One month after breakup and it isn’t any better…

[Emilygee]

My partner left me exactly 1 month ago today, and it still hurts as much as the day he left.
I moved out of our home and I’m back with my parents. Everyday and night is a struggle, and I still can’t eat - I just try and force myself to snack as much as possible and I’m also drinking protein shakes so that I can get calories in. I struggle to focus at work and keep having to go to the toilet for a 1 minute cry to gather myself again. I miss him so much and love him so much, and the pain just isn’t going away. He left me because he doesn’t feel a spark anymore and thinks we ran our course, and it’s like he doesn’t care less anymore. We are now no contact.

I suppose my question is when and how does it get better? I’m 27 now, and I’ve had breakups in the past but by one month I was at least functioning even if I still missed them. But I’m not functioning at all still, daily tasks are a huge struggle. Like right now I’m trying to make myself get a shower and eat something but it’s hard. I hope I don’t sound too dramatic here, but it’s just how I’m feeling and I can’t imagine it ever getting any better. I feel like I’ll always miss him and love him. Encouraging words and stories please mumsnetters xxx

One month isn’t very long. You need to give it more time. Try not to think about months or years ahead, that can seem overwhelming. Just take it one day at a time for now.

You have had a huge shock and your whole life has been disrupted as you have had to move to your parents' as well. It is totally understandable. I won't lie - it can take a long time and time is the healer. How long had you been with him?

We were together 18 months, I know it’s not a huge amount of time but in that time we moved in together and I really thought I was with the man I would spend the rest of my life with, clearly the feeling wasn’t mutual :(

im so sorry you are going through this. The pain of a breakup can be unbearable. It comes in waves

how long were you with them for? I think you are feeling this one more than others as it maybe came out of the blue and they were the one who ended it?

I know it’s cliche but the pain does start to dim, it’s a grieving process. Little baby steps, I’ve been in 3 long term relationships since the age of 18, I was married to the last one

have you got support? Sometimes you feel like all you can think about is them. I watched some good videos on you tube by Noah elkrief which were helpful along with some books off Amazon

Sorry just seen 18 months above

Time really is a healer. You need to keep busy, meet with friends, even binge watching comedies/shows, book a holiday (so you have something to look forward to), join a gym, indulge in self care (face mask/pedicure) and if you can do some mental health work (manifesting, self-help books, gratitude lists etc.) It will get easier and you need to cut yourself some slack and sometimes sharing how you feel with others makes this process easier.

Aw it's awful, romantic rejection is grim, am so sorry you are feeling so down. Probably a combination of not seeing it coming, not feeling yourself like it had run it's course and having to rethink your future that you thought was mapped out for you. Plus being back at your parents.
My advice would be to start running or cycling or some kind of physical activity to release endorphins. Also try and meet up with friends who make you feel better, who say exactly the right thing to make you realise you can and will get through this. The fact is that if he was feeling like this and didn't appreciate how wonderful you are, he wasn't the man you thought he was. There's no quick fix only time (and, unfortunately, caring about someone else - however sounds far too early for that but one day you will) x

Sending love OP, I promise it does get better. 1 month is not a long time, go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. One day you will wake up and feel better, time is the healer.
I can recommend trying to make plans and keep busy when this initial shock wears off. I hope you have got some people around to support you, heartbreak is the worst feeling. From someone that had hers shattered, trust me you will be ok just keep taking care of yourself.
Some good films and reads can help, that took my mind off it and restored my faith in things a bit, try A Girl Like You - Gemma Burgess x

If he felt like this than better he ended it now than later. It hurts but as another poster said - spend time with friends, Join a gym - start taking care of yourself. No contact is good. We’ve all been there and he wasn’t the man for you. He lost interest very early so it wasn’t the right combination x

@Hanstarlucky thank you I’ll have a look at the videos and books, and yeah it was definitely out of the blue! Signs seem to indicate he has another woman, but if he does I hope I never find out as that would be even more horrific. You are definitely right that it comes in waves, although for me right now the bad wave is 95% of the time 😣

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm just turning the corner after a break up too, after two months of feeling broken it's starting to get better. Meditation, walking and talking to friends really helped me. Also writing down feelings to offload can be cathartic too. Go easy on yourself, this pain will quieten. Each day you are nearer to healing.

I hope so, everyday just feels like forever at the moment. I’m not much of a reader but I’ve just ordered the book you recommended, maybe reading could be a new thing I can enjoy and use to distract myself

Can you make plans to get out and spend time with friends, or take up a hobby, join the gym etc - anything to keep busy and give you something else to think about.

OP I could have written this around Christmas 2019. I was the same age, just moved back into my parents absolutely heart broken and no contact. I would fight all day to put on a brave face at work then just come home, sit in my bedroom and cry. I stated to feel better after around 2/3 months. It doesn't last forever and although it may feel like it now, it's not the end of your world. You are so young and he'll soon be a distant memory. I have been in my own place for 18 months, I'm with an amazing man and I couldn't be happier. Spend as much time with your friends as you can, try not to sit around and be sad. Sending you hugs and healing, you will get through this x

No matter how old you are, how life experienced you are, the pain and anxiety are draining. I’m currently a fellow sufferer and just like you the pain is endless and in some ways very tedious. There’s a massive hole in my life and I’m trying to work out how to fill it,

Im old enough to be a mature Grandma but I’m currently going through the dying embers of a long engagement lasting 9 years to a chap who is not only my peer but is messing me around & playing mind games. It’s over but he hasn’t got the b**lls to tell me straight.

We have never permanently lived together so we are just about communicating but he’s set me aside and I haven’t seen him for three plus weeks. He’s stonewalling me on WhatsApp too.

Im too fkng old to be messed around like this and the sadness goes really deep. I just want someone to flick the switch so I can kick him well and truly into touch and move on.

I can’t wait to stop feeling utterly drained every single day. It’s exhausting. It seems there’s no time scale that we can apply to our suffering. It will just fade eventually and I hope one day we can lift our heads again and feel happy and relaxed.

Romantic pain is not just for the young so I know exactly how you feel but we’ll get thru this. There’s some helpful advice here so tomorrow I’m going to join the local gym and look into buying a campervan in time for next spring and summer. The world will be my oyster.
Thinking of you. Chin up.

I'm nearly three years after being dumped in Nov 2019, also after an 18 month relationship, and it still hurts but it has faded a lot. I don't believe we ever truly get over these things, but they become more distant. Sometimes my heart still aches.

OP, I hope this helps in some way. I was in your position 2 years ago. 27, with a man I thought I was going to marry and he left out of the blue. It was traumatising at the time, like you I didn't eat and couldn't sleep, my anxiety was through the roof. God it was awful. It took me months to feel 100% but trust me you will get there, I hope this doesn't sound really self centred but I'm doing so well now.
Dream job, dream apartment and a great partner who treats me so well. It was the making of me and I vowed to never let anyone get me into the state I was in two years ago. My story might not help you but what I went through really did make me stronger. I wish you all the best, be strong. I promise you will be okay. Plough through and you will look back one day and think wow look at me now.

Please know you will get over this, there will come a time when you wake up one morning and he's not the first thing you think of anymore, one step at a time, it will get better I promise xxx