Men taking absolute liberties

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I'm a big football fan and participate in two online groups. A few weeks ago I got a PM out of the blue from a guy on there asking how I was as I'd not been on the group much. I replied I was good thanks and hoped he was too and remarked on the extreme weather.

A week or so later he sent me a voicemail asking which were my favourite players and another asking who I fancied. I didn't reply and I got the messages in the attachment(no identifying details are shared)

There's never been any hint of flirting from me. I don't flirting IRL never mind online. I've blocked immediately and reported to the group administration. It's probably mild from him but imagine how it could have ramped up?

It did help me understand however how a friend of mine got suckered into messaging with men which has had a huge impact on her. She assumes they really like her when I guess they cast around for someone who will fall for it. She then gets drawn in.

I have given zero indication I'm interested in this guy so don't understand. It plays into our feelings too that blocking is mean and I actually felt that for a second. But only a second before I blocked it.

What's wrong with these weirdos?

Awful. My sister joined a Facebook group for her new hobby, she found that men who were giving (very useful) advice on the group would then follow it up with a ‘friendly’ direct message afterwards, and then often a dick pic too. What is wrong with them? She ended up leaving the group even though she really wanted the advice they could give.

Wow 😮
I'd give a short curt response to that

I'm very wary of friend requests/messages on fb. Recently I've had friend requests from a retired doctor in Sweden and a navy seal. Yes right. Just chancers.

Terrible isn't it? I never received a friend request from this guy, just PMs. As I've blocked him, I can still participate on the football group and he won't see any comments I make and vice versa, which is fine by me.

Women who accept freida requests from men the don't know in any way and respond to these DMs are fools.

You're right, OP, they try it on with everyone and know that any women who respond favourably are, well, gullible.

Yep, these are what my mate has had and she's got drawn into them. Both obvious fakes and real people like this man who has contacted me.

I didn't get a friend request from this guy, but he is real, as he's got mutual friends from the group so he's not pretending to be something else.

Why do they do it though? And sending dick pics (I didn't get that thankfully) why on earth completely out the blue? They're bloody nuts.

He's just an intrusive prat. He can't take liberties if you tell him to fuck off. You can't expect men to step out of conditioning when you and your friend are sitting yourself firmly in the traditional passive woman role. You've been conditioned too.

Break the conditioning. Take charge. Leave this crap behind It plays into our feelings too that blocking is mean and I actually felt that for a second and don't dwell on it. 'Prat sent me a message I didn't want, so I blocked him and forgot all about it because he has no importance to me.' That's the full story, if you choose it.

Why do they do it though

Because people like your friend fall for their 'obvious fake' behaviour. You're answering your own questions. The fakes lie, the fools fall for it. And whilst both sides of that dynamic exist, nothing will change. Remove either side, and the dynamic crumbles.

That's exactly what I did do; I wasn't in a passive woman role. I didn't tell him to fuck off immediately, because the first message was innocuous and I replied in the same vein. Then the voicemails, then the hello sexy stuff. I then blocked him, didn't even give him the luxury of being told to fuck off. I assume he's understood that's what I want him to do.

I didn't know he was conditioned into operating this way as I don't know him from Adam other than to see him occasionally at a football match and on a public forum.

My mate however is a very different animal. She laps up the attention and she's had all kinds of men in her DMs and beyond.

Yes, well, your mate is contributing to the dynamic, then. That's up to her, isn't it? And it's up to the chancers to behave the way they do. Nobody is breaking any laws here. People are sometimes disrespectful. What's your actual question, beyond 'Why are these people being disrespectful?'

Some Men (and women too) got brave when social media and the Internet began to take over. I am 34 and the amount of men over 50 who send me Facebook messages or requests. Very rarely do I get an add from someone my own age and if I do they usually smoke weed. The Internet is full of those sorts trying to get lucky.

I don't really have a question beyond what you've said, more a need to vent about it.

