danger etc.

Do not get involved.

As her friend, give her the best advice that you can but in terms of 'telling' anyone I just wouldn't.

Nothing you can do. Woman’s a car crash.

I know many will disagree but if I knew who the guys partner was/Where they lived I'd send an anonymous note.

Why should the scumbag get away with it? He's using and taking advantage of your friend and abusing his position in a school (if he's a teacher - even worse) what if a pupil caught them?

It’s not your business. Also, she is an adult making decisions, as is he-you can’t tell on them like children.

Don't get involved you are supposed to be best friends.

Don't get involved. I have a friend like this and she seems determined to fuck things up for herself and others with affairs.

I simply say - I don't want to hear about it.

Conversation done, and that includes when it all comes crashing down again and she's upset. I refuse to console her in those situations either. I think being black and white about it means she dosnt come to me about them anymore as she knows my opinion on the matters and knows I won't get involved.

I think this does come from trauma and feeling that normal life and relationships are not exciting enough and needing love from men who have partners to feel they are better then other women. I will happily talk with her about this topic but not anything to do with the affairs.

I would suggest taking the same approach

Agree

Are you prepared to loose her? And for her to loose her job?

This will implode at some point. Just wait and do nothing.

My massive concern is that when they started back to school (high school) they met in the gym changing rooms to do naughty things.

Cool story, bro. Gym changing rooms in schools don't have any locks, are completely open plan and and anyone could wander in at any time. No one is this dumb. You might as well 'do naughty things' in the plasterboard aisle of B&Q frankly.

If they are getting up to stuff in a school it won't be long before they are found out.