WHY DO I FEEL ALONE

[youngfifemum]

HI WHY IS IT THAT ALL MY MATES JUST DONT SEEM BOTHRED WITH ME ANYMORE IM 19 AND MY MATES ONLY GET IN TOUCH WITH ME WHEN THEY WANT ME TO GO OUT CLUBBING WITH THEM CANT THEY UNDERSTAND I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES NOW I HAVE TO VISIT THEM ALL TIME THEY NEVER CAN BE BOTHRED VISITING ME I FEEL AS IF I HAVE NO FRIENDS

Poor you, youngfifemum. Have you told your friends how you are feeling and asked if they could visit you occasionally instead of you doing all the running? Also, do you have any friends with kids or places you can go to meet other mums? Sometimes there can be a big divide between friends with and without kids, can't there? I guess it's hard for non-kid people to imagine what it's like for us parents and equally it can be difficult for parents to remember the carefree pre-child days. I hope things will improve for you soon. How old is/are your child/children?

Sounds like its time to find some new friends (I don't mean lose your old ones but try to get them to understand that you would love to come out from time to time and to keep asking but you obviously can't go out all the time).

Try to get chatting to someone new at a baby group or maybe try a swimming club or gym club. You are bound to meet someone in a similar situation.

I'm 36 and some of my mates are still single or are married but have no children and there are always things we can arrange to do together which suits all of us but clubbing til dawn and getting blind drunk ain't one of them!! .

Don't be lonely though - invite them round every month for a catch-up, maybe a curry and bottle of wine.

best of luck.

MY DAUGHTER IS 10 MONTHS OLD. I GO TO A MOTHER AD BAY GROUP ON A TUESDAY BUT TE TWO MUMS THAT ALSO GO ARE OLDER THAT ME SO I GUESS I DONT FIT IN THERE

Could your mum or someone else babysit while you maybe arrange a girls night out? Do you have a partner? You sound like you need some support and a bit of help - maybe even one of your friends would babysit while you go out sometime. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Is there anyone who could baby sit for you for the odd night so that you can still go out? Doesn't have to be all the time but might be nice every once in a while.

Kbear - jinx

MY MUM LOVES TO BABYSIT WHEN SHE CAN BT I DONT LIKE HAVING HER LOOKING AFTER MY DAUGHTER ALL THE TIME WHILE I GO OUT AND I DONT WANT TO GO OUT ALL TIME CLUBBING MY FRIENDS SEEM TO THINK IM BORING THE SAY THEY DONT THINK THAT BUT I CAN TELL WAT THEY THINKING BY HOW THEY ACT. I AM MARRIED AND MY HUSBAND REALLY UNDERSTANDING BUT IF HE FEELS LIKE A NIGHT OUT THEN HE JUST HAS ONE

Great minds think alike but you gotta type fast in this game !!!!!!!!!!

Dont shout. Take your caps off!

Men have it easy (Daddypops, close your ears please). For example, I want to go the cinema tonight with my mum and SIL. In order to do so, I have to iron the school uniform now, get DD to read school book and do homework now, decide what's for dinner now, make detailed list for DH to follow in order to cook said dinner. (have to go to ballet this afternoon with DD so can't do it myself). I wonder if it is worth it. But it is, it will do me the world of good.

So take advantage of your nice DH and go out once in a while - you will feel better for it.

Have you thougth about being a mother-and-toddler-group tart - try them all until you find one you like!!

YFM, I sorry but I don't live near you - would love to meet if I did, I guess your friends are just uncertain as to what to talk about to you now - I am 31 and am struggling with some old friends to find something we still have in common. Life changes all the time, you will meet new friends I am sure - Mumsnet is a great place to start. xxx

ps: it might be an idea to take your caps off because it is more gentle on the eyes (particularly for this old biddy who don't want to start thinking about "easy to read" text just yet )

YFM, i have just turned 20 (30th-nov) and my little boy is 6months. I know how you feel... I had about 10 really good friends now beleive me I have 1. I still go out, trust me if someone says they would like to babysit - let them, no ones saying go out every weekend but even getting time to have a long hot bath makes you feel better! I stay at my mums on a Friday or go out (with my 1 mate :o ) and my fiancee has him, so I get a long - uninterupted sleep which means i am a generally happy mummy again. Isnt it funny how you find out who your true friends are? I say if they are bein so thoughtless dont worry about them. They need to understand you have - not just responsibilities but also priorities.

I know how you feel. Im 20, only see my friends if i make the effort to contact them. Have you spoken to you HV? Maybe she could find other groups for you like a young mums in your area? I havent read the other posts of what the mumsnetters have said so sorry if i repeat what they say, but have you thought of maybe inviting your friends to your house for a meal or something? Or do you have one or two friends who dont always want to go clubbing?xxx

Are there not any groups specifically for younger Mums? I'm not a 'young mum' (well, 1st baby at 28 but 3 babies on and 32 now!), but I've seen posters for young mums groups at our local hospital and in the clinic.

Could you ask your HV if she knows of any or if she could find out for you?

Are you a SAHM? If so, there are loads of things you could do to meet people - go to library story sessions, tumbletots, playgroups (there should be lots near you, try some attached to your local churches), swimming (mother and toddler groups) etc.

HTH

I was just going to add that I am older then you (32) and I get sooooo bored too that if you spoke to me at a baby group I would be really pleased. Yeah, maybe we wouldn't have loads in common but to sit down and chat at a group is just nice and I would like it, so do talk to the other mums even if they look older as they probably feel the same as you too.