Advice needed before things get out of hand......Long sorry and embarrasing

[lilymolly]

Hi

dp and I have reasonably good relationship.
have dd 2yr old, a lovely home good jobs family etc.

I live next door to what can only be described as a hunky man!
he is a major womanizer, and is not to be trusted with any women, but is a nice friend to us both, and adores our dd.

I have recently become rather attracted to him, and have made up excuses to go and see him.

I have also had some rude dreams about him, and confided in DP (we are really honest with each other)
He thought it was funny and normal for me to be attracted to someone else, which I sort of agree with as long as that is all it is, and it does not go any further.

Anyway, on Sunday night, me and dp went next door for a few drinks, and me and neighbour had a bit of a flirt. DP left to go and do some work, and i stayed to finish drink.
meanwhile, stupid idiot dp texted neighbour adn told him, to wind me up about wet dreams, which the nieghbour duly did, and I was mortified, but held it together and left rather quickly a few minutes later.

When I got home, I went mad at dp , but he told me that he had not told the neighbour they where about him.
Anyway in my pissed state, I texted neighbour and had a few flirty texts about who the dreams where about him, and would he be up for a foursome etc etc {blush}

IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN, IT WAS JUST STUPID TEXTING

anyway, dp was egging me on and saying he would be up for a foursome etc........ idiot

Then we fell asleep, and I awoke mortified.

I have told dp its mega dangerous behaviour, adn it must be stopped, and that he should not be encouraging it, as he should have more respect for me etc etc.

I am so gonna stop all the flirting and texting etc, but ultimatley I still fancy him.

Is this really abnormal to fancy someone else, and what can I do to stop fancying him?

Help

Sounds like your DP is punishing you forrevealing feelings about your neighbour...step away....do not go there.

Agree with Fred. This situation can only lead to trouble.

Finding somebody else attractive is normal. Just when you are in a relationship you don't act on it. Sending flirty texts and suggesting foursomes when you are drunk, aarrgghhh no.

I agree, I think your DP did it to embarass you and ultimately to knock any flirting on the head.

It's not abnormal to fancy anyone else, but I must say I would've thought twice about telling my DP about someone in such close proximity.

i think the embarassment you are feeling now will help put things in perspective. i hope your DP enjoyed his silly revenge, as i doubt your neighbour will be able to look either of you in the eye now!

It is fine to fancy people, but drunken texting of sexual suggestions, is a bit, well, teenage...

you know I never even thought about dp trying to get revenge. God I am such a stupid cow.

The thing is, it has finally hit home, that I will be with dp for ever and never have that flirty first stage of being with someone.

my toes are curling on your behalf!!! What are you goiong to say to your neighbour next time you see him? Either he is as embarrassed as you, or he might think you're really up for it!
BTW I don;'t even tell dh when I fancy someone on the telly - it would spoil it for me! and he would laugh.

He prob thinks I am really up for it

I sent a text the next day apologising for my behaviour and have not seen him since, but it does not bother me when I see him again, I will just act normally

I am such a dick

Just send the texts to your dp instead in future...

And where is the neighbour's DW in all of this? I assume he has a dw as you mention a foursome.

She will be totally pissed off with all this flirting, and your DP encouraging it.

Stop right now or you will end up in a position where it is tense and uncompforatble living next door to these neighbours, and your own marriage is damaged.

You are enjoying a bit of childish fun in yur head - if you let it leakinto RL you are being self-indulgent and irresponsible.

i'm amazed you told DP about your crush on neighbour. some things are best kept to yourself.

does not have dw, he has 2 x girlfriends who he swaps around every week!

God I am such an idiot, to even be thinking about going near this man

oh dear this does sound embarrassing AND dangerous, trouble is, he knows there is something there now and he might play on the fact that he knows you like him if he is the massive flirt that you say, would you be/could you be tempted? he is RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!!!

yes could be tempted, but will not do anything under any circumstances, as my family life is far too important.
plus we live in the middle of now where and he is our only neighbour, along with his grandfather who he lives with.

hmmm - for a serious considered response I think we need a photo...

Stop beating yourself up. It's not illegal to fancy someone or they'd have to open special prisons for all us Johnny Depp fans. I think telling DH was a good thing to do, not because he 'ought' to know but because it makes it almost impossible for you to flirt in secret any more, tells DH you are still a sexy and desirable minx and makes a joke of it all.

Just make sure you knock this '4some' thing on the head with DH - many men harbour the strangest fantasies and have somewhat less sense of proportion than we sensitive and delicate ladies

yes 4some is road to destruction. Just be careful because I think if you live in middle of nowhere and he is right next door it would be easy for somthing to 'just happen' if you and he wanted it to. I know what you mean about lioving your family too much, been in same position myself with someone I am mad about and missed out on in the past but I love and appreciate my dh and dd and life too much. although it seems to be a year for it 4 couples I am know have split in last 4 months!

Missingtheaction

You are spot on with your post.

The 4 some thing was dps fantasy, and I told him, that this is far from reality, and he agreed.

he probably has an std.

Ha prob has!!

Any more advice from the evening crowd?

I fancied my neighbour for a while but my best bit of advice is to let the feelings run their course. If you find yourself thinking about him etc well so what. You will probably find that as time goes on you will think less and less of him. Don't encourage him. I never let on to my neighbour as he is a really nice family man and would hate to think that he thought I was easy play. could you not kid on that it was your partner that sent the texts when you got back to the house!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just think I am the type of person that every couple of years I see someone that I fancy and then realise that I am married and can't do anything other than a bit of innocent flirting. It is the gym instructor at the mo, and it is strange how life works out because he is ten yours older than me at least but there is an attraction there on both sides, crazy.