I think 'Why' is a very dangerous question when it comes to other people's behaviours. Sometimes we don't even know why we do things ourselves.

'Why am I spending my time thinking about this?' is a more productive question for your own life. 'Why aren't I doing something more useful to me?' etc.

You'll never have an answer, and the situation is unlikely to change. You're doing your bit to change the dynamic, and I'm sure you'll chat with your friend too. Don't waste your time thinking about the behaviour of idiot chancers!

Not sure why this is such a big deal. I see it as online version of men trying to chat up women in real life - as it used to happen and doesn’t much anymore.

’what it could have ramped up into’? Nothing, unless you spoke to him. And in that case - i’d assume as an adult you can do whatever you want. Just like your friend - it’s her choice to engage.
And, similarly, in real life - most women pass on the chatting up, and some don’t.
This is how one night stands used to happen.

Unless these men are trying to engage with minors, or being really inappropriate/graphic, etc - I really am not sure what the big deal is.
I’d just ignore and walk on. Just like I do in real life.

Not sure why this is such a big deal. I see it as online version of men trying to chat up women in real life

It's awful though - in real life, you make eye contact, take in body language, get a feel for someone, even if they just approach you at the bar. This is something else - it's intrusive, it's out of the blue and normally in your private space.. its horrid.

My cat went missing (and sadly, never came home) and some horrid man sent me a WhatsApp saying he'd seen my cat. I tried to nail him down to where so I could go and look for him and he was extremely vague and misleading ie

Him - outside Tesco's
Me - but there's no Tesco's on that road
Him - oh, well.. the other supermarket
Me - but there isn't one
Him - oh, well.. just saw him by my garden etc etc

A few messages in, whilst I'm desperately trying to get info on my beloved, family pet who my DC are devastated at losing - are you single, and ready to mingle??!

WTF 😠

They are not led by their brains. I game and cannot begin to tell you how many attempts at flirting or dating I have had, I have lost count. I had gamed with a guy for years in voice chat often.

His wife then had a baby, he changed and sent me a hello sexy msg. Well he got both barrels for that, it escalated in to him calling me uptight. I blocked him and that was the end of a three year friendship of quite fun times gaming. His poor wife.

Men have outlived their usefulness. This is why god created realistic dildos

Well no. If he was genuinely trying to chat me up or ask me out he wouldn't have said hello sexy are you single followed by loads of kisses and virtual flowers. If guys did this in real life before even the first date it's a red flag.

Alternatively he could have talked about football as that's the common interest and asked if I wanted to meet up for a coffee. Being called sexy is freaky when you don't know someone.

I'd still have said no as I'm not attracted to him but you get my drift.

But he's not trying to chat you up or ask you out. He has done this to you because it has worked for him before in his quest to get his penis into a vagina.

It's really very simple. The 'Why why why????' mindset will give you, eventually, a lifetime of wondering why people you don't like do things that you don't like. Spend your time and your mind space and your effort on you, not him. Are you really going to look back at this period of wondering and think 'Gosh, I'm SO glad I did that!' or are you more likely to look back and think 'Bollocks, I could have been doing the washing/going to the gym/watching a really good film/reading my favourite book etc'?

Unless you're actively enjoying trying to work out the mindset of the human sexual instinct, don't do it. He's just an excited penis. There's nothing complicated to work out.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron
I have never had a one night stand, or picked/met anyone at a bar. And that is because for me these sort of pick up lines don’t work. Bur they might for someone.

Of course he was trying his luck with you. Not in the best way, or smart way, or any way that could have worked for you in any are. Most of the time, in real life pick-ups men get rejected. So they try and try again, until it works, with someone.

My point here being - as far as “liberties’ - this wasn’t something even worth noticing.
It wasn’t like some creep that was trying it on as another poster was looking for her pet, or smth like that.
’Hey sexy’ is tasteless and stupid. Not really something that is hurtful or abusive.