My mum, to everyone, seemed very lovely. A good parent, a hero even to some. And I suppose I have even benefited from some of her parenting
I was a successful athlete. No longer due to severe sporting injuries in my late teens. I have a degree. I know how to mix with all kinds of social circles because my mum constantly spoke to me, gave me honest opinions of the world and how people's brains 'work'. She gave me valuable insights into how to present myself. She spent a lot of time actually having real conversations with me about stuff. When spending time with friends, I got the impression their mums weren't really interested in really talking to them with proper, meaningful conversations. They also seemed a lot younger than me. I always felt older
My brother, now gone bless him, was profoundly disabled. But very beautiful looks wise. She use to tell me she was always very disappointed I wasn't more like him. He looked like her. Olive skin. Green eyes. Nice facial features. I'm pale, and not ugly but not particularly pretty. She always said 'you aren't ugly. That's the thing. You just aren't blessed with nice skin!' She use to tell me that as a toddler I was put under tanning lamps but my skin never responded to them. I have a faint memory of her doing this to me from when I was about 3/4.
I've never ever felt self conscious of my looks, however. And I'm happy in my own skin. So maybe she didn't go too far wrong?
She chose what sport I was going to do. Based apparently on my physique. And I stuck to it. I liked pleasing her and I was naturally quite good. But I did feel like it was my key to keeping her really happy with me, since I know she never liked how I looked
To everyone else I was impeccably well behaved but there would be serious consequences if I wasn't.
Was she a bit of a narc? I do think most/everything she really did was to benefit her in some way, and her children were seen to her as an extension of herself so naturally them being successful (or just looking good), were important to her