Anyone else here lost their faith in love?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

And by love I mean romantic love.

I used to want such a simple life, I wanted to live in a house with a lively partner and couple of pets to keep us company.
Shouldn’t have been too much to ask, righ?
Well,apparently it was.

I’ll be 40 soon and bever been loved.
How to hell am I supposed to keep on believing love even exist*?

*I don’t mean a personal offence for those who have it.

Anyone here who’s veen through something like this?
How did you cope?

Yes and I have nobody really. It's very hard but I keep busy doing what I want when I want. It's not the answer but it's all I can do now. Only so many times you can be rejected.

I really hope you meet somebody lovely. Online can be very difficult and maybe there's some groups where you could meet somebody.

I'm the same - devastated I'm alone and without love in my life.
I will try and keep my heart and eyes open for it, but I feel it's becoming less and less likely.
I am also going to try and treat myself with the love and kindness I wish I had from another (and could give another) and create a lovely home so at least I'll get comfort from that.

Im the same too, but much older than you. Two times I thought I’d found the love of my life and they both cheated on me and broke my heart. Since then I’ve been dating for over a decade and haven’t met anyone. I’m in my 50s and I’ve just given up. It scares me that I will never love or have anyone love me ever again.

Yup . I've given up . I am lucky that I was married and have two amazing children but they're grown up now and dh and I separated 8 years ago.

I am 50 now . Not bad looking (if I say so myself) but since hrt I've gained a stone , and I just can't be arsed . I've been online dating in and off for 3 years- often had dates - rarely wanted a second . Had a super hot few months with a slightly younger guy and I did actually think "this is it "! But then he decided he wasn't in love after all and bolted. That was May . I had a date last week and while very pleasant I didn't want to rip his shirt off .....he has asked to meet again and I've put it off .

I've resigned myself to growing old disgracefully alone . Now I have come to that conclusion I'm doing what makes me happy .

I don't think I ever had faith in it. Love yourself - you'll always be there.

Love yourself, you can’t expect it from others.
And people in relationships can be lonely and unloved too

It’s funny how someone always has to make that point on these threads.

I think most people know living with a cruel or abusive or uncaring partner is worse but for most people that is not what they’re about.

There are loads of dating apps, people spend hundreds a year on them. Before that lonely hearts, singles bars/holidays, there are others I am sure. I suppose what I am saying is it isn’t odd or unusual or remarkable to want to meet somebody. Most people do.

I have no advice really. ‘Love’ isn’t all roses but most people know this.

I've not given up on love. I just think that the calibre of men on dating apps means that finding love has become more difficult.

I'm lovely, so there must still be a few lovely men about too!

I also had the dream, the ones you read about as children in those books, you know you’ll meet Prince Charming and live happily ever after…. currently 4 kids 3 men. A very abusive relationship that I left, met my now husband married after 11 weeks ( swept up in the dream ) and now more depressed than I’ve ever been. No one to blame but myself but he turned out not to be the man i created and I’ve no one to blame but myself but all I wanted was to feel what others do. Think I’ll be happier on my own.
never ever felt so lonely and sad than I do right now 😢

I am 60 and firmly believe that this lifestyle and love cannot be found with a man. I've had two husbands and one long term relationship and none of them were happy with a cottage in the country, some pets and a loving relationship.
They always wanted, affairs, excitement, travel endlessly, not interested in monogamy or the country life. It does make me wonder why they asked me to marry them as I always said this was what I wanted right from the off. I don't think they cared what I wanted, they just assumed I would change to what they wanted.
I now have the happy life I always craved.......on my own.
I have a lovely cottage in the country, cats, a job I love and wonderful friends.
i am living the good life, without a man.

Thank you for your comments!

And I do agree that learning to love oneself is probably going to be most beneficial in the long run.

Follow up questions:

Do you ever get used being alone?
Sometimes I worry about this, because I’m still not comfortable with it.

Do people ask about your dating life?
What do you say?

And does it ever get less painfull to see couples?

Definitely get used to being alone - am currently on holiday with my sister and craving some time alone! Seeing couples doesn't bother me.

People do currently ask about my dating, because I went on Tinder and have been open about it, and then did a speech about Project Management- online dating. (Risk management, timelines, tracking, communication, budgeting - it's all in there.) But they didn't for years before that. They don't get all the details, mind you!

I'm 55 and twice divorced from men who cheated. My last marriage ended in 2019. Whereas I would love a life companion I do not believe I will get that now. I won't bother with dating as I cannot face further disappointment. I don't look at other couples anymore.You can't tell if they are really happy. No one questions me anymore about my love life (or lack of it) as I've been quite honest about not caring. I don't actually think older men want a friendship- just a legover.and to be quite frank I've had enough disappointing sex over the years.

I've been alone now for 3 years.

I think you do get used to it . I actually like not having to answer to anyone else - if I want my dog in the bed - no one to complain. If I don't tidy up or want to spend the weekend in my pjs- no one to complain.

My ex hubby was a kind gentle man but even going to visit him now I want to be back in my own space after a few hours.

I'm on a couple of dating apps but I really just aren't feeling it anymore. Dates passed the time a bit . I've only met one person I really fancied in 3 years and it didn't last very long . (The relationship I mean )

Seeing couples does t bother me but sometimes I look around if I'm out with friends and wonder why I'm single . And when I see another engagement or marriage on fb I always wonder how they did it ....

My last proper relationship lasted 5 years and I loved him , fancied him , but we just clashed all the time . Just not compatible. It became miserable. I was on eggs shells all the time and he constantly had a face like a smacked arse . He said he felt trapped . So i untrapped him and let him go . He didn't fight for us and that was that .

I have a single friend and neighbour and we get along great so we sometimes get out glad rags on and go out but I've never got talking to any men .

There is a singles night at a local bar I'm thinking about going to but my friend can't come with me so but daunting to walk in alone even though I'm chatty and sociable.

I had a date a couple of weeks back who is keen for a second - I wondered if I was maybe being to picky after one date so I might see him again but I think if I get to 3 dates and I aren't feeling it I'll leave it there .

I also worry now about my figure. I'm a size 12 -14 but gained a stone recently - I put it down to hrt so my knockout date dresses now look shit on me !

I haven't been able to get my hair done for a while , I curl it to go out but I wonder what a bloke would think after seeing me made up and hair done compared to lounging around in pjs . ! I used to always make loads of effort on my appearance and now most days I can't be arsed to drag a brush through my hair . I've been working from home too so I've lost the incentive to get dressed. God I sound a catch 😂. I scrub up ok but when I was in the last couple of relationships I'd really make an effort with underwear and shaving legs and now - there's just no reason! I think I have resigned myself to single life . Im too picky and too lazy . I keep odd pets and weird hours . I think im a bit quirky for most people. I can still turn heads but that won't last for much longer im sure . I'd love to meet someone and just fall in love but I suspect if its not happened by now it probably won't .

I do feel a bit of wonder at how people can just meet , fall in love and have everything there . I've been watching stuff on the queen and Prince Philip and think how lucky to meet the love of your life so young and it last the course !

Yes. I don't think it's particularly unusual.

I'm 59, I've been lied to and cheated on. I've had a partner whose (hidden) motivation was financial. I've dodged controlling boyfriends, obsessive boyfriends, even had to call the police once. But no romantic love, just self-serving and manipulative morons. Thankfully I was never deluded enough to marry any of them. Decent men are vanishingly rare.

I think a lot of women settle because they fear being single or can't afford a home on their own. Being single, independent, not being bullied or used is infinitely better. Recently I've given advice to friends whose children have grown&flown and they finally feel that they can divorce and reclaim their lives. It's sad to hear the stories.

I have ds though. 😊I'm the best mum I can be and he is a joy. Now 14, we live mostly in harmony, he's good company, dry witted and funny. I'll miss him terribly when he heads off at 18. He makes all the frogs fade into irrelevance.

It does sometimes make me wonder if I did the right thing leaving dh- like I said - he is kind and gentle but sex together was awful - it felt like I was having sex with a brother or something- it felt wrong . We talked about reconciliation because we both still get on brilliantly - but he went to put his arm around me and the thought of being intimate with him did absolutely nothing for me . If it were just company and companionship I'd have gone back , but the sex was always awful and I couldn't do it again .

He's seeing someone else now . It's funny how everyone I had a relationship with has moved in and met someone else. I'm glad dh has because he deserves to, but the last two men I had a relationship with were knobs and I honestly wonder how they've managed it !

Have you ever been sexually happy with anyone?

Yes I was sexually very happy with the relationship I had for 5 years and also the brief one that ended in may .
I enjoy sex . Just did t with my dh .