Ex making me feel terrible for continuing pregnancy

[Abunds]

Accidental pregnancy two years in. But had talked about kids, both never married and he 40 me 36.

He said he wanted to go ahead. The relationship broke down 4 months later. I’m now nearly due and he’s basically not spoken or said anything about wanting contact. I feel shit about this as I presumed he would at least want to be involved in their life.

Not sure what I’m asking im just sad and confused about it.

That's awful @Abunds 💐 But he's obviously not a nice guy, or reliable.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, not very comforting but sounds like you and baby are best off without... you'll be fine op

You need to just plan and make a great life for you and your child. Fuck him. You'll be great.

these ‘Accidental’ pregnancies tend to lead to break ups unfortunately

Maybe he will want to be in his child’s life. You can’t know for sure wether he does or he doesn’t until your child is born. At the moment, it would be about having contact with you, not his child.

Seems unlikely, nearly half of all babies born are the result of accidental pregnancies.

He can’t make you feel anything, sadly he is allowed to not be involved in a accidental pregnancy, the only thing legally he is responsible for is maintenance, it sounds like you knew he wouldn’t be involved when you decided to keep the baby so you made the decision knowing he wouldn’t be around.

It’s so easy for men isn’t it. They can just walk away. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did.
have your baby. Seek maintenance.
You will have your beautiful baby. He will be the one missing out. Have courage.

I actually think it's not easy for men to know how to behave to a woman they're no longer with who's pregnant with their child. I'm the lung run he may want a relationship with the child but not with you, but right now that's not really possible. Best just to focus on you and the baby and leave the door open for him having some contact if he's up for that in the future.

Hang on, OP said they decided to proceed with the pregnancy, and then 4 months later they split up. You're not seriously suggesting that she should have terminated the pregnancy at that point, are you? When presumably she would would have been at least 5 months pregnant?
She made the decision to go ahead at an early stage, I don't think most women would be able to contemplate an abortion at 5 months, whatever the father did. At the time she made the decision, she thought the father would be around, and it is not fair to imply that the current situation is her choice.
OP, no need to feel shit, this is not your fault, and as some other posters have said, it's best to plan around him not being around.

That’s the thing about unplanned pregnancies though, you can’t guarantee someone will stick around no matter what they say and no I never said the op should have had an abortion, I said she made a choice to continue so has to own it, she chose to continue and be a mum and that’s the situation she is now in, it doesn’t sound like he’s saying anything to make the op feel bad as he isn’t around so it’s how the op feels about herself and unfortunately accidentally pregnancies do usually end up with the guy doing a runner so it’s not exactly surprising!

Did you post about this before OP?

It’s sounding very familiar.

That’s the thing about unplanned pregnancies though, you can’t guarantee someone will stick around no matter what they say

So you're saying every unplanned pregnancy should be terminated just in case dad decides to fuck off?

I'm glad my mum didn't do that with me! (And yes my parents did stay together)

I was in a similar situation - the pregnancy wasn't unplanned, we'd been trying for a year but we split up just before I found out I was pregnant, tried to make a go of things but then split up again when I was 5 months pregnant. He then shacked up with somebody else and he didn't want to be involved until I turned up at his door with his baby one day, and he's been involved ever since.

I would just concentrate on you and your baby, even doing it on my own, those early days were some of the best days of my life. Just me and my boy against the world.
If your ex wants to be in baby's life then great but if not, it's seriously his loss.

Also, I would say that I think a lot of men struggle to getting their head around the fact that a baby is coming, it's like they don't deal with it until it's actually happened. I've seen this be the case with my ex, my DH, my dad and my brother. So maybe things will change once baby is here, but just don't bank on it.

Of course you’re sad, it’s not at all what you imagined

Focus on yourself and baby. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Claim
cms as soon as baby arrives.

Do you have support from friends and family?? Make sure your health visitor and midwife know the situation. And remember this is his decision and his failing. You and your baby will be a great little team.

I agree, don’t put him on the birth certificate and carry on. Gather family and friends round to help you.

This can also happen in planned pregnancies my friend was having a planned pregnancy and then he ran off as he felt like he couldn't handle it.

I had an unplanned pregnancy we are still together.

Once again I’ve never said the op should terminate 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻🙄 please show me where I said that!? I said she chose to continue and unplanned pregnancy and it isn’t surprising he ran off, that doesn’t say she should terminate?! But basically she should have been prepared to go it alone as she was most likely going to end up doing it alone yes there will always be people that had an unplanned pregnancy and are still together but that’s the exception to the rule!