Hi I'm just trying to sort my head out about my current dating situation, would appreciate some outside perspective!
I matched with a guy on OLD end of July and had great connection right away. He wasn't very chatty before the date which was fine by me, he said he preferred to talk in person rather than message lots. That was a nice change from the guys who match, then just chat on and on with no date plans. However I've seen him on average twice a week since then and still he's not particularly good at initiating text contact. He'll happily reply with a bit of an update if I text him, but doesn't often spontaneously get in touch with me. We've not had an explicit chat saying if we are exclusive, a couple, just dating etc, but he said early on he's not seeing anyone else and I recently told him I'm not chatting with any other guys on the apps. We are both very busy so don't really have time for multi dating anyway, yet haven't really defined or labelled what we are or if this is something with potential for a serious relationship.
He's a very quiet and reserved person, whereas I am much more outgoing, chatty and so on, so we do have very different communication styles. Usually I'd just text him to make plans whenever I get some dc free time but I've noticed it's been me doing that a lot lately. We have talked about this generally, I said when I was first dating back in the 00s women were often advised to let men chase a bit but in our situation I feel I'm pursuing him more, and did that bother him. He said he feels dating is different these days and that in the early days of us meeting he felt he was definitely the pursuer (he was but only for the first few dates) and that he likes that it's more equal now as we are progressing. Also that because of my situation with dc and childcare it makes sense for me to let him know my availability, rather than him asking and putting pressure on me. I do see his points there, but I also would appreciate a bit of contact from him rather than it always being me and wondered if it was a bit of a cop out, or if I'm getting in my head and need to chill out!
When I last saw him (Thurs) he mentioned an activity and I said 'so when are you taking me to do that' and he gave a vague reply about looking into where we could do it. No fixed plan or date. I am very direct and don't really like game-playing, so usually just text him about plans without overthinking it, but now I've noticed the pattern of text contact I'm more hesitant. I feel like if he's doing a slow fade or just not that into me, I'd rather protect myself and stop investing in him.
Yesterday I texted and asked him out for today as we both have a day off, and let him know the times I'd be free, but he replied saying he has something to do. The thing he's doing doesn't take the full day but I understand he's got stuff on and one day off after a block of night shifts and may just want the day to himself/space. But neither of us know when our next free time lines up. There was no suggestion from him for any other dates. He knows I'm away on Sat night but back Sunday, however hasn't mentioned if he's free or working, or asked me if my dc are with their dad or asked to meet up. Surely if a guy was really interested he'd be locking the next date down? So do I stop initiating or just do what I'd normally do, with me texting him being direct asking about plans for Sunday? It's confusing to me because when we are together in person he seems so completely into me and super interested, but then just nothing in between.