If you've been cheated on before....

[Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz]

How did you trust again?

Very slowly. It was nearly 20 years ago now, and I'm glad it happened as he was an abusive dick, but I didn't see it at the time.

I haven't

Honestly? I don't. Never fully, I don't think I'll ever think "oh he wouldn't do that/that won't happen to me". Even after lots of time, therapy and dating different "types" of men. It's self preservation now. Though I'm not anxious about it, it's not like it's a worry that plagues me or spoils my relationship or anything. It's just a last barrier that won't come down.

That's the thing with me at the moment. I've been with oh for 18 months and because of covid he worked from home (my home) a lot of the time. Now he is back in the office he works away through the week and although he has never ever given me cause to doubt him, I've became paranoid. I never felt this before now and I don't know if it's the change that's caused the anxiety

I was cheated on by on old boyfriend. When I met my now DH, I just had to take a leap of faith. I found a bangle that I wore every day that said 'love like you've never been hurt' as a reminder. It helped. The trust I gave my DH meant he is faithful, even when he's had opportunities to cheat (e.g. women flirt with him, he turns them down).

For me, it was a conscious decision and a real effort to just believe him, not ask too many questions, and just enjoy being with him.

It is just by meeting the right person which I know is useless. Initially by being wary and by establishing what you will and will not tolerate eg erratic messaging and by talking about it and anything else that concerns you.

I do trust, but I'll never 'blindly' trust again. My now dh has never given me cause for concern, never makes me feel uneasy or question what he says, but unlike my exdh, I will never blindly trust him. I always have it in the back of my mind that he could, if he wanted to, cheat. No matter how trust worthy he seems

There are varying degrees of trust.
Yes I trust again. But not to the extent of it being absolute.
I trust my gut more.

You put your faith in someone again who seems deserving, but you're more aware of the possibility of betrayal and maybe see signs quicker.

The guys I have had no problem trusting have never cheated. It's just not in them. The guys I had a problem trusting, my gut was always correct. They cheated and when I thought they were lying they were. Im now with someone a few years, erratic messaging, hot/cold, cagey with phone, quiet at nights, only wants to meet up once a week if that. Should I blindly trust...? I have a strong urge to run and a bad feeling I am just going out with the same guy in a different meat suit.

I don't think id ever have trusted that person again but have had no problems trusting new partners.

Well it's all risk. I would advise that you listen to your instincts with a new man because unless you're mentally poorly, they are usually correct.

Yes. I was cheated in by my DH and father to my DD 8 years ago in a pretty horrific way.

What you do is learn to trust yourself and your instincts. You learn to pick the right man and learn from any mistakes (in picking a man) you made. You learn how to identify red flags and leave when you see them.

You can never trust anyone else fully.

By having a relationship with a different person who was nothing at a all like the person who cheated on me.

"“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time."

I have, and do, struggle with trust too. But this affirmation really helps me, and I really seek to truly trust someone again. I believe there are good people, worth trusting. And that one man who made a mistake in the past, is not all the men that there are, and so I shouldn't think of them with a sense of inevitablility that they will betray me.

I have been seeing someone for a year now, and I strive to have the courage to trust him. It's sometimes really hard and I become anxious, but I always try to check myself and talk to friends who rationalize my thoughts. Objectively I know I've met a truly good man, and my distrust is essentially triggered by a previous trauma and that it is not my fault, but also is not his. And he deserves to be given trust. I don't think you can truely, deeply love without trust.

Genuinely, it gets easier. Have faith that one day you will meet a man worthy of you. Trust yourself. And have courage to trust others again.😘

I think I learnt that not giving someone trust and tainting them with someone else's brush without reason was doing both them and me a disservice.

For me I could never even attempt to trust someone who had been unfaithful to anyone else. I feel in that situation I couldn’t and wouldn’t even try to trust him.

But I’m lucky with my DH that he’s never cheated and that he finds it the ultimate betrayal. His grandmother was cheated on and it tore apart their family when he was a child. Then his ex and the mother of his child cheated on him when they were young and he’s never been able to forget or move past it.

He’s told me if I ever cheat it would be the end for us. I feel the same so it’s a line in the sand that we both agree on. This makes it easier for me, but I’ll still never be able to blindly trust and still have my moments of paranoia even though he’s never given me any reason to suspect him of cheating

Exactly this. It’s a different trust.

I saw a mini video by mistake which said

”we can never trust anyone 100 percent but we can trust that we will be ok if they break it off

That should say break it