Initiating

[conconfused]

Hello,

Name change as don't want to out ,

I've been with my partner for a good few years now and we get on really well, he's funny a great dad to our son and a general nice guy, I love him but I really struggle to initiate anything sexual with him, it always him taking the lead. He's commented a few times now how it would be nice for me to take the first step occasionally.

We roughly have sex once every two weeks but kr feels like a chore more than anything else.

I do love him just I've no idea what to do?

If you don’t want to do it more than you are currently you’ve got no reason to bring it up. But I expect he’s not happy with the status quo because he feels he suggests it and you give in every couple of weeks. That’ll make him feel crap about himself.

a lot of men do like women initiating he’s probably tired of always doing it, doesn’t sound like you want to though so not sure what to suggest

Do you fancy him? I never initiate either because I just don't find him attractive anymore.

Do you enjoy the sex? Does he know what you like and don't like? Is he receptive to feedback? Do you feel relaxed with him in bed?

How old is your child? I lost interest for a good few years after our youngest was born but it's back now!

I think this article on When women consider physical touch to be a less real love language is worth a read.

I have a low libido so I rarely initiate.

i am more likely to initiate if I’m really into someone and everything with us is going smoothly which make me more attracted to them and want that kind of contact.

Seeing and doing sex as a chore is a problem, that implies you've had sex every 2 weeks for - how long now?- that you didn't really want. I think that could make a woman bitter that their DP had all that sex without noticing that they weren't up for it. So it becomes disfunctional to do that, from both sides. Hate to say it, but then it looks like he has switched off to anything above his needs, which is off-putting for anyone.
Probably damaging to have sex you don't want. I have felt ambivalent at times at the idea, but always got into it and ended up thinking " that was good, should do that more, why did I even hesitate?". Hard to see an orgasm as a chore when you get going, so if you haven't for a while, perhaps he should do more to help with that, or at least know you haven't- unless you've added faking it to the chore list ?