How do you stand firm?

[sleighbellsjiggling]

My OH and I are toxic together. I don't like who I am with him, he makes me angry and hateful and I can't be that person anymore. I didn't used to be before him.

We have 2 small DC who I don't want to be affected by us, if it weren't for them I'd have gone ages ago. He uses them against me in arguments, I'm a bad mum and he'll take them from me. They gravitate towards me so I know it's not true but hearing it is awful. It's also the reason I've caved so many times in case he means it.

We've just had a huge row about nothing where everything is my fault. He takes no responsibility for anything. I got called a cunt and he wants me to go. I need to stand firm and keep apart from him, I know I do.

Can anyone give me any arse kicks to stop me giving in when he inevitably changes his mind later?

Just read your own second paragraph again, those are your words and thoughts.

Well unless there is a particular safeguarding reason or some kind of capacity issue where it would not be possible for you to look after your children alone then it is very very unlikely he would be able to “take the kids from you”

Family courts are not interested in the tittle tattle from parents, they simply act in the best interests of the children. If you are both good parents with no safeguarding concerns then it might end up 50/50 or because you’ve said they are “small” they may end up with you slightly more.

You don’t love him, you’re toxic together, it’s a dead end relationship where your kids are going to grow up seeing arguments, name calling and two people who don’t love each other. That’s a terrible home life to bring kids up in. Much better to separate and be happy apart.

If you can’t stick to it for you, stick to it for your kids. Perhaps read up on the effects of growing up in a toxic household?

Go and see a solicitor to discuss possible custody arrangements. That may reassure you that the vast majority of men who say they will “take the kids” are talking absolute bollocks.

Then make a plan and stick to it. Do it for your kids. You say you’d have left if it wasn’t for them but actually you should be leaving with them, for them.

Do you have somewhere you can go with the children? They can’t grow up in that atmosphere and with his language towards you, it’s very damaging.
If you have ant evidence of his behaviour keep it safe. I’d record him ( but after a toxic ex I won’t take shit from anyone, ever) See a solicitor if you can and start making a plan to get out as soon as you can. Life’s too short to waste it.