My marriage has not been good for quite a few years but I always lived in hope things would get better and I stayed for the kids. Now our kids have grown up and still live with us (including my gorgeous 7 month old granddaughter) and probably will for many years, i'm absolutely fine with that. My relationship with my husband has completely broken down, I thought we could be friends but I just feel so resentfull and angry towards him. He has never made much of an effort, doesn't talk to me, on his phone all the time or is at work. It is never a problem for him to arrange stuff with friends and will drop everything for a customer but feels like it's a big ask to make plans with me. He has recently spent a lot of money on one of his hobbies (not the first time) we had a 5 day break with all 6 of us, it wasn't very good where we stayed, quite stressfull, I know, at least we had a holiday, which I paid for and I earn very little but managed to save. We are supposed to be going away this weekend just the 2 of us but he let slip he has doubled booked himself with work but will rearrange, I know full well that he hasn't rearranged, after 25 yr marriage I know him too well and I have always come last. I'm not sure if i'm upset or angry or both and why as i don't think I love him anymore we haven't been intimate for over a year. He doesn't ever consider me, he usually tells me not asks or I hear things first hand whilst he's telling other people and try not to look surprised.
I am fortunate to have a fairly comfortable lifestyle but I wear the same clothes for years, I don't have expensive taste not bothered by the latest this or that but I love where we live and have worked hard to get here I don't want to lose it. I'm trying to come to terms that it's completely over but part of me is still hanging on. It's making me feel so depressed, I can go quite a few days without washing or changing clothes or leaving the house but just binge eating. I don't have many friends or family that I can talk to ir would want to talk to, I feel so lonely, even when i'm surrounded by people I feel so alone, I've never felt so low. I just feel invisible, I have to hide my true feelings and emotions partly to shield my kids and partly it will fall on deaf ears if I talk to my husband, in the past when ive poured my heart out he says and does nothing.