Should I leave him?

[Ina30]

I’ve been with my partner for a year now, moved in 8 months a go. Recently found out I’m pregnant. The problem is I’ve caught him lying to me on various occasions, one being very early on in the relationship if he had slept with anyone from his work (before our relationship) , he looked me straight in the eyes an told me no. I later admitted to him I already knew the truth that he had done and therefore knew he was lying to me at the time. Since then there’s been smaller lies such as who has gifted him presents, how much he’s been drinking and watching porn etc. Then I recently (I know it’s not good, but I struggle to trust him) checked his phone and he’s been chatting to random women online, watching web cams and asking them for pics etc. The chats are flirty and sexual. Sometimes when I’m asleep and even when he’s working night shift. He says its boredom and that’s it, nothing else to it. Even after I explained to him the way it made me feel and asking him to respect me, I found he had still done it again. Does he even love me? I can’t see how when he is disregarding my feelings. I gave everything to this man, I really thought he was the one. I’m just baffled because I thought we had amazing sex life to. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I’m writing this thread I guess I just need help, someone to tell me I’m not crazy. Just any advice please.

Termination?

You caught him lying to you on various occasions from early on in the relationship, and you really thought he was the one.

Even if you believe in the concept of The One, this is a stretch.

He’s not going to change I’m afraid. If things are bad now, when you should be in the honeymoon phase, they will be horrific in a few years time. I wouldn’t stay with this man, whether you want to raise a child alone or have a termination is a decision only you can take.

He sounds absolutely awful. I'm afraid I wouldn't have a baby with someone like this. Imagine that guy in your life for the next 18 years? He would be a really shit father, too.

I think when they lie and then continue to do it even when it’s hurt you is a red flag. I hate when people lie, some people place no value on trust and honesty. It becomes difficult when you still love them but I recently saw a quote which said how they treat you is more important than how you feel about them and it resonated

i can understand when children lie as they are frightened of the outcome if they tell the truth. However most people learn into adulthood that honesty is the best policy. I’m not sure what to suggest, I can only say that I was in a similar situation and thought I was going to end up sectioned with the lying then finding out the truth….more lying..::more hurt

Hi op sorry that your going through this it's horrible I have been through similar with my ex lying ( sexting women) and porn it's horrible and it hurts like hell but I don't agree with something a poster said that he would be a shit father that's not true my ex is a fantastic father even thou we are not together I hope you can decide your future and be happy

He sounds awful. He also knows he can get away with pretty much anything because you keep forgiving him. He’s not the one. I doubt he’s anyone’s one, he shouldn’t even be dating never mind living with someone and making babies. He’s a sleazy sexually incontinent loser love. So yes, you should leave him/kick him out depending on the housing situation. What’s he said about the pregnancy?

He was the one who desperately wanted more kids to begin with. I said if it happens it happens and it’s obviously meant to be. I thought he would be over the moon and he says he is but he’s changed, the way he looks at me and talks to me.. we do have a lot of stress in our lives, money issues etc but I thought it would be different to this 😭

He's a disgusting sleazy rat what do you want anything to do with him for?

You’ve been together a year and have had problems since the start. He lies, you put up with it, you have money problems and a lot of stress and you both thought having a child was a good idea. Do you still? Can you imagine dealing with a newborn, being skint, up all night and knowing he won’t change the next nappy cos he’s wanking to porn or web cams?

And this is after only 10 months....imagine after 10 years or more scary!

You know what to do, he certainly isn't a keeper.

"I gave everything to this man"

What? Give over. No you didn't, it's been a few months, a year tops. Get rid of the sleazy liar.

You moved way too fast and it's a disaster. If I were you, I would have a termination and get as far away from this lying, cheating shit as humanly possible. I would not want to be tied to this man.

Don't burden a child with a father like him.

This

I don’t think the OP has asked for people’s opinions on whether she should have an abortion or not?

That is a decision for her and her alone, not a decision for random strangers on the internet.

She asked whether she should dump him. (OP- I would!)

No trust means no relationship. Amazing sex life doesn't mean its a good relationship either. Its time to leave. If you don't want this baby alone then seriously think about not having it. You will always be alone if you stay with him btw.

Well if you do send me his number as he sounds a delight. By delight I mean cunt

If it happens it happens, it's not meant to be, it's science.

But here you are, and I would 100% be going this alone rather than saddling you and your child with this waste of space for another day. Don't pick him. Do better.

Don't join the team of disappointed women he's already had children with. Your love is not special enough to change him, you're not the one to make him mend his ways. It's not going to get any better with him, much better without.

Yes leave it. I got myself involved in another man's messed up life in late 2020. We got into a relationship in July last year and 9 months later

I had no savings left.
I was buying all his food
Paying his phone bill
Paying for his gas and electric
Caught him texting his ex emotional stuff
He was eyeing up other women online
Lying to me
Phone use changing
Stories changing
Always staring at women in the street.
In dating apps
Verbally abused by him
Being thrown out if questioned him
He was angry and moody.

After we broke up he didn't pay me back ad spread lies. He's now back working full time.

My advice to you is don't settle.my therapist said. Could you change your personality. I said no??? She said exactly and neither can he. This is who he is.

If you stay with him you will be anxious. Paranoid. Worried. On edge.sad. slowly over time you will loose yourself. Please end it. He's a typical sneaky snake. There are alot of them in this world and they are even worse now they have the Internet and access to people. They are vile.

He moved in way too quick, you need to give it a good 2 or 3 years then if they turn out to be a twat they are easier to get rid of.

I moved in with him, but I agree with the comments on here it was to soon, it felt a good idea at the time 🤦🏻‍♀️