My friend is having an affair

[Albgo]

Apparently "her" married man is different. He's a lovely man trapped in a sexless marriage with a wife that is controlling. He plans to leave... eventually.
Please tell me your married man stories so I can show her he's just reading from the same worn affair script all these bastards seem to have?

A friend of mine. They have been having an affair for 12 years. They all know, including the wife, but they silently tolerate the mess. He has two separate lives. He shares separate homes with both the wife and the OW and has kids with the wife. So many wasted lives!

You could show her a copy of the script. But I wouldn't bother as of course she will say this is different.

Sorry to say it, but she's clearly a bit of an idiot.

One, for knowingly partaking in an affair. And two, for believing his predictable crap.

I'd struggle to be friends with her, because I need to respect my friends, and I'd have no respect for her.

Some people really are in sexless marriages - I was (I’m a woman!) for 10 years, probably had sex about 5 times. It was the elephant in the room the whole time and I wouldn’t have blamed him for cheating. He didn’t though, he did tell me after we split that he’d considered it.

Why would reading it on Mumsnet make her feel any differently?

The only thing that might make her feel differently is talking to the wife. But unless you actually tell the wife and set up your friend to be confronted by the wife, that’s not going to happen.

Though I do know of a few wives that turned up at the work place their husbands met the OW. 2 ended up getting the OW and their husbands the sack

A very small percentage of marriages ultimately survive infidelity. About 12% I think.
but an even smaller percentage result in the married person leaving for and staying with the affair partner.

Me too for 10 yrars, and I am a woman as well. Really didn't fancy him. Now very happy sexually in a new relationship

I was your friend. A long time ago...
Once he started talking about leaving his wife & us having a baby (he thought that’s what I wanted) I came to my senses very quickly!

Isn't it the man having the affair not your friend. I thought you had to be in a relationship and playing away to be the person having the affair.

I have a female friend who is having an affair. She is the one married. I do worry it might end badly but I don't judge her for the affair. I know enough about their relationship to understand the whys etc ...

To your friend I would say that it is highly unlikely the man will leave the wife but if that is enough for her so be it. It's her life, her mistakes etc....

I knew of someone else who won the lottery (fairly handsome amount). Him and his wife clearly delighted. Then a few months later the woman who he had been having a 20+ year affair with came knocking on the door. End of the marriage. I think if they hadn't won the lottery they would probably still be together. They were in their 70s

@Jewel1968 you're right. But she's married too.

This

he's just reading from the same worn affair script all these bastards seem to have

How is she any different to him then?

I had this with an old friend - she went a bit weird and in fact ghosted me as she (in her own words) was too wrapped up in the affair and I gave her a feeling of "contentment" that she didn't want at the time...it's been a year since I last heard from her and on the grapevine the married man still hasn't left his partner 🤦🏻‍♀️

@isthismylifenow I'm not sure she is - she's rewriting the history of her marriage to justify her behaviour to herself.
But I think part of what's fuelling her is the belief that this guy is different and special. 🤷‍♀️