What to do?

[beck1976]

My partner lives with me and my daughters. The problem is although I enjoy being with him, I feel I’m happier living on
my own with my girls, and I hate having to share my bed with him. He’s so disturbing at night too. He’s working away for the next few weeks and I’m really enjoying my time now and being able to go to bed and stretch myself out in the middle of it without him constantly fidgeting and being noisy next to me. I don’t have any spare bedrooms either. I’m sleeping much better and feeling more relaxed too. I’ve been so used to this life of not having a partner around me constantly as my girls dad used to work away a lot and we usually only saw him at the weekends, that I really can’t help being like this.
It’s my house too, so it’s completely up to me if I want him here with me or not.
I don’t know how to go about discussing it with him as he will most likely get in a mood about it, but at the end of the day I have to put my own happiness and health first.
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I totally get what you are saying.

how long has he been living with you? Are the DD his? Do you think the relationship would end with your request of him moving out?

Your proposed approach would also be my dream. Can you explain it to him without him feeling highly rejected? My husband and I do not share a bed,,,,he snores and likes light shining in the windows and leaves all curtains open. I do NOT want this. I want silence, black out curtains, and my big ear plugs going in signifies that I am in relax mode _ ALONE.With a book or iPad in peace…I do not want to talk further. DH Likes to chat at night time; I do NOT want to hear about his day then. Our routines are so separate, that we enjoy totally separate bedrooms and bathrooms. We usually have sex in the morning…sometimes he comes to me, and also vice versa. Works fine.

this can get expensive on holiday because we need an extra room for DH. I share with our small sons( who don’t annoy me nearly as much in bed).

All works fine so far. Maybe sex is a bit more fun and planned. But I miss out on the waking up to curled around spooning that starts so slow and can build to something extraordinary.

But overall sleeping apart has totally saved our relationship because his mammoth monster snoring makes we want to put a pillow over his head.

He’s been at my house for 4 years now. My daughters aren’t his, they are from my previous relationship, so it wouldn’t affect them.
I think it’s just got to the point where I feel I can’t take anymore and need my own space.
I’m really not sure how he would react but I hope he would just get his own place.

Tbf if my long term partner told me after 4yrs living together that they preferred it when i wasn't there I'd be devastated and it'd spell the end of the relationship.

Do you want to stay with him?

Do you want him out of your house or deep down do you want him out of your life?

It’s not that I want him out of my life, just not living with me. I’ve spent most of my years with it just being me and my girls and have got used to this way of life so I really can’t help it. My anxiety is through the roof most of the time he’s around.

I'm the same OP but we do have a kid together so it's more complicated.

Then you need to be honest and say you still want to be in a relationship with him but not living together. That's totally fine, but be prepared for the relationship to end if you want different things x

I don’t know how to go about discussing it with him as he will most likely get in a mood about it

Hmm. What's he usually like when you discuss issues together? Do you resolve conflict well together?

Definitely tell him to move out, but be realistic. The chances are good that he will end the relationship entirely.

Does he have anywhere to go ?

If your anxiety through the roof when he’s there, then it sounds like the relationship is wrong for you.

I can totally understand the desire to live alone with your girls. I think you have to talk to him about it and be prepared that he will end the relationship given it’s been 4 years.