Friend not so friendly anymore

[Baggy99]

I'm not sure if I'm simply being paranoid.... but here goes. My husband and I have a couple that are mutual friends. However, the female has suddenly started ignoring my messages and is quite off with me. She's now started messaged my husband instead. He says there's nothing to worry about, but I think her behaviour is quite odd! I have absolutely no idea why she's acting this way and neither does my husband. Am I over reacting, as I think there's something quite odd going on.

I'm not worried about him contacting a female friend if I'm honest, as we have several between us. It's her behaviour that bothers me! I was going to suggest that to him that she contacts me to arrange things....he's not great with diaries in any case! Personally, I think she's got a bit of a thing for my husband. He always replies to her though, which I find irritating....I do think he's just being polite though. I sent her some suggestions for days out last week and she hasn't even replied! She had started just replying to me with emojis, but now it's radio silence.

This!

Something's going on with her and your husband, even if it's only going on in her mind.

I have to say, if he knew it was upsetting me, my DP would have put an end to her texts a while ago. It seems weird that he’s texting her back etc when he knows it’s bothering you to have her contacting him and ignoring you

I'm not convinced that this is to do with anything going on between her and your husband.

Maybe she's being off with you because she thinks you're after her DH, or that she thinks he fancies you.

In your position my dh would stop replying. I am not sure he would have replied in the first place. Then she either stops or she messages you.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either.

As your husband agrees it's odd, could he help out a little? It surely isn't sustainable for this ex friend to only communicate to your husband and never to you for the foreseeable future. And he wouldn't like to act as a go-between forever, would he? Perhaps he can tell her next time that he's a little busy right now and why doesn't she organise with you instead. Seems what you need is the opportunity to strike up a conversation about what happened and can you clear the air about any misunderstandings.

"Personally, I think she's got a bit of a thing for my husband. He always replies to her though, which I find irritating....I do think he's just being polite though."

He needs to back you up and not engage so much with her.
Perhaps he likes the attention.
Either way, seems odd behaviour.

op, when this happened with my exh and an ex best friend, turned out they were shagging each other, so watch out.

This is what I'm thinking. I don't think there's anything going on atm, but I'm conscious this might be the start. It's happened to me before, so my defence is up

I don't think there's anything going on but I think she might like for there to be which is different.

What's her life like, is she married or in a relationship? Sorry if you've already said and I've missed it

Just seen that you wrote she's part of a couple in your OP 🙈 Are they happy? I wonder how she'd feel if you started messaging him. I'm not saying you should!
I also wonder how he feels about her messaging your husband

Could you message her husband and say "do you know why your wife isn't very friendly towards me but keeps texting my husband?"

I think I would be blunt and say please stop texting my husband. I dont like it.

"Personally, I think she's got a bit of a thing for my husband. He always replies to her though, which I find irritating."

There's your problem! You keep reiterating that your DH says there's nothing to worry about.
FFS! will you open your eyes Take control!

Text her and ask her - What's going on - why are you ignoring me and only messaging you DH. What is the problem.

Stop being so polite - not wanting to cause an "Uncomfortable atmosphere" she has no problem doing it to you. Pull up your Big girls pants and don't put up with her Bull Shit.

What I would do - if she continues to ignore you and brazenly messages your DH, I would block her on your DHs phone. If he has a problem with that - then you have your answer! Stop being a passenger in your own life.

Do not let people treat you like this.

I would message her a reply to what she had sent your dh. I would say hubby asked me to message you …,
and go from there if she can’t get over what ever it is you all need to move on separately. Or just ask her.

Op I don't know why you are putting up with this!
Really I don't.

Tell your dh it needs to stop, how would he like his friends messaging you and ignoring him? Of course he would hate it. He should either stop replying and block her or forward the message to you and you reply.

'Hi you messaged dh re Saturday meet up, we can't make it. Have a good night'

Why do you even have these people in your life?
You should be number bloody one in your husband's life full stop. Anything that upsets you, upsets him and in normal marriages there are agreed norms. I would not stand for this from her or him, and certainly wouldn't want to be 'friends' with people like that.

You need to be more assertive.

'Please stop texting my dh, you are making things very awkward'
And he backs you up. Simple.

Listen to the last two posters above OP!!!

That's a great kick up the bum for me! It's a good point about blocking her too 👍 She's married too and we often do things together with them both.

If your husband thinks its acceptable behaviour to ignore texts from a friend then he will have no issue doing it to her.

I'd also start texting her husband, 'just checking with you what time we are meeting next weekend, as can't get hold of your wife, and my husband is useless at replying to her'

To be honest I'm not sure the friendship can continue after this. I sometimes go quiet on text when I'm really busy. But to ignore you and text your husband is quite a strong message. I'm not sure she would be honest about why either, if you asked her

Your husband should have your back here. Someone is deliberately and fairly overtly freezing you out. Its hurtful. Yet he is worried about hurting her rather than supporting you

Your husband needs to support you in this. Ask him to stop replying and both drop her.

He says there's nothing to worry about, but I think her behaviour is quite odd!

Actually I find your husband's behaviour quite odd.

Your friend abruptly stops messaging you.
She starts messaging your DH instead.
You raise this to DH as a concern.

Any reasonable, loving partner would say something like "yeah, that's odd. Have you asked her why she's avoiding you? OK I will ask her why she's texting me & not you."

But he didn't do that.
He told you your feelings are wrong, & didn't make a single attempt to understand why you are concerned.
You are reasonable to smell a rat here OP.

Oh for goodness sake - ANOTHER zombie?

@MNHQ is thisplethora of zombie threads due to your new "you might like these threads" feature?

Sorry she sounds like she after him.

I wouldn't want to be friends with her if she just used your friendship to get to him. How much does she know about you and him. Then she decided to drop you and message him.

Sounds odd.

Any update?