Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Jealous woman trying to split us up

24 replies

elliesyard · 05/09/2022 00:39

I am in a new relationship and very happy with this man. There is a woman who has known my partner for less time but she is obsessed with him. He used to go for photography walks with her when he was in a bad place. They met a few times and she confessed her feelings for him and wants to be with him even though she is in a relationship. He said he had to let her down gently as he does not see her in that way and is not physically attracted to her.

Now, I said 2 weeks ago that this woman fancied him and he denied it and it turns out I was right as he rejected her a few weeks before this. He said she is a good friend and been there for him but I know she will keep persevering as she thinks he will change his mind. She comments and likes everything he posts on Facebook and I mean everything. She always posts saying she is there for him if he needs her. She even told him to get rid of his friends saying they need to go as she believes they are not good. He said she is very protective of him.

Now, I have said to him on multiple occasions I would never tell him who he should and should not be friends with as that is not my business to control someone else's life.

In a group chat she tried to twist an innocent comment I made but luckily some good friends came to my defence and could see what she was trying to do.

Soon she may be out for a mutual friend's birthday and I said to him what will you do as we will be in the same room and he said he never thought of that.

I feel really upset because this woman has no respect for our relationship and I know he won't cut her off as he is using her to vent about his problems.

He absolutely adores me but I don't know how he is going to handle this. I really don't want to lose him.

OP posts:
MessyBunPersonified · 05/09/2022 00:42

He has no respect for you or your relationship.

He outright lied, and refuses to put boundries in place.

All the while he's placed himself as some poor victim and you've painted her as some sort of homewrecker.

Rodion · 05/09/2022 00:45

I think the problem is him, not her (although she sounds bloody annoying too).

He knew she fancied him as he'd already turned her down but he told you that she didn't - that seems a bit deceptive. Has he strung her along, slept with her, and then chosen you instead perhaps? And she's struggling to accept what's happened and has taken a stalkerish approach. That would be my guess, although could be wrong of course.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2022 00:46

If you honestly don't see what a twat this man is, none of us can help you.

He loves having two women battling for his affections. FGS, stop doing the "pick me" dance. Get rid and find someone decent.

Threelittlelambs · 05/09/2022 00:50

All the while he's placed himself as some poor victim and you've painted her as some sort of homewrecker

Jes already lied once, he’s playing victim, I would bet he’s leading her on and feeding her a load of crap ~ there’s huge red flags here. He’s love bombing you and you can’t see it and putting you against another woman? I’d go to the party and chat to her.

Ivw recently seen the devastation this situation causes - walk away.

Butterdishtea · 05/09/2022 00:56

He's using someone who loves him while treating you with contempt by lying to you.

Other woman little problem..

Butterfly44 · 05/09/2022 01:34

I feel really upset because this woman has no respect for our relationship and I know he won't cut her off as he is using her to vent about his problems

He has no respect for your relationship.
Why won't he cut her off?
Why is he "venting" to her about his problems?
Quite simply he could tell delete her on social media and ignore her out of respect to you

Okboo · 05/09/2022 04:19

Your partner is the problem not her. He could put a stop to all this but he's choosing not to.

GreyCarpet · 05/09/2022 04:27

I agree. She's annoying but he's the problem.

You're never going to feel safe or secure in this relationship because you are not his priority.

I completely agree that he could put a stop to all of this easily and immediately but he's choosing not to.

marcopront · 05/09/2022 04:53

Why is it her responsibility to back off when he doing nothing to discourage her and possibly actively encouraging her.

custardbear · 05/09/2022 06:00

Bit of a different opinion from me, though he is taking the easy route and not putting in boundaries.
I wouldn't let her destroy my relationship, I'd go, I'd ignore her but call her out on any ridiculous behaviours.
Don't play the stupid games with your DP, if anything bring him into your thoughts so he can see what a cow she's being, then suggest he does something about her friendship with him once he's seen how she's treating you

TabithaTittlemouse · 05/09/2022 06:04

He is allowing this to happen.

BeautifulWar · 05/09/2022 06:07

He's keeping her as his insurance policy.

I'd also guess that he's flattered by her attention. What are these issues? Does he speak to you about them?

Scorpio8 · 05/09/2022 06:12

It's about being tough here. It's either you cut her off or I'm gone.

Especially if he can't set boundaries with her.

MsDogLady · 05/09/2022 06:21

He is enjoying having 2 adoring women in his ego triangle and is emotionally investing in both of you. If you want an equal, honest relationship based on mutual respect, you need to move on.

MushMonster · 05/09/2022 06:38

He is not worthy the hassle, no man on this Earth is worthy this. All PP are right, he is loving being a prize to catch, but he is actually bagagge to lose.
You will not regret leaving him.
Even if he cuts contact with this woman, another one will appear, or he will keep the contact behind your back. All he wants is to keep you, both, on your tiptoes and make you fight for his interest.

J0y · 05/09/2022 06:56

Rodion · 05/09/2022 00:45

I think the problem is him, not her (although she sounds bloody annoying too).

He knew she fancied him as he'd already turned her down but he told you that she didn't - that seems a bit deceptive. Has he strung her along, slept with her, and then chosen you instead perhaps? And she's struggling to accept what's happened and has taken a stalkerish approach. That would be my guess, although could be wrong of course.

Same, I think he has failed to put a boundary in place. I would suspect something happened between them, maybe once, and she couldn't believe / can't believe that he would act so loving blah blah blah blah but not follow it up with a relationship.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 05/09/2022 07:36

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2022 00:46

If you honestly don't see what a twat this man is, none of us can help you.

He loves having two women battling for his affections. FGS, stop doing the "pick me" dance. Get rid and find someone decent.

Agreed. You'll see the light eventually op, if this thread doesn't make you see it. He's a loser.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2022 07:39

You have a boyfriend problem. Wise up, lady.

J0y · 05/09/2022 07:41

Yeh, end it saying you want somebody with the courage to make chis choice clear, and stand behind that choice

minticecreamisjustok · 05/09/2022 07:59

It's a players script, if he wasn't, he simply wouldn't continue a friendship that gives the wrong impression he maybe interested when apparently he isn't.
At the very least he enjoys the attention of her and has no respect for you by continuing with it.

PAFMO · 05/09/2022 08:01

It's not her.

Aikko · 05/09/2022 08:07

He needs to man up and put her in her place.

He may well be enjoying the attention of 2 women on some level. Are you absolutely sure he isn't attracted to her?

yousexybugger · 05/09/2022 08:13

He's really enjoying this isn't he? Look at the friends example you give- he's got her insisting she's protective of him (why) and you insisting you're free and easy and wouldn't encroach on his social life etc. Playing you both off. Also consider why were his friends defending you and not him when she took umbrage with something you said? Because he is loving two women scrapping over him. Deeply immature behaviour.

mscampbelle · 05/09/2022 08:26

I've been in this situation and I have to walk away.
The man I was with wasn't remotely looking for a monogamous LTR, but told me he was, acted like he was, and then fed those lines to all the female friends he had - while having sex with him.
I basically willing but unwittingly walked into being part of his harem.
I had no choice but to walk away, it was painful for a couple of weeks because I was lonely and I missed him, but life was so much better without him messing with my head and my heart.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread