So I give him another chance?

[notamumyet2010]

Please can I get some advice. A few weeks ago I met a guy online-I really liked him straight away and we seemed to want the same things. We have had a handful of dates which have all gone well.
However there are some issues, enough to make me text him this week breaking things off. I honestly don’t know if I’m being too critical or if I’m having doubts like this now then I need to listen to them.
The issues are-
he has some health issues, quite serious and means he is unable to drive, honestly this is the biggest thing that puts me off him, I do drive but don’t enjoy it and don’t want to be the default driver for the rest of my life
he texts all the time, like 15 messages each and every day, and makes comments about me not texting him enough.
he is quite judgemental-I.E where people live etc
he is a massive swearer-tho in fairness he is trying to not swear in front of me
he is a typical bloke who has been living alone for a few years for example there is no food in his house and he needs to sort out his wardrobe!
With all that said-he is sweet, caring, happy to take things at my pace, I’m attracted to him and he obviously wants to settle down as do I.
When I messaged him to break it off, he responded nicely, saying he would like to fight for me, but since then nothing.
I’m now having doubts-was I too harsh, shall I contact him and try again.
Thanks for taking the time to read!

Listen to your gut.
That is quite a list.
Move on.

It sounds as though you aren’t compatible to be honest. Going into a relationship already identifying things you’d like to change about each other isn’t a great foundation.

If things like how he keeps his house and his lack of driving bother you already, you definitely shouldn’t be looking to ‘settle down’ with this guy!

No do not contact him again. You need a partner, not a project.

Sounds a right catch. Lol.

Thank you-I think you’re all right. Can I just add one more question. Is it normal to feel a bit worried afterwards that you have made a mistake? This morning I was thinking about all the good things and that made me feel sad. But if I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t have ended it surely!

I think it's normal, perhaps you feel a little guilt for ending it. You've done the right thing though, too much of a bad list of cons to make it work.

That's quite a list.
Are you maybe a bit miffed that he's not been in contact and want to contact him to poke a bigger response out of him?

I don’t think so, but maybe….I think I’m just worried that this may be my last chance but then obviously settling for someone isn’t the right thing to do is it.

It’s the “better the devil you know scenario” that makes you think you should have held onto him.

“he wasn’t THAT bad”
”he had some nice qualities”
”he’s trying to change things for me so he must care so I’d beat hold onto him in case nobody else cares about me ever”…..

nope.
there are plenty nice people out there. Ask the universe for what you want. Careful what you wish for though!!

I think it sounds like a compatibility thing to me....

Most of the things on your list wouldn't be deal breakers for me (with the exception of moaning you don't text enough and the judging people based on where they live).

However, if they bother you it's enough to end it.

For some people one of those things on your list might be enough to be a deal breaker. It's personal tastes

I honestly don’t know if I’m being too critical

Who decides for you how critical you should be? Who decides where your boundaries are, how far you can be pushed, how much you should like someone, or their behaviour?

That’s a excellent point. I have certainly been influenced by others. After date 2 he asked me to collect him from the airport, claiming he missed me and straight away my friends said he is a user. That is when a lot more of the doubt started tbh

Huge red flag after second date. Who would do this but a cheeky f-er?

Women are not rehabs for men.

Honestly, him whining about you not texting enough and his judgemental attitude would be enough to have me running. Eww.

Thank you everyone. You have made me feel much better. I haven’t given in and messaged him today which I really thought I would.
A lot of what you have all said rings so true-especially about the red flags-I was so caught up on other things such as him not moaning about his ex that I feel I was blind to some other things.
The main thing is that I just don’t think there should be this much doubt and worry this soon in a relationship. This should be the best bit, the fun bit and in fairness a lot of it was, but the issue list is just too long.
Hopefully I will find the right person….he must be out there right?