So I married what I know now to be a narcissist 2 years ago. In that time, he was great at first, very loving, caring etc. I did look after him well, he moved in with me and probably became a cocklodger of sorts. As the relationship progressed, issues like him keeping in contact with his ex affair partner (from his second marriage) and him also going back to his home country alot. It then progressed to violence and here I am now. I am getting trauma counselling to help me resolve issues in my life that have dogged me for years and also this very big issue of being abused by my husband. Despite him telling me he still loves me, I found him on Tinder, in his own country, yesterday. I paid for the plus version where you can go to a precise location and up he popped, already looking for my replacements.
However, I have a big issue in that I still love him. I know this is totally wrong and crazy to think I still feel this way after everything he has done to me. Has anyone gone through this and overcome these silly feelings? I can't seem to let go no matter what he has done to me. I understand this is known as a trauma bond but knowing I will have to deal with him in the future going through a divorce, somehow keeps me invested in a way.