I’ve left…what to do next?

[Whattodonext123]

I’ve posted a thread on the alcoholic support group about my alcoholic partner before. Long story short he can be a very nasty drunk and I have been asking him to leave since June.
Something happened and he has been drunk for the last 4 nights, shouting and being very nasty to me and the kids were scared. Sunday night he threatened if he came home from work and found us there he would stab me and my older dd to death, I recorded it on my phone. The kids didn’t hear this threat.
I spoke to my dd’s and both were scared and said they would like to go and stay with my mum, so we packed up all of our stuff and left, I am now sleeping on the floor at my mums house and we are all sharing a room.
while he is left in our house, I will have to pop back everyday to look after our animals as couldn’t take them with us. I have taken the dog but had to leave the others.
I have house valuations booked for next week as can’t afford to move unless the house is sold.
How can I get back in my home and make him leave? Has anyone applied for an occupation order, I have a lack of proof, only 2 recordings of his behavior and I’ve never called the police before so have no record of his behavior with them.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Firstly, we'll done. You have done the right thing for you and your family. You are probably a washing machine of emotions right now so try to look after yourself with regards to sleep, eating and staying hydrated. Contact a few people tomorrow, womens aid would be my first call. Then your work if you do work (ask for some time off) and the children's school (only give as much info as your comfortable but make them aware the children may need some support). I'd then contact divorce solicitors. Then I'd rest and try to make s plan for the next day based on the information I found out.

Also report the threat to police so there is a record of his behaviour.
They may also have advise for you.

Definitely report to the police so there's a record. Women's Aid will be able to help you with next steps.
Have you told your mum the full story? It might be good to be completely open so that you have her full support in helping you find a route out without waivering.

Have the police remove him and take out an injunction. Take your family home.
I hope he hasn't harmed the animals.

Definitely call the police and report his threat to kill you and DD.

Then phone Womens Aid and ask them for help and advise. They deal with this kind of situation daily, so will be a valuable resource.

Change where Child Benefit gets paid into if it's his or a joint account. Take half of any money in joint accounts/savings.

Get your parents to go with you to your house when he's not there to get any passports/bank statements/ Birth certificates /laptops/ kids stuff etc.(Get meter readings to send to utility companies as final readings too if your name is on the bills) Make a list before you go to make sure you don't forget anything.

Take your name off any bills associated with your house e.g Gas/elec/ council tax etc, telling them you have moved out. Do this by phone and confirm via email.

Next get an appt with a solicitor, and get advice from them in what steps you need to take to begin divorce proceedings and in how best to get the house sold.

It might take a long time to get the house sold etc, and it may not be in your interests to try to move back into the house as he wouldn't be likely to abide by any 'non-molestation' order etc, especially when drunk, and you really don't want to put yourself or your DC in harm's way by living alone where he can easily find you...so assume you've moved out permanently. Now you're in the process of starting fresh.

Then I'd be thinking longer/medium term i.e Registering with council for emergency/permanent housing, applying for all benefits you may be entitled to e.g Universal credit, Child Tax Credit etc

Once you have some income, you could save up for a deposit etc and rent (You'd be entitled to help with rent etc through benefits)

You've done the hardest part, now you just need to keep moving forwards...

Oh, and I'd also be blocking him from your phone and any social media, and refuse to allow him any child access for now, because he made a creditable threat to kill your DD, so he's NOT safe to be around your DC !

Give him an email address that he can contact you through, so that you have everything he ever says to you in writing !

If he turns up at your parents, phone the police, do NOT even answer the door to him !

You’ll need to seek legal advice and obtain an occupation order that’s the only way you will get yourself in the house and him gone ithercthsn him voluntarily going

Thank God you’re all safe. Living with an alcoholic is the pits and can become so dangerous.

cinnamon.org.uk Provide foster carers for animals. Your children’s school might care for hamster, gerbil type animals, maybe?

Please take your evidence to the police. At the very least they’ll escort you into the house to collect things, hopefully they’ll arrest him.
Women’s Aid will be able to advise you on the legal aspects of selling the house.

You must take that recording to the police for starters. I have no experience of anything like this myself but surely they will help you - even if it's just to chaperone whilst you get your stuff out?

Well done for getting out of there 💐

Thank you all for the advice and support, I was questioning whether leaving the house with my dd’s was the right thing to do.
I spoke with some of his family and told them what had happened and he sent me a text to say he had left the house and was staying with his parents.
I have been home and seen all the animals and all are fine.
I will arrange for the locks to be changed today and then me and the kids will go home when it’s been done.
I do work but only part time and I’m not the main earner so will start applying for universal credit today.
I have spent the last 3 years trying to get him to stop drinking and to see that he has a problem, it has been all consuming, wondering where he is, what mood he’ll be in, searching the house and his work van for empty bottles, it will be such a relief to not have that worry anymore.

@Whattodonext123 well done- still log it with the police so if he turns up you will be on high alert if you ring them. Also as your joint owners he has a right to enter if he calls the police so if you log it now they will be aware- they will also offer support services to claim the correct benefits.

Good Luck