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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband gone

13 replies

Mollylegs · 05/09/2022 15:47

Hi, I came on here about a month ago to tell my story and I mentioned my husband by name and where he lived when he was young. So everything got taken off, it was my own fault I was in such a state I was just jabbering away. I think because it;s been 4 week im thinking I should be ok by now, or atleast a bit better, but when he left he told me and our son he was going for some space and he would decide if he was coming back. I think that's why on Tuesday of last week he came to the the house to fix something that was leaking and told me he wasn't coming back. I had to tell our son because he didn't bother to do that whilst he was here. His sister just lives over the road and I've walked past with the dog and he's never there. His mam kept saying to my son 'you can just walk over the road and see your dad whenever you want' he couldn't do that because his dads not there, ever. It was his dad's birthday in August, I had text his dad the night before to see if he would be in for our son to bring his gifts over, bearing in mind he has seen his dad a few times at the most and for less than an hour sometimes. So he went over and I headed thee other way with the dog, then I looked back and realised he was still stood at the door, his aunty was there and when I went and asked what was happening she said he wasn't there and hadn't been there since teatime the day before. This upset my son so we came back home, he did text later to say he was back, so my son went back over but wasn't gone long. The next day was our wedding annivesary so that was a nightmare. I don't have any friends or family who live here. I know he's going out and about as he has nearly 4 weeks off work, he didn't bother seeing our son, everytime I asked him he said he had already made plans. I still love him and I'm not coping at all, I just want him to come home, we've been together 20 years and it's all just being thrown away. I've asked him to go to relate or anywhere but he says no, he's too private a person. I thought by now I'd be starting to feel better not worse.can anyone help me xxx

OP posts:
Facecream · 05/09/2022 15:49

He’s with someone else OP. I’m sorry to say it bluntly but that’s where he’s spending his time

Surtsey · 05/09/2022 15:54

He hasn't told his mum the truth either, has he? She thinks he's living with his sister, but he's not.

Mollylegs · 05/09/2022 16:03

I did ask him the other day if there was someone else and he said no, but I'm probably wrong then.

OP posts:
fedup078 · 05/09/2022 16:06

There's absolutely someone else . I'd put money on it

Newusernameaug · 05/09/2022 16:07

I'm sorry to read this - I'd start by getting all your ducks lined up, financial things in order, go and see a solicitor. It doesn't sound like he's coming back, and honestly you wouldn't want him, you deserve to be treated well.

A580Hojas · 05/09/2022 16:13

I'm sorry you and your son are being treated so badly by this man! He really doesn't sound very nice ... are you sure you actually love him? Maybe you are used to just having him around?

Either way, he's behaving really shabbily and it's his son who is really missing out. Can you speak to these female relatives honestly about what's going on? Maybe they could give him a bit of a kick up the arse.

Mollylegs · 05/09/2022 16:17

I have been on to CAB today as even though we've been together 20 years and married 16 and I was worried he could just turf us out as my name isn't on the mortgage. I've not worked for 20 years and I have no income at all, I have had to ask him every week for shopping money for food and I feel like I'm begging and totally worthless as a person. I'm being a shit mam by crying infront of my son, I tried so hard not to and for the first couple of weeks I wasn't too bad but since he said he's not coming back I've just fallen apart. I suffer with anxiety and deppression anyway, I'm just a waste of space

OP posts:
Mollylegs · 05/09/2022 16:22

A580Hojas, they are just on his side, even though I would have classed them as family, they haven't bothered with me or my son since this started, I had the odd text off his mam to say she hoped we were okay. My son can see her house out of his bedroom window and his sister lives over the road. It's just lik e we don't matter anymore now he's made his choice.

OP posts:
Mollylegs · 05/09/2022 17:41

It feels like the end of the world, the person who I love and have loved for 20 years has just gone and left us, more to the point left me, I've been annoyed at how he hasn't bothered much with his son, but he's just taken him out bowling. Just so you know our son is 18 but more like a 15 year old if you get what I mean. He has lashed out at me a few times, he told me to F off the other day, then came in my room in tears to say he was sorry, he's not coping and I'm trying to cope the best I can, which I will admit I have been falling apart. I can't believe he has gone.

OP posts:
Katelyn88 · 20/11/2022 05:38

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Outtasteamandluck · 20/11/2022 05:49

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Police woman ? Where does it say that.

America12 · 20/11/2022 06:14

You need to claim benefits @Mollylegs then start looking for a job.
Lots of retail jobs around now at Christmas.
You can't rely on him, he's clearly seeing someone else.

Spottingtwerps · 21/11/2022 03:01

